Thanks, Beebs. T2 has really good boundaries. Its strange, but I both love and hate that she isn't available via text and email the way T1 is. I feel like I've become dependent on T1 at times.
I don't like that T1 became so defensive, but the good thing about it is that at one point I thought I had romantic feelings for her, but I no longer feel that way after seeing how she handles arguments/disagreements. I can honestly say that I would NEVER want to be in a relationship with her (and I'm not saying that I thought that was even remotely a possibility, but those desires were there) I've been in one with someone like that and it was miserable. So even though I'm hurting from our fight, I also feel this sense of relief that those feelings have gone Poof! gone. Unforunately I still have those longings for her to be my mother.
LG,
Okay, I am just totally thick here. Why are you treating her like a punching bag and creating a power struggle because you pointed out her chronic lateness? Is she feeling like you are trying to control her by pointing out her chronic lateness? If so, does she have unresolved issues that T2 may be aware of and you're not, just simply because of the difference in the nature of the relationships? I think her response to you was totally inappropriate and was blaming instead of her taking responsibility for being late and possibly apologizing for it. Hmmm.
Do you see T2 tomorrow? I do like how T2 responded to you in the dialog you wrote above. She didn't really seem to get thrown or defensive by what you had to say. I see that as a good sign that she has really thought all this through and has your best interests at heart. Could it just be that you hate being backed into a corner?
Okay, I am just totally thick here. Why are you treating her like a punching bag and creating a power struggle because you pointed out her chronic lateness? Is she feeling like you are trying to control her by pointing out her chronic lateness? If so, does she have unresolved issues that T2 may be aware of and you're not, just simply because of the difference in the nature of the relationships? I think her response to you was totally inappropriate and was blaming instead of her taking responsibility for being late and possibly apologizing for it. Hmmm.
Do you see T2 tomorrow? I do like how T2 responded to you in the dialog you wrote above. She didn't really seem to get thrown or defensive by what you had to say. I see that as a good sign that she has really thought all this through and has your best interests at heart. Could it just be that you hate being backed into a corner?
Liese,
Yes, I think T2 is far less defensive than T1. I agree that T1's response to me was inappropriate. This is not the first time I've had difficulty with her being defensive. one time a few months ago I expressed some feelings of being hurt,even stated that I was not mad (via text) and the next day she said something about how I said I was "pissed". I said, "No, I was not pissed". She said, "well you certainly said you were". I said, "No.I never said I was pissed." so she went back through her texts to try to prove me wrong only to discover that I was correct...I have never said that. Her response, "Well, you certainly acted pissed so I guess I read between the lines". It didn't feel fair to me at the time and it doesn't feel fair to me now that she is saying I was overly angry with her when I expressed being hurt. I stated at least four times today that i was not angry, just hurt. Its very frustrating to me when I feel that I have been misunderstood.
Yes, I think T2 is far less defensive than T1. I agree that T1's response to me was inappropriate. This is not the first time I've had difficulty with her being defensive. one time a few months ago I expressed some feelings of being hurt,even stated that I was not mad (via text) and the next day she said something about how I said I was "pissed". I said, "No, I was not pissed". She said, "well you certainly said you were". I said, "No.I never said I was pissed." so she went back through her texts to try to prove me wrong only to discover that I was correct...I have never said that. Her response, "Well, you certainly acted pissed so I guess I read between the lines". It didn't feel fair to me at the time and it doesn't feel fair to me now that she is saying I was overly angry with her when I expressed being hurt. I stated at least four times today that i was not angry, just hurt. Its very frustrating to me when I feel that I have been misunderstood.
Thanks, Sea-Green. I agree that T1 was unprofessional in her response to my frustration about her being chronically late to my appointments. Unfortunately, I feel like I needed to sweep things under the rug and let her be right in order to move forward with her.
Hi LG,
Since you've had difficult with her being defensive before, I think you should really consider whether or not it's to your benefit to continue with her. You simply shouldn't have to sweep things under the rug. It's not that she doesn't care about you, that much is obvious...as the others have said, I think she cares too much and is letting that get in the way of how she conducts herself professionally. ((hugs)) Just my opinion, you can totally disregard it if you like.
Take care, LG.
Since you've had difficult with her being defensive before, I think you should really consider whether or not it's to your benefit to continue with her. You simply shouldn't have to sweep things under the rug. It's not that she doesn't care about you, that much is obvious...as the others have said, I think she cares too much and is letting that get in the way of how she conducts herself professionally. ((hugs)) Just my opinion, you can totally disregard it if you like.
