Have a safe trip! You will be missed around here.

Hey there AG hope you have a great time on holiday (and I have to say it’s noticeable that you haven’t mentioned missing your T AT ALL, so it sounds like either you don’t really want to say anything OR that it’s not so big a deal as it might once have been - which kind of says, you’re doing GREAT!

Happy holidays

Lamplighter

Have a fantastic vacation, AG! You will be missed here, but we will hold the fort till you get back. Have fun!!!

Hugs,
SG

Have a fun, safe, happy trip. We will be here when you get back.

Hugs
TN

Have a great time AG, will miss your posts

AG

Enjoy your break. We will miss you, but time flies and there will be so much for you to catch up on when you're back

starfish

Have a wonderful time, Ag!

Hi All,
Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm going to be gone a little bit longer than we originally planned. He's doing well and being taken care of but my husband went into the hospital yesterday (we're still in California). He has a condition called atrial fibrillation where his heart can misfire so that the chamber's are actually pumping at different times. This can happen and not really affect him very much but sometimes it becomes symptomatic and that's when you have problems. He was experiencing a lot of fatigue and shortness of breath and we both felt like his heart rhythm "felt" funny. (He had a bad episode about six years ago so we know what to look for). So yesterday, we went to a local emergency room and it turned out that his pulse rate was 179 and his blood pressure was through the roof, so they admitted him. By the end of the day yesterday, both his pulse rate and blood pressure were down almost to normal levels although he's still in afib. I don't think we're making our flight tomorrow. They're planning on running tests today and we'll go from there. The last time this happened his heart went back into a normal sinusoidal rhythm on its own; we're hoping that will happen this time too. I'll post more news as I get it. In the meantime, for any of you so inclined, I appreciate your prayers. both for my husband and myself. Things are very under control but it's a little scary doing this so far from home. Thanks.

AG

AG, I'm sending love to you and strong thoughts of healing for your husband. May you both be home safe soon.

Jones

{{{{{{{{{AG and hubby}}}}}}}}}}
Definitely sending prayers your way!!! My mom has this condition too, so I know how scary it can get. But like you said, it sounds like your husband is being well taken care of. I hope the staff there is taking care of you, too! Praying for the tests go well and that you are back home safe and sound as soon as possible!

Hugs,
SG

((AG)) Sending prayers your way.

Smiley

Sending you both love, prayers and good thoughts. Hope you can come home really soon.

Hugs
TN

I was just thinking about you this morning AG! Sending good thoughts your way and hoping all turns out well.

WLOH

Oh AG, so sorry to hear of your husband's troubles, but glad that he is feeling brighter. AF is usually very controllable with meds, but is a scary thing when it first happens.

Take care both of you, thoughts and prayers being sent over the water,

starfish

Sending good thoughts and prayers for you and your husband. It sounds like he is in good hands.

Hugs

(((( AG ))))

Hugs for you AND your husband - as well as all my best wishes and healing thoughts. I hope he is better very soon.

Lamplighter

AG, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband. I hope things settle down soon and you're able to get home. I'm sure it's all the more unsettling being away from home.

You'll be in my thoughts!

Hi All,
Thank you so much for all your encouragement, support and prayers. My husband is doing much better today, both his pulse rate and blood pressure are back within normal ranges and he's feeling a lot better. They did an echocardiogram and his heart is in good shape. He is still in afib and we were hoping he would revert to a normal sinusoidal rhythm but so far he hasn't. The doctor wants to do a cardio revert (?) where they'll shock his heart hopefully back into a normal rhythm. So we're hoping that we'll be able to head home by Sunday or Monday. Everything else is under control, although I must admit to being just a tad wiped. Thanks for being here though, I think the hardest part for me is being alone so its good to be able to know that I have people that care. My T sent a wonderful email and texted me to check in also which was a big help. I'm going to bed now.

(((((myshrink members)))))

AG

AG

All quiet from your end??? Sending thoughts and prayers and hoping everything is going ok for you and your husband. ((((AG))))

starfish

Yes, AG...have been thinking of you and wondering how things are. Please God, your husband is ok.

BB

Hi! Thanks so much for asking! Sorry about the disappearing act, just struggling to get back in the groove. My husband is doing much better (thank you to all of you who prayed, because trust me, it made a difference!). We flew home on Monday and we saw his cardiologist yesterday. We both feel better now that his doctor has seen him. He's back in a normal heart rhythm, there was no permanent damage to his heart and his blood pressure and pulse rate are both back to normal. The only thing he needs to do is stay on a blood thinner for 5-6 weeks (which involves weekly blood tests) because he was in afib long enough for there to be a danger of clots. But his doctor wants him off it as soon as possible since he's no longer in afib. He's cleared to return to work on Monday. (He was actually planning on going in today, the man is a terrible patient! but I asked the doctor for Monday ) We're doing much better.

Of course it didn't help that I had to have a root canal Tuesday morning which turned out to be really ugly requiring about six to seven shots of novacaine since the nerve was "hot" I'm still taking antibiotics and high doses of advil. Then last night was my commissioning for the phone line. And I'm off to the doctor this afternoon because I'm retaining a lot of fluids and getting very short of breath. Hate to sound whiney but I would like some boring now please. So I've been reading as much as i can but haven't had the time or energy for posting. Thanks so much for checking in on me. I'm hoping to be back in full swing sometime soon.

