I've been lurking around here for a while now, reading as much as I can. I've learned a lot from what you've all shared, especially the stuff about transference and attachment. I've been in therapy for 8 or 9 months and it has been pretty intense at times. I am really impressed with my T and how she's supported me through exploring some really difficult stuff around my childhood and adolescence. I'm especially impressed with how she's responded when I've told her about some of my transference feelings... she's been completely understanding and reassuring (I've felt very embarrassed about it all!), as well as really clear about boundaries and so sharp with helping me figure out what it's all actually about.
Anyways, things have been difficult lately and I'm at a point where I'm really depending on those once a week a sessions to get through my week. My T is okay with phone contact in between sessions if I need it, but I don't usually call unless I'm really freaking out.
Anyways, the reason I'm writing is that the process of waiting for my session feels like such a roller coaster sometimes. I'm noticing a predictable cycle throughout the week where something will happen and I think "Oh I HAVE to talk about this at my next session!" but then something else will come up that feels more urgent and I'll go through this whole process of deciding what's more important and worthy of using that valuable hour to discuss. And then something else will come up. And then something else, etc. I tend to get myself really worked up and anxious about it all, feeling very impatient to get to the day of my session.
Sometimes the day before my session I'll start winding myself up to the point where I have a little melt down. I think it's partly anxiety about waiting for the session, and partly an attempt to open myself up. It is difficult for me to access the parts of myself I'm trying to find. But I sometimes wonder if I'm just creating drama for attention from my T.
The funny thing is, after 6 days of build up, by the time the day of my session rolls around I'm usually kind of apathetic about the whole thing. Sometimes I'm just back to my usual mellow self thinking that whatever comes up that day is just fine and there's no reason to plan it all out or go looking for intensity. Other times I go in a little irritated with my T for no apparent reason. Sometimes I've spent so much energy anticipating the session I'm totally sick of it by the time it arrives. But most often I'm wishing that it wasn't the day of my session because that means it's going to be over soon and then I'm back to waiting for another week. When I'm feeling good I can see the humor and humanity in all of this and recognize all the ways it ties in to the issues I'm working through in therapy. But when I'm down it can be quite painful and stressful.
I'm curious if other people have similar or different experiences of waiting for their next session?
HB