Take care, LG.
((((LG))))
Let us know how it went with T2. You saw her today?
Let us know how it went with T2. You saw her today?
Liese,
I see her tomorrow. I had a 4.5 hour long job interview today (it was a second interview) so I haven't really mentally prepared for my appointment with T2 for tomorrow. I really hope I get this job, not just because I need the income,but also I can get my mind off of my freaking Ts!!!lol
Kashley,
I think you are right about it not being a good thing for me to sweep things under the rug with T1. I can't believe what a roller it has felt like with her lately. I feel very confused about whether she is a good T for me or not. I almost feel like I should take a break from her,to gain some perspective and come back to the table with a clear head. I'm so attached to her right now that it is difficult for me to make a good assessment about whether she is helping me...or hurting me.
I see her tomorrow. I had a 4.5 hour long job interview today (it was a second interview) so I haven't really mentally prepared for my appointment with T2 for tomorrow. I really hope I get this job, not just because I need the income,but also I can get my mind off of my freaking Ts!!!lol
Kashley,
I think you are right about it not being a good thing for me to sweep things under the rug with T1. I can't believe what a roller it has felt like with her lately. I feel very confused about whether she is a good T for me or not. I almost feel like I should take a break from her,to gain some perspective and come back to the table with a clear head. I'm so attached to her right now that it is difficult for me to make a good assessment about whether she is helping me...or hurting me.
(((LG)))
Wow, a 4.5 hour job interview. It sounds promising or they wouldn't have kept you there for so long. I know exactly what you mean about needing to get your mind off your T's. Good luck tomorrow.
Wow, a 4.5 hour job interview. It sounds promising or they wouldn't have kept you there for so long. I know exactly what you mean about needing to get your mind off your T's. Good luck tomorrow.
quote:Wow, a 4.5 hour job interview. It sounds promising or they wouldn't have kept you there for so long.
I agree with Liese LG! That sounds really positive!
And I also agree with Kashley... it sounds like it might be to the point where T1 is a little to enmeshed... maybe consider that break with her, and then maybe resume more of a "coaching" relationship with her? Checking in every 4-6 weeks with a specific topic in mind or something of the like? I know how much you want to maintain the connection with her, but I really don't know if it is therapeutically beneficial for either of you if it continues in the manner in which it is going. Doesn't mean you have to cut her out of your life, though, there is always a way to find the middle ground.
Good luck with T2 tomorrow, and keep us posted on the interview outcome!
((((((((( LG ))))))))
Wow I am so sorry about what’s happening with T2. And I hate to hear you beating yourself up about wanting to stay with T1, as if it’s a direct choice between what you want and what’s ‘good’ for you. For what it’s worth, whether your relationship with T1 is ideal or not, from the way you’ve described T2 recently my feeling is that finishing with her is a good thing. She seems to be doing everything wrong at the moment (how on earth can she cut short your session when you have it scheduled for a full hour and a half? This sounds almost spiteful to me!) and terminating on the basis of an ultimatum without giving you the opportunity to work through that ultimatum in your own time and with her support strikes me as very imperious and authoritarian. It really does sound as if she’d already decided to withdraw her support some time ago (from the way you’ve described her, not for any altruistic motives either
)
I’m just really sorry that it’s come to this painful end and you’ve been forced into a choice that you yourself are a little dubious about. Perhaps though, with T2 making the decision for you, you will feel free now to look at all your options and find better and more consistent support than you’ve been getting with T2?
Hugs to you LG
LL
Wow I am so sorry about what’s happening with T2. And I hate to hear you beating yourself up about wanting to stay with T1, as if it’s a direct choice between what you want and what’s ‘good’ for you. For what it’s worth, whether your relationship with T1 is ideal or not, from the way you’ve described T2 recently my feeling is that finishing with her is a good thing. She seems to be doing everything wrong at the moment (how on earth can she cut short your session when you have it scheduled for a full hour and a half? This sounds almost spiteful to me!) and terminating on the basis of an ultimatum without giving you the opportunity to work through that ultimatum in your own time and with her support strikes me as very imperious and authoritarian. It really does sound as if she’d already decided to withdraw her support some time ago (from the way you’ve described her, not for any altruistic motives either
) I’m just really sorry that it’s come to this painful end and you’ve been forced into a choice that you yourself are a little dubious about. Perhaps though, with T2 making the decision for you, you will feel free now to look at all your options and find better and more consistent support than you’ve been getting with T2?