AG

AG

Aw, so sorry you've had such a tough time you both. No wonder you've had little energy, so take care and rest up when you can.

starfish

Oh ((((AG)))) what a rough time for you both. I hope that everything settles down and you get to enjoy some boring time here soon!

Oy vey, AG...I hope all your vacations don't end this way! You'll need a vacation from your vacation. Thank you for the update, I was extremely relieved to hear that your husband didn't suffer any permanent harm...but very sorry to hear of your root canal from "hell", and now it sounds like you're coming down with something else. And through it all, you're nursing your husband back to health from afib AND helping others on a crisis line. Hey...have you been wearing those WW cuffs again? Here's hoping for heaps of boring time for you real, real soon.

Hugs {{{{{AG}}}}},
SG

AG:
I am sorry for the disruption to your vacation but thankful your husband is on the mend. Now I am praying the doctors will be given the skill and wisdom to uncover and fix whatever is causing your circulation problems quickly and that you are able to listen to your body and give it what it needs to heal. It must be tough and scary to have so much happen in such a short period of time. I am amazed; there never seems to be an end of opportunties for trusting God to be our refuge and for His word to be our source of comfort and strength when we are weak. I hope you are finding that to be true in the midst of the storm.

AG, your life experiences have made you into a strong, courageous, insightful, compassionate, and incredibly thoughtful woman. You have given much of yourself to this forum and I deeply appreciate all that I have gleaned from reading your posts. Thank you for sharing your healing journey down the broken road with us. It gives me courage when I am up against the odds and when I begin to think my wounds from the past will never heal. Blessings!

deeplyrooted

AG, we're thinking of you. SG and DR say it beautifully - I want to second them, Wonder Woman.

Look after yourself, you are precious.

J

Hi Monte,
Thanks for asking. I'm really sorry I haven't been around, especially since so many people have been dealing with a lot of difficult stuff. I'm going to catch you up on my status here, then hopefully start to do some catch up posting.

When I last wrote I was off to see the doctor...

They did an EKG which came back normal. My blood pressure was up a tad but nothing serious, so the doctor scheduled full bloodwork and an echocardiogram. I was scheduled for a follow up the following Tuesday. I kept getting worse over the weekend and was having a lot of trouble breathing. Kept waking up at night because it felt like I was suffocating. By the time I went back to the doctor on Tuesday I really wasn't in good shape. (I actually cancelled a couples appt with our T because I just didn't have the energy.)

I showed up at the doctor's running a low grade fever and he pretty much said I was quite a mess when he examined me. The bronchitis was back (he did a chest x-ray and said I looked "smutzy" which I told him was a medical term I was unfamiliar with. ), my asthma was acting up (my lungs sounded like someone was eating rice krispies in them) and the edema had gotten worse. He actually kind of shrieked when he saw my ankles (which was nice in a weird way because then I knew I wasn't imagining feeling this way.) I left his office with a whole lot of drugs including lasix for the edema and Xanax so I didn't kill anyone due to taking steriods for the asthma. Since I started taking the Lasix, I've lost between 15 and 20 lbs of fluid and I can now see my ankles again (which are much prettier than I remember). He also ordered me on bed rest for Thursday and Friday. I'm feeling a lot better now, although still kind of dragging. Getting the fluids off really helped my breathing and I'm feeling normal. I had the echocardiogram yesterday and everything looked normal which was a relief. I go back for a follow up appt tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure I'm in the clear.

OK so being sick and exhausted (and did I mention the houseguest from Wed thru Monday?) was bad enough but feeling so unwell for so long triggered some really bad stuff emotionally. Turns out I feel pretty worthless when I can't function. Not to mention ashamed because I felt like it was my fault because of being so overweight. And I was really scared. All of which I kept shoving away because I didn't know what to do with it. I felt like I was slowly disappearing and no one was noticing. I had a whole lot of people around me who were very concerned and expressing it, but I felt completely alone. All of that was getting in the way of being able to talk about how I felt to anyone. So I think both the physical depletion and the triggering was making it really hard for me to post.

I, thankfully, had an appt with my T this morning (we're only meeting every two weeks these days) where I was able to talk about all my feelings and he did a great job of helping me sort through it and see what was going on. Including the fact that I avoided contacting him because if I'm leaving I have to learn to live without him. Saying that one out loud made me realize how untrue that was. He's told me time and again he's not going anywhere and he's always available. He brought up the fact that I keep bringing up setting an end date because I just want to get it over with (He's right, I HATE anticipating pain, I'd rather just get the hurt done.) and pretty much told me that we weren't going to do it that way. That if I really wanted an end date, he would work with me, but he thought it was better to just see where it went. Which, frankly, was a relief to hear, because I'm not sure I could really bring myself to completely go. So for right now I'm letting it be enough that I'm going every other week. (With the clear message that I can return to weekly at any time.)

