Hi incognito... I'm glad you posted your feelings here. I have not seen you around for awhile and was wondering how things were going.

I often have that same vague feeling that something is wrong. I think because in the past something WOULD go wrong. I had very few vacations with my FOO but they were not fun. They were mostly tense, scary and unhappy trips. And so I tend to get really anxious when I have to go on vacation because it triggers those old childhood feelings that were not good ones. My guess is that you never had fun and happy vacations as a child either.

When you talk about your irrational feelings and that you "know" your T will come back (baring catastrophe) I would say it's not about knowing but feeling it. That takes time and experience. You have to experience his comings and goings over and over and over again for years before it gets easier. I am really sorry you didn't ask for a transitional object. These have become VERY important in my being able to tolerate separation from my T. I, at first, did as you did and asked for a book to read while he was gone and this worked as both the transitional object and a way to pass the time while feeling connected to him. I also already had his pen at the time too. Later on we talked about transitional objects and how much they helped. We had talked about how difficult it was with oldT and how he refused me anything when he was leaving for 3 weeks. My T did not agree with that and was almost horrified at his declining such a simple and easy request.

Since then I have gotten brave enough to actually ask for things. One thing that is easy and they wouldn't even know was a transitional object was him writing down my next appointment on his card. It was proof that I was going to go back to see him and also the card was the object of his. It gave me some security which helped. You know that I also asked for anything he felt appropriate to give me and he gave me the dragon which I love to pieces. I do bring it back to him when he or I return. I took it with me for 3 weeks on my vacation and it was wonderful to have. I think if you talk about this with T it will have a really good result for you. But you have to TELL him or he cannot know what you need. I know your T would be thrilled to do something for you that would help you.

As for the email offer... take him up on it. I am not saying to write a tome but it is perfectly acceptable and therapeutic for you to write for connection. Something short like... I'm doing okay (or not) and need to know you are still there and we are still okay. I feel it's important for you to experience him responding to your need for connection. You are not disturbing his vacation with a 2 minute email. (how do I know this? because my T tells me this all the time! )

As for his dog... as you know I was very attached to and loved my oldT's dog who was at almost every session of mine from day one. When I realized that he would be around I bought some doggie treats (I don't have a dog) and would keep them in a small baggie in my purse. I cleared with T that I could feed the dog a treat and it was okay so I would give him his treats at the start of every session. Tdog and I became very closely bonded because I extended myself to do something nice for him. It became funny after awhile because he would get so excited if I walked into reception and would bang on the office door to see me ASAP so oldT would have to open the door and let him out LOL. He would immediately go sniff my purse. I miss him so much and he was such a sweetie and got me through some really rough sessions. What kind of dog does your T have? I think it's great that he brings him and you should let T know that having the dog around felt good to you, even if you didn't snuggle with him/her just yet. I found that Tdog helped me to regulate my emotional states.

incognito, is it possible to call your T today or is he already gone? if he is there maybe you can ask him to leave a book out in reception for you to pick up. You dont' even have to see him. But the book will bring you comfort and then when you are both back from vacation you can discuss the topic of transitional objects (and don't forget the doggie treats! )

I hope this was helpful. Please keep posting and checking in with us.

Hugs
TN

thanks TN for your thoughts.

My T is already gone so no transitional object this week. I'm going to try the doggie treats.
Your dragon is wonderful especially because he picked it out to give to you. I will probably send him an email.

I'm doing okay tonight and it is only one week.