Hugs to you LG
LL
(((((LG)))))
Sometimes things work out for the better, though at the time, it feels like the worse thing ever
Maybe this is the opportunity you needed to find the "right" T that will work with you better than T2 or T1 have been able to. Doesn't mean you need to burn your connection to T1, just means it might be a good time for it to shift a little.
(((LG)))
Sometimes things work out for the better, though at the time, it feels like the worse thing ever
Maybe this is the opportunity you needed to find the "right" T that will work with you better than T2 or T1 have been able to. Doesn't mean you need to burn your connection to T1, just means it might be a good time for it to shift a little.
(((LG)))
((((LG))))
I am so sorry that you are in this position. It's a heartbreaking and horrendous place to be in. I do have to admire T2 for sticking with her position re: your care. She obviously feels very strongly about it for one reason or another. I am sure the decision was a very difficult one for her to make and she didn't make it lightly.
Whether or not her decision is coming from a CYA point of view or not, I don't believe she would make this decision if it wasn't in your best interests to do so.
Wish I could wave my magic wand and make it all easier for you.
I am so sorry that you are in this position. It's a heartbreaking and horrendous place to be in. I do have to admire T2 for sticking with her position re: your care. She obviously feels very strongly about it for one reason or another. I am sure the decision was a very difficult one for her to make and she didn't make it lightly.
Whether or not her decision is coming from a CYA point of view or not, I don't believe she would make this decision if it wasn't in your best interests to do so.
Wish I could wave my magic wand and make it all easier for you.
(((LG))) No wisdom here, but I am so sorry you're in this position. I know it must be really hard and painful.
((((LG))))
{{{{LG}}}}, so so sorry. I am leaning toward agreeing with LL on this. How could you move forward with T2 at this point anyway and have trust that she wouldn't threaten to terminate you again at some point in the future whenever you refused to do therapy "her way." I sympathize with you not being able to leave T1 and am sorry that at the same time you do not think she can help you progress much.
LG, I know you saw T1 years ago when you were in high school, but tell me (again, in case you've explained it before) but since the time when you returned to T1 have you always had another T concurrently? How long has it been since T1 was your only T?
I am leaning toward agreeing with LL on this. How could you move forward with T2 at this point anyway and have trust that she wouldn't threaten to terminate you again at some point in the future whenever you refused to do therapy "her way." I sympathize with you not being able to leave T1 and am sorry that at the same time you do not think she can help you progress much.LG, I know you saw T1 years ago when you were in high school, but tell me (again, in case you've explained it before) but since the time when you returned to T1 have you always had another T concurrently? How long has it been since T1 was your only T?
Hi LG,
It's good that T1 is validating everything you're feeling regarding this termination, but I feel like her not wanting you to go to your session with T2 is a projection of *her* dislike over T2. If you feel like you need to go to the session with T2, then by all means go.
It's good that T1 is validating everything you're feeling regarding this termination, but I feel like her not wanting you to go to your session with T2 is a projection of *her* dislike over T2. If you feel like you need to go to the session with T2, then by all means go.
((((LG)))))
I have to say I agree with sea-green on this one also with Kashley that you should be able to go to the appointment on Monday without fear of retribution from T1. I'm wondering what happened between those two. This is classic triangulation.
I have to say I agree with sea-green on this one also with Kashley that you should be able to go to the appointment on Monday without fear of retribution from T1. I'm wondering what happened between those two. This is classic triangulation.
quote:"Please don't push me away. I can't lose both my cat AND U.
LG,
I've avoided this discussion as I have been at a loss as to what to say. I have also been inclined to understand and agree with T2 more, but you have made clear how attached you are to T1 so I felt like I would only be muddying the waters. But reading the quote above has made me very scared for you. T1 just made YOUR therapy about HER needs and feelings. By asking you to meet her needs by not making her deal with more loss, she just ended therapy with you. Especially knowing that having such strong feelings for her will make it difficult for you to deny her anything that she expresses she needs.
She is insisting she is so concerned about your ED and your health while plunging you into a re- enactment of the very scenario that led to your ED in the first place, being forced to put aisde your own needs and care for a caretaker. I do not in any way mean to imply that she is being malicious, but she is not holding the boundaries. I am sorry if I have spoken too strongly but I am really seriously concerned for your safety in this situation.
AG
PS my T once said to me that he could not allow himself to need me because that would lead to an enmeshed mess which would be the abuse from my Dad all over again. I think T1 has crossed the Rubicon and allowed herself to need you.
