Contained for me means I don't feel alone or out of control. Safe to be emotional...

My T describes it as experiencing something alone is scary, and it is less scary when you are with someone. (There is a specific analogy she uses but this is the gist).

An example is to think of the difference between watching a scary movie at night alone in your house, versus with someone. Or you hear a bump in the night it generally feels more scary alone, than it would with another person there. A touch example could be a kid scrapes their knee and cries on the sidewalk alone versus their Mom comes out and kisses their booboo (the pain is the same, having someone around to regulate you is the difference). I know with my cats when there is thunder outside, or fireworks, they move closer together. Contained alone could be the difference between being in a freezing room naked versus being in the same room with a snuggly blanket. The difference between cleaning yourself with just a washcloth versus a warm bath... If you had a pet it would be feeling depressed alone versus having your sweet puppy come lay beside you because they know you feel like crap.

Those are how I can best convey the differences in my experience. There is a huge difference between crying in my T's office, versus crying alone at home. It's a feeling... so it's hard for me to describe in another way.

Catalyst, that description was amazing. Thank you for sharing it so beautifully.

Thank you a lot for your description Catalyst, it is beautiful and enlightening ! I am still struggling with the notion, and I don't know whether I feel it or not, but you definition definitely helps.

When I was still seeing my old T I used to sometimes feel like I was suspended in Jell-o. It was like her care was a soft squishy substance surrounding and protecting me. That is containment.

Hi About - Just wondering are you back at school now? Have you seen your T yet.

Jillann

I want Jell-O.

I think the term was first coined by a guy called Wilfrid Bion, who was an early 20th century British Psychoanalyst.

He suggested that when we are very young, we rely on a close parental figure, usually the mother, to help us regulate our own emotions - we cannot do it ourselves and rely on the parent to help us deal with experiences that would otherwise feel overwhelming. He called this containment.

The idea is that the parent can hold on to these overwhelming feelings and then 'give them back' in a more bearable form that isn't toxic or as threatening. Containment doesn't have to be verbal - it could be being soothed by being held, or wrapped in a blanket. Or it could be talked to soothingly, even before we understand words.

If the parent is, for whatever reason (depression, anxiety, money worries, or not having had the experience of being contained themselves) not able to help contain overwhelming experiences, the infant or child is not contained and their view of their parent, themselves and the world are shaped as a result.

This is where therapy can come into play as it can offer people the opportunity for people to feel the sort of containment they may have not experienced as very young children. It cannot replace what we may not have had but it can help us come to a point as adults where we can care for ourselves.

Sorry, bit theoretical but that's where it comes from. Basically what Catalyst said ;-)

If you are feeling exceptionally nerdy there is a useful presentation on the concept - slide 8 onwards deals with containment.

Thanks again!
Mallard: I read the slides! It is very interesting. I am trying to decide whether I feel contained or not in therapy. The thing is... I don't often feel 'bad' feelings during the session, I turn them off any time someone is with me, so they all come back immediately when I get out of T's office. The only time I can remember feeling both Live feelings and containment was one of the more productive sessions, maybe because the fact that I was feeling my feelings made it easier to access them in session. So... how can there be containment if the feelings are only there when there is noone to see them?

I wonder how the notion of "contained" relates to my habit of never feeling anything negative when there is someone with me (except social anxiety), is it because I think that people, like my mother did, won't be able to handle them and it will hurt them?

Jillann: I am back at school, and I am supposed to contact my T to decide on an appointment time, but I am afraid and don't dare, because what if she thinks it is too early/I am too needy/I don't need it (because I am in a "ok" phase)...
Thank you all.

I used to have that same issue too, About. It was hard for me to feel things in session, but I would feel them after. I don't think that's containment though. It's more like suppression. Containment is when you can feel your feelings but it feels safe and not too overwhelming to feel them.