I would be freaked out, too. Especially if it was out of context for your T.

Hopefully by now you've heard from him? If not, does he work in a clinic that has a scheduler that you could call?

That would make me nervous too I hope all works out for you and you hear back soon!

I had the same thought as R2G, is anyone else at the clinic available to talk to and ask? Even the other therapists who work there, do they have additional contact info they could try?

Sorry for your stress

I still have not heard anything and it is 9:20 PM.

There isn't anyone else I can call besides him- he does all his scheduling. He has never told me anyone else to call if I can't reach him.

Thanks Armored Heart and Room2Grow- That's true that I could try calling another therapist, I don't know any of them but I recognize a few and I think I could find their numbers online.

My problems with that are extreme anxiety, and also I don't want him to not like me because I am being needy. He could also be embarrassed that the other therapist had to give him the message from a client of his. Those are probably things I shouldn't be saying after 4 years of therapy. I just don't know what to think or do.

(((bueno)))

I know the anxiety feelings are hard to cope with, but truly I don't think anyone, even your T would view you as being needy for trying to reach him. It is his responsibility to make sure you can get in contact with him, and especially since you had an appointment that he didn't show up for. Hopefully it is just some mixup and all is well, but I think you are not being out of line to seek contact. Try to think positively and not worry too much tonight if you can (easier said than done I know...) and maybe in the morning see if he is available? If not the other T's may be of help? Please let us know how it goes, sorry again for how worrying this all is

Hi, thank you draggers and armored heart for the words of comfort/advice. I decided to call him after MUCH anxiety. His phone went straight to voicemail. I am trying to be calm and remember that there is a chance that his charger broke/phone went dead or something like that. It was his normal voicemail message that he has had for a couple years. I left him a message asking if he could call me when he has time today.

I will keep you all posted when I hear from him (or dont't).

-bueno

(((bueno)))

Hope you hear back soon, I know that is an awful feeling to be left wondering If possible try to keep distracted so the time will pass more quickly.

I wanted to share a story that may help you feel a little better perhaps, (I always remember this when I'm in a situation where I can't reach someone, and for some reason this story seems comforting to me)

When my husband and I were dating, we got in a huge argument over the phone once. He was several hours away, and working a 72 hour shift at the fire department. The last thing we said over the phone was angry and indicated we were breaking up. Then his battery died on his cell a few minutes after we hung up.

I didn't know he was doing a 72 hour shift and had no other way to contact me, because there was no cell charger, and he didn't have my number written down at the time. And he didn't know that I actually didn't want to break up with him, I was just upset while we were talking.

Soooo. we both spent 3 days in turmoil crying, imagining the worst case scenarios about the other person, and when we finally spoke again we realized how anxious we had been for nothing.

I guess if this rambling story has any point, its 1. to hopefully distract you for a bit and 2. to give some new perspective, because we are able to laugh about that now looking back, while at the time it felt like disaster. Sometimes it is just one big misunderstanding and all turns out well.

I would talk to T about giving you additional contact resources in the future though, so you have other means to get information if you need to again...

Best wishes for you, keep positive thoughts

Thank you for the story Armored Heart It helped! I can also think of plenty of times where I couldnt get ahold of someone and started thinking the worst when it turned out to be nothing.

I know that being consumed by anxiety really actually does nothing what so ever to help the situation. I did work today so I was distracted a few times but then it would all creep back it.

I tried him again an hour ago and this time it rang normally and then went to voice mail, instead of straight to voice mail like last time. I dont know what that means except maybe he charged his phone? But still hasn't gotten back to me? I'm honestly now figuring that he's just never going to, and I will have to spend millions on a private detective.

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Triggers about death

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My T told me after my grandfather died that I handle death extremely well.... I do. I grieve hard, but I am also very accepting of death. I think that its because I had a lot of pets growing up and I was almost always with them when they died. I am grateful to my mom for raising me with pets and teaching me about dying from the time I was very young.

I just got the call that he died last week. Another therapist called me and stayed on the phone while I cried. I am going in to see her tomorrow at 11. My old appointment time was at 10 so its close. But shes in a different building. I am going to stay being okay until 7:00 tonight when she calls me and then I'm going to be okay again until I go to see her tomorrow at 11:00.

I really don't want to trigger you guys and I dont know if this even okay to post, I might be breaking the rules? Sorry if I am.

Oh Bueno, I am so sorry. You sound like you are coping fairly well, considering. I don't know you, but you are on my heart right now and in my thoughts and prayers.

I am thinking big 's to you. Hang in there.

I am so sorry Bueno. What a terrible shock. I know that I would be rocked to the core if my T died unexpectedly.

I'm glad another T is helping out, even though it doesn't necessarily ease what has happened.

Please do feel free to share on here if you feel it will help and you need support.

Bueno... i am so deeply sorry

Thinking of you, and I'm glad this female T has reached out and is going to help through this.

Holy Crap, I am so sorry. I have read this thread when you posted it and it raised my anxiety levels for many reasons, so hadn't come back.

Have to bow out of this thread as death of a T is my big trigger and yesterday my T dropped a mini bombshell by saying I have burnt her out and she has to change our contact.

Sorry for your loss Bueno.

I am really glad to read that you handle grief well - thanks for writing that as it gives me hope that I can improve on the bad way I handle it.

Somedays.

Bueno, I'm so sorry. Keep hanging in there. You've got a bunch of folks here willing to listen if you need.

I'm so sorry Bueno. That is just such a terrible thing to go through. Thinking of you.

And don't feel bad about posting! I think it's good that you can get some support through this. I'm glad you are seeing another T tomorrow. Good luck.

((BUENO)) I am so sorry for the loss of your T. The shock has to be very painful for you. Please keep us posted as to how you are doing, and I hope that seeing this other T tomorrow, will be of some comfort to you.

(((bueno)))

((((((bueno))))))
I am so, so sorry to hear this i have been wondering how things turned out, and terribly sad for you to see this. Please keep reaching out for support here and with the t you're seeing, as much as you need..

SO sorry to hear about the outcome...... I am impressed with how well you seem to be handling it, at least in words here. I hope that things work out with the new T, as I can't imagine grieving a 4 year relationship.... good luck to you, be gentle with yourself through the process.

Just wanted to say thank you guys so much. It really helps.

I know that no words can ease your pain - but I'm very sorry for your loss

Oh Bueno, I am so sorry. I too have been following your thread and I was hoping for the best. It's very sad. Take care.

I'm so sorry, Bueno.

Bueno

I am so sorry to hear of your loss - I truly cannot imagine how I would cope after losing my T like that; please come for all the support you need, we are thinking of you so much

starfishy

(((Bueno)))
So sorry to hear your news. I hope the other T can help you come to terms with it.
Thinking of you.

I'm so sorry to read this news.

(((Bueno))) So sorry. I have worried and imagined what I would do if such a thing happened.

((bueno))
i'm so sorry, you must be still in shock, i cant imagine what you must be going through. i hope that the other T can help you with this and please reach out here and talk to us, you shouldnt be alone right now.

puppet

thinking of you Bueno

hi bueno,
just wondering how you're doing? only if you want to share, we're here if you do. hope you're with friends/ family at this time of the year and that brings some comfort for you. will you continue to see this other T for longer?

puppet