Thanks LG I appreciate you reassuring me. I know your attachment is really deep. Forgive me, but so was our attachment to our parents and I know how that worked out for me. But you are no longer a powerless child who has to stay or die. And now I'll shut up and let you make up your own mind. Whatever you decide, we'll be here for you.
LG, the comment about losing you kind of scares me a bit. Sure, I would love for my T to be freaked out about me having to go to another T if insurance/finances don't work out, but despite genuinely liking me, and having (God-inspired) love and care toward me, he does not need me. That isn't what therapy is about. So, although I'd bet Ts miss their clients a bit when they leave, it's probably akin to a teacher missing the last year's batch of students. You wouldn't expect a teacher to get very upset when their kids graduate and move on to the next phase of their journey. It might be bittersweet, but you'd expect them to be proud and hopeful, not scared of the loss.
It sounds to me like your T(1) needs to do some of her own work right now, because it's starting to sound like your therapy might be starting to become more about her and her needs. It's not something that is unfixable, and maybe just the result of the daily contact for the weeks while T2 was out-of-town, but I'm definitely concerned. I can understand why it might feel impossible to back away from that connection as I'm sure it feels good to have her feelings invested into you in that way, but in my opinion, it's not in your best interest. As much as my T needing me would make me feel safe from abandonment, that's not an environment I could heal in. I have enough people in my life who make their feelings and "stuff" my responsibility without having the T who is supposed to be supporting me reenacting those things.
I don't think boundaries means a T has to be completely apathetic and detached, but I think it's possible (and optimal) to express care within therapeutic boundaries. Just because the relationship is quite one-sided in terms of needs doesn't mean there is no care involved. It does mean for you, I am sensing, it is difficult to feel safe from abandonment. I feel the same way. I'm wondering if your fear of abandonment by T2 is actually LESS about her saying she has to terminate (for your own good) if you continue to work with T1 and more about the fact that T2 has shown you she will never "need" you and that is the only way you can imagine she would want to stay with you. That might not be the case for you, but it is food for thought. But, really, being needed by your therapist is not safe!
Like AG said, I just want to make sure you know that I'm here for you no matter what...just concerned. ((((((hugs))))))
It sounds to me like your T(1) needs to do some of her own work right now, because it's starting to sound like your therapy might be starting to become more about her and her needs. It's not something that is unfixable, and maybe just the result of the daily contact for the weeks while T2 was out-of-town, but I'm definitely concerned. I can understand why it might feel impossible to back away from that connection as I'm sure it feels good to have her feelings invested into you in that way, but in my opinion, it's not in your best interest. As much as my T needing me would make me feel safe from abandonment, that's not an environment I could heal in. I have enough people in my life who make their feelings and "stuff" my responsibility without having the T who is supposed to be supporting me reenacting those things.
I don't think boundaries means a T has to be completely apathetic and detached, but I think it's possible (and optimal) to express care within therapeutic boundaries. Just because the relationship is quite one-sided in terms of needs doesn't mean there is no care involved. It does mean for you, I am sensing, it is difficult to feel safe from abandonment. I feel the same way. I'm wondering if your fear of abandonment by T2 is actually LESS about her saying she has to terminate (for your own good) if you continue to work with T1 and more about the fact that T2 has shown you she will never "need" you and that is the only way you can imagine she would want to stay with you. That might not be the case for you, but it is food for thought. But, really, being needed by your therapist is not safe!
Like AG said, I just want to make sure you know that I'm here for you no matter what...just concerned. ((((((hugs))))))
(((((LG)))))
Liese
Liese
OK. I was gonna bite my tongue, but I'm not. Sorry. Take what you'd like and leave the rest - I won't take it personally!
First - forget the flag, a red BANNER is flying here. I agree with what everyone has said - she's crossed over from caring and helping to attached enmeshment. Enmeshment = DANGER ZONE. I know, I've been there. It hurts like hell to leave, but it's often the only way to solve things. On a good note, though, after I did leave, and did some work with a different (and rather incredible T) I was able to go back and make amends and repair the relationship so it didn't really "end" on that horrid note.
