I'm convinced I am being punished for my fantasies of ridding mother from my head. This post session numbness takes a hold and the candle of life is extinguished once again. The only time I feel alive is when I am angry and free to feel it.

But I have always felt this self isolating emotional imprisonment. Why should I punish myself for feelings of anger and rage when they were put there by others in the first place?

This solitary confinement/self abuse/living in my head is surely the opposite to emotional freedom?

I don’t need a higher power to judge and punish me for my 'sins.' Self is doing a good enough job all by herself.


I don’t think brain has it in her to get through to me and convince self of my wrong doing to myself

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