So I am so very sorry. I hate when I shut down and can't even talk about how I feel. And I hated not being there for everyone else. And I really don't want hide the mess that I can be from anyone. So here it all is. I've missed everyone and I'll be trying to check in around the boards.

Oh and Hi Jill! welcome to the forums, sorry I haven't said hi before now but I wanted you to know you were welcome and I'm looking forward to getting to know you better!

AG

Wow. ((((AG)))) You have really been through it lately!! I'm so sorry you've been so sick and that it triggered things for you. I'm glad that your T has made it clear (again) that he is not going anywhere and that you were able to hear that.

I hope you feel better soon!!

It's just lovely to see you back, AG. Please take it easy - don't feel like you have to 'catch up' here or overdo ANYTHING. Any time you take to get yourself well and on balance again is not wasted time in any way - it is the work you do to give the world the beautiful functioning AG that has already given us so much. Being sick sucks, but someone special told me once it is a time to 'go inside' and quietly listen to what the body is saying. I hope you are still taking that time.

((((((((AG))))))))))

AG, you have NO idea how happy I am to see you back here posting (with your sense of humor intact ). Please take care of yourself, no need to go on a posting frenzy. We can all wait patiently for you to get up to speed on the latest happenings here. It's just really good to look on the board and see "Attachment Girl" back on line!

Hugs
TN

Wow, AG. I hope you're able to keep recovering and feeling better. That's a definite rough patch you've been struggling with. I so hope that you will do what you truly need to do - we will still be here whenever you really feel up to it. I like what Jones said (or sort of quoted..? Heh) about paying attention to what your body is saying when you're sick. I hope you get the rest you need and deserve.

AG,

I've been wondering where you've been.

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been ill, but so glad to hear you're on the mend, at least physically.

quote:

I had a whole lot of people around me who were very concerned and expressing it, but I felt completely alone. All of that was getting in the way of being able to talk about how I felt to anyone.

Isn't that the worst feeling on Earth? Getting sympathy from people and having it make you feel even more disconnected and isolated? Ugh, it's a wretched feeling.

Welcome back. I hope you continue to heal, mind and body.

Russ

Dear AG, I am so happy to see you posting. I was worried about you, but I kept thinking, well, she is ok, she just isn't posting as much lately, it will be ok. Now we find you have been sick and also sad, and so sorry to hear it, AG. Please rest and take it easy, AG. It is so good to see you.

BB

{{{{{{{{ Attachment Girl }}}}}}}

Welcome back! I've missed you. I'm so glad to hear you are on the road to healing. And also glad your T is not going to let you be too hard on yourself by ending things the way you think you "should"...*gentle nudge*...actually I love what he said about "not going to do it that way." {{{{{AG's T}}}}}

Hugs,
SG

Thanks so much to you all, I really appreciate all the care, concern and welcome back.

STRM,
Thanks, I’m glad about my T too. BTW, I LOVE the Emily Dickinson poem in your signature. A very dear friend gave me an amazing book of her poetry paired with custom weavings done by an artist. Her stuff reaches very deep and expresses things that I cannot put into words.


Jones,
Thank you, you always know how to make me feel so cherished. It feels like I haven’t given anything in a very long time, so your reassurance to take my time was VERY good to hear. I like the “time to go inside and quietly listen” that sounds like a very good idea!


TN
Thank you!! I’ve really missed everyone, and I too am relieved to see I still have a sense of humor. It felt touch and go for a little while there. Of course, that does mean I get to inflict it on all of you for a while longer.

Kashley,
Thanks for the well wishes. Rough patch is a good way to describe it, it has felt relentless for the last little while. I’m really hoping for some normality for a little while.

Hi Russ!
It’s always good to “hear” you posting again. Thanks for understanding that feeling of disconnection and isolation. It wasn’t until I was able to discuss it with my T yesterday that I realized just how paralyzed and terrified I had felt. Someday I’ll learn to do this real time. I had one friend who’s very good at reading me, that knew I was trying hide and came after me which really, really helped. I feel much better now that I’ve stopped and looked at it. And grateful I have a safe place to do that.

BB,
Thank you both for worrying about me and welcoming me back! And don’t worry, I promise I will never just disappear. I can’t forsee it happening but if it ever does that I feel like I need to leave permanently, I’ll let people know first. I certainly understand the need for anonymity but the worst part is that you have no way of finding out what happened if the person stops posting.

SG,
You’ve been doing some awesome posting, it was frustrating not having the energy to answer. You are NOT alone in loving my T for saying that to me! He is, like most Ts, very reluctant to actually ever tell me what to do, so although he put it very mildly and left it open to how I wanted to do it, he did make his opinion clear. I’m really grateful that he is still willing to repeat things over and over and over again until I hear them. I really need to let this one go, and let it be what it is. Never a strong suite I’m afraid!

AG

AG I wasn’t around to reply straight away to your post - I’m so sorry you got hit with such an onslaught of illnesses. I hope you are heaps better now and getting back into stride - sounds like you got really thrown there for a bit (thank God for your wonderful T!)

I also hope your husband is now ok and everything settles back down. So much for a vacation huh? Maybe it’s better for the health not to take holidays lol.

Good to see you back AG!

LL