From a teacher perspective: I sob at the end of every school year. I am a bawling wreck of tears. It's the only time I openly cry in front of my students, and I warn them that I will cry on the last day of school. These kids have been a huge part of my life for 9.5 months, and yes, I get very much attached to them. However, my job is to help them acquire the tools and skills they need to gain as a student in their grade. I teach, they learn. They teach, I learn. It's very therapeutic for me and for them, and sometimes actually feels like a therapy room! Teachers do wear many hats! However, and this was a hard realization for me to come to, if I were to KEEP them, and teach them again the following year, and try to follow them, I would be doing them a huge dis-service. Like clockwork, every April, the kids start acting out, I mean really, really acting out. They revert to kindergarten-type arguments about the silliest things, throw fits, refuse to work, etc. I had a group a few years ago that was really perceptive, and when I pointed out to the class what they were doing, I was able to extract the fact that they were acting out in hopes that I would FAIL them, so they could stay with me another year. (Yes, a part of me was very flattered, but the adult in me was sad that these kids would go to such lengths to try and stay with me.)
It was a painful conversation to have, and some of them got teary, but I really learned a lot. Kids grow very attached to their teachers - I get emails and notes and trinkets and yes, even apples, from them on a daily basis. I equate that to how it sounds you feel about T1. (And yes, I've felt this way before, many, many, many times too.) I had to explain to these kids that no matter what they did, they were ready to move on. They were ready to show the world what they learned while they were in my class. Did I wish I could keep them? Absolutely. Did I love them all? Totally. But if I kept them, I would be actually hurting them, because they had moved on to beyond what I could teach them. I told them their new job was to learn as much as they could, and then they could share their learning with me when they come back to visit (and they do!)
It sounds to me like T1 is acting like my students, and doesn't want to let you go. And you sound like the teacher, who knows it isn't good to stay, but is afraid to move on... I get it. I actually did get to keep one class for two years, and while it was a great experience, it was an excruciating end of the school year for them, and for me. They had some learning issues going on to the next grade, partially because they had been together as a group for 2 years, and partially because they had the same teacher/teaching style for 2 years. It made the separation all that more challenging for both of us.
The good news? They got through it. I got through it. And you know what? I still keep in touch with those kids. They don't visit as often (that first year I had at least 2 of them visit every single day) and I don't get daily emails from them, but they know where to find me, and they know I'll always be there for them. We have a very special bond, even after the years have passed.
I guess what I'm saying is it sounds like you have that very special bond with T1. But it's gotten to the point where the bond is hurting you instead of helping you grow. And with the ED stuff, it's really gotten dangerous for you. T2 probably did not/does not want to terminate, but doesn't have a choice because she likely has a pretty good idea of where things will head if something doesn't change. And I bet she cares too much to witness it.
I think I mentioned it before, but it is worth repeating (as I'd like others input on the idea too.) I think the break with T1 is a good idea, while you search for a new T. I think also, that you might want to try shifting your relationship with T1 into more of a "check in" relationship, since it has definitely moved from therapeutic to not so, and know that for both of you, you'll always be able to connect, but for you to benefit from her as a T has been lost. Doesn't mean you need to lose her forever, it's just time for a relationship shift.
Long winded, sorry about that... LG, I know you're struggling and you've got a rotten decision to make that feels like you'll lose no matter what. You'll make it. T1 will also survive, too. It's just a matter of doing what is BEST for you, even if it feels miserable right now.
((((LG))))
First - forget the flag, a red BANNER is flying here. I agree with what everyone has said - she's crossed over from caring and helping to attached enmeshment. Enmeshment = DANGER ZONE. I know, I've been there. It hurts like hell to leave, but it's often the only way to solve things. On a good note, though, after I did leave, and did some work with a different (and rather incredible T) I was able to go back and make amends and repair the relationship so it didn't really "end" on that horrid note.
From a teacher perspective: I sob at the end of every school year. I am a bawling wreck of tears. It's the only time I openly cry in front of my students, and I warn them that I will cry on the last day of school. These kids have been a huge part of my life for 9.5 months, and yes, I get very much attached to them. However, my job is to help them acquire the tools and skills they need to gain as a student in their grade. I teach, they learn. They teach, I learn. It's very therapeutic for me and for them, and sometimes actually feels like a therapy room! Teachers do wear many hats! However, and this was a hard realization for me to come to, if I were to KEEP them, and teach them again the following year, and try to follow them, I would be doing them a huge dis-service. Like clockwork, every April, the kids start acting out, I mean really, really acting out. They revert to kindergarten-type arguments about the silliest things, throw fits, refuse to work, etc. I had a group a few years ago that was really perceptive, and when I pointed out to the class what they were doing, I was able to extract the fact that they were acting out in hopes that I would FAIL them, so they could stay with me another year. (Yes, a part of me was very flattered, but the adult in me was sad that these kids would go to such lengths to try and stay with me.)
It was a painful conversation to have, and some of them got teary, but I really learned a lot. Kids grow very attached to their teachers - I get emails and notes and trinkets and yes, even apples, from them on a daily basis. I equate that to how it sounds you feel about T1. (And yes, I've felt this way before, many, many, many times too.) I had to explain to these kids that no matter what they did, they were ready to move on. They were ready to show the world what they learned while they were in my class. Did I wish I could keep them? Absolutely. Did I love them all? Totally. But if I kept them, I would be actually hurting them, because they had moved on to beyond what I could teach them. I told them their new job was to learn as much as they could, and then they could share their learning with me when they come back to visit (and they do!)
It sounds to me like T1 is acting like my students, and doesn't want to let you go. And you sound like the teacher, who knows it isn't good to stay, but is afraid to move on... I get it. I actually did get to keep one class for two years, and while it was a great experience, it was an excruciating end of the school year for them, and for me. They had some learning issues going on to the next grade, partially because they had been together as a group for 2 years, and partially because they had the same teacher/teaching style for 2 years. It made the separation all that more challenging for both of us.
The good news? They got through it. I got through it. And you know what? I still keep in touch with those kids. They don't visit as often (that first year I had at least 2 of them visit every single day) and I don't get daily emails from them, but they know where to find me, and they know I'll always be there for them. We have a very special bond, even after the years have passed.
I guess what I'm saying is it sounds like you have that very special bond with T1. But it's gotten to the point where the bond is hurting you instead of helping you grow. And with the ED stuff, it's really gotten dangerous for you. T2 probably did not/does not want to terminate, but doesn't have a choice because she likely has a pretty good idea of where things will head if something doesn't change. And I bet she cares too much to witness it.
I think I mentioned it before, but it is worth repeating (as I'd like others input on the idea too.) I think the break with T1 is a good idea, while you search for a new T. I think also, that you might want to try shifting your relationship with T1 into more of a "check in" relationship, since it has definitely moved from therapeutic to not so, and know that for both of you, you'll always be able to connect, but for you to benefit from her as a T has been lost. Doesn't mean you need to lose her forever, it's just time for a relationship shift.
Long winded, sorry about that... LG, I know you're struggling and you've got a rotten decision to make that feels like you'll lose no matter what. You'll make it. T1 will also survive, too. It's just a matter of doing what is BEST for you, even if it feels miserable right now.
((((LG))))
LG, have to hijack just a little and make a comment to R2G.
R2G ... we need more teachers like you.
R2G ... we need more teachers like you.
Thanks Liese... I love my job, the kids are incredible (even with all their issues!) which is why summer is always a little more challenging...
My last session with T2 is today. T1 doesn't want me to go. I'm not sure what to do. I think it may be more upsetting to go than not to go, so I can see why T1 doesn't want me to. But I also feel like I have some questions and feel like I need to say goodbye.
R2G,
I bet you are a wonderful teacher. I cannot imagine having to say goodbye to 30 kids each year after getting so attached. I had never thought about how difficult that must be until I read your post. It would break my heart!
R2G,
I bet you are a wonderful teacher. I cannot imagine having to say goodbye to 30 kids each year after getting so attached. I had never thought about how difficult that must be until I read your post. It would break my heart!
((((LG))))
Let us know whatever you decide.
Let us know whatever you decide.
Hey Liese,
I did end up going to the appointment and I am glad that I did.
It was not nearly as difficult as I imagined it would be. We left things on positive terms.
She told me that her door is always open if/when I get to a place where I want to work with just her and no other therapist. I told her that when I think about the future of my therapy, I see myself getting to a place where I am able to term with T1 and transition to group therapy rather than individual therapy and I told T2 that I am interested in her eating disorder groups. She seemed pleased with this and told me that I would be welcome back at that point.
We didn't hug or even really look at each other when I left. I think she was sad and I when I saw her get tears in her eyes at one point in the session,I had to fight back tears.I was scared that if I let those tears out, I would fall apart. So I did not and have not cried.
We laughed and joked quite a bit during the session which took a lot of the edge off.
The last thing I said to T2 as I walked out the door was, "I'll be back" and she said, "and I'll still be here".
I did end up going to the appointment and I am glad that I did.
It was not nearly as difficult as I imagined it would be. We left things on positive terms.
She told me that her door is always open if/when I get to a place where I want to work with just her and no other therapist. I told her that when I think about the future of my therapy, I see myself getting to a place where I am able to term with T1 and transition to group therapy rather than individual therapy and I told T2 that I am interested in her eating disorder groups. She seemed pleased with this and told me that I would be welcome back at that point.
We didn't hug or even really look at each other when I left. I think she was sad and I when I saw her get tears in her eyes at one point in the session,I had to fight back tears.I was scared that if I let those tears out, I would fall apart. So I did not and have not cried.
We laughed and joked quite a bit during the session which took a lot of the edge off.
The last thing I said to T2 as I walked out the door was, "I'll be back" and she said, "and I'll still be here".
LG hey that’s great, both that you did go to the session and that you’ve ended on a reasonably positive note, with the option of coming back to her. So much better than burning bridges eh? I’m sorry though that you had to finish with her and I expect that despite not shedding any tears you must be feeling a bit sad, and maybe anxious too, because now you really are committed for the time being entirely to T1.
Wishing you all the best
LL
Wishing you all the best
LL
(((((LG))))
I am really glad you went and that things ended on a positive note for you.
Liese
I am really glad you went and that things ended on a positive note for you.
Liese
LG,
I'm glad that things ended on a positive note. I think that is really important. I hope things become more clear for you now and you can move forward.
I'm glad that things ended on a positive note. I think that is really important. I hope things become more clear for you now and you can move forward.
LG, I think you were very brave to go. I am glad you made this decision because its what you wanted, instead of making a decision not to go just to please T1. That shows strength. I am relieved for you that it went well (as well as could be expected, right?) and that the door is open to return in the future. I think this will make the goodbye feel slightly more bearable.
I want to caution that even though you managed to keep the tears at bay during the session, try to be gentle with yourself if it suddenly hits you hard at home. There is still some grieving to come, I'm sure. Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. (((((HUGS)))))
I want to caution that even though you managed to keep the tears at bay during the session, try to be gentle with yourself if it suddenly hits you hard at home. There is still some grieving to come, I'm sure. Take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing. (((((HUGS)))))
((MH)), ((Liese)), (((STRM))),((LL)), ((FOT))...thank you for the replies, hugs, and feedback.
I just found out something today about T2 that really seemed creepy to me. T1 told me that the first time they ever spoke on the phone about my therapy, T2 had to go the bathroom and took the phone into the bathroom with her and pooped while she was on the phone with T1. WTF???????? T1 told me that she was very uncomfortable with this at the time....it was the first time they were "meeting". How bizarre is that. And I a little put off that I was being charged by both of them for that pooping time. I swear....Ts are so effed up, maybe even moreso than the rest of us! I am so creeped out by this. Talk about boundaries!!!
anyway, I am doing ok today with the whole termination thing. A little scared/concerned about getting my therapeutic needs met through T1 alone...but doing okay with having said goodbye to T2. (ShitT)
I just found out something today about T2 that really seemed creepy to me. T1 told me that the first time they ever spoke on the phone about my therapy, T2 had to go the bathroom and took the phone into the bathroom with her and pooped while she was on the phone with T1. WTF???????? T1 told me that she was very uncomfortable with this at the time....it was the first time they were "meeting". How bizarre is that. And I a little put off that I was being charged by both of them for that pooping time. I swear....Ts are so effed up, maybe even moreso than the rest of us! I am so creeped out by this. Talk about boundaries!!!
anyway, I am doing ok today with the whole termination thing. A little scared/concerned about getting my therapeutic needs met through T1 alone...but doing okay with having said goodbye to T2. (ShitT)
Um, WTF?!
First, WTF T2 for doing that at all. Couldn't she just say she had something really important to attend to that couldn't be avoided and then call back?
Then, WTF T1 for telling you that information. Makes me feel like divorced parents bad-mouthing each other to their kid, especially since you've expressed interest in eventually working with T2 again in a group setting. Not a very T-like communication to share, it feels to me, but I'm sure she feels it comes from a protective/caring place...
Glad you made it through your term session and are doing OK. ((((hugs))) as you continue to work through this.
First, WTF T2 for doing that at all. Couldn't she just say she had something really important to attend to that couldn't be avoided and then call back?
Then, WTF T1 for telling you that information. Makes me feel like divorced parents bad-mouthing each other to their kid, especially since you've expressed interest in eventually working with T2 again in a group setting. Not a very T-like communication to share, it feels to me, but I'm sure she feels it comes from a protective/caring place...
Glad you made it through your term session and are doing OK. ((((hugs))) as you continue to work through this.
Uhhhh...holy s***!?!? (Pun fully intended) 
Ok, I'll grow up. Definitely weird and VERY unprofessional. I'm glad you're doing ok...keep posting here as much as you need.
Ok, I'll grow up. Definitely weird and VERY unprofessional. I'm glad you're doing ok...keep posting here as much as you need.
Yes, I agree with all that seem surprised that T1 told me this info about T2. She told me some other things as well, but it was the poop thing that seemed most shocking to me of all. And it definitely felt like T1 was badmouthing T2. I guess she felt like she had kept a lot in with regard to her opinion of T2 and now she feels very strongly that T2 has said some harmful things to me, she believes that T2 displays some characteristics of narcissism (and I agree with that) and she feels like she "just cannot keep these things inside anymore". apparently it was difficult for her to not speak poorly of T2 because I liked T2 so much. But now that I have termed, i guess she feels its fair game. Also, I want to say that T2 has trash talked T1, though not to that degree. I would just die...i mean literally keel over and DIE if T2 had told me that T1 pooped on the phone with her. OMG. I am SOOOOOO glad that it was the other way around.
When T1 told me about T2 pooping on the phone with her during their first call, I started shouting into the phone, "OMG, OMG, OMG....what?, OMG, OMG, OMG. Seriously??? OMG, OMG, OMG! That's so creepy!!!!! OMG!" I couldn't stop saying, "OMG" for about two whole minutes. I don't think T1 anticipated how strongly I would react to this info. . Every time T1 tried to speak after she told me this info, I'd cut her off with a few more, "OMG"s.I've been traumatized by this info. I demand a refund from T2 for that pooping phone call to T1. lol.
apparently she also talked to T1 one time when T2 was taking her dog to the dog kennel and all these dogs were barking in the background and T1 couldn't hear what T2 was saying. And again, I was charged for that shit.
When T1 told me about T2 pooping on the phone with her during their first call, I started shouting into the phone, "OMG, OMG, OMG....what?, OMG, OMG, OMG. Seriously??? OMG, OMG, OMG! That's so creepy!!!!! OMG!" I couldn't stop saying, "OMG" for about two whole minutes. I don't think T1 anticipated how strongly I would react to this info. . Every time T1 tried to speak after she told me this info, I'd cut her off with a few more, "OMG"s.I've been traumatized by this info. I demand a refund from T2 for that pooping phone call to T1. lol.
apparently she also talked to T1 one time when T2 was taking her dog to the dog kennel and all these dogs were barking in the background and T1 couldn't hear what T2 was saying. And again, I was charged for that shit.
LG,
You and Yaku already said what I was going to which is that #1 how unprofessional and just bad manners for anyone to use the bathroom while on the phone. Ewww! Secondly, I think it is really unprofessional of T1 to tell you. I don't care that you have terminated with T2, she should have found a different outlet for her frustration regarding her issues with T2.
This is why a while back I suggested that perhaps a T3 would be a better option all the way around.
I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I imagine it is quite confusing.
You and Yaku already said what I was going to which is that #1 how unprofessional and just bad manners for anyone to use the bathroom while on the phone. Ewww! Secondly, I think it is really unprofessional of T1 to tell you. I don't care that you have terminated with T2, she should have found a different outlet for her frustration regarding her issues with T2.
This is why a while back I suggested that perhaps a T3 would be a better option all the way around.
I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I imagine it is quite confusing.
quote:Originally posted by Free on Thursdays:
OMG!
I wouldn't even expect a child to do something like that while on the phone, much less a T, during a professional call!
Did T1 wait to tell you this after you terminated? Does she want to make sure you don't go back?
It's almost beyond comprehension!
FOT
I agree...beyond comprehension. I never would have expected this from T2. Wow. JUST WOW.
And yes, T1 waited until after my termination to tell me this.
quote:Originally posted by scaredtoriskmyself:
LG,
You and Yaku already said what I was going to which is that #1 how unprofessional and just bad manners for anyone to use the bathroom while on the phone. Ewww! Secondly, I think it is really unprofessional of T1 to tell you. I don't care that you have terminated with T2, she should have found a different outlet for her frustration regarding her issues with T2.
This is why a while back I suggested that perhaps a T3 would be a better option all the way around.
I'm sorry you are going through all of this. I imagine it is quite confusing.
I agree with you and Yaku, STRM. It was unprofessional of T1 to tell me this. I feel like I'm in some sort of comedy movie about really effed up therapists.
quote:Originally posted by kashley:
Uhhhh...holy s***!?!? (Pun fully intended)
.
LOL....my thoughts exactly!