****** Trigger Warning SU thoughts *********

Seven months ago, I was finally convinced by my Dr. to see a Psychologist. Having been burned by a psychologist previously, I had big trust issues. My OB/GYN told me she thought I would like this psychologist, and to please see her, even if it was just one time. At this time, I was severly depressed. My first and second visits went very well. I figured she was about my age. We developed a very close therapeutic relationship, as she informed my OB/GYN. During my 3rd weekly visit, she told me she was going to be moving, but would set me up with another therapist. I was devestated! I felt like my whole world was going to come crashing down. I finally found someone that I trusted, but now she was leaving. She said due to an illness in the family, she needed to move back closer to family. Previously in therapy, she asked me why I can't just let the tears fall, that it was ok to cry. Needless to say, she saw the tears that day. A week later, my last session with her, was so difficult, I sobbed the whole time. At the end of the last two sessions, she asked me if I needed a hug! Having had no show of affection for a long time from my husband, those hugs meant so much to me! That night I felt so lonely and lost, I just wanted to die! I left her a message on her work phone to please call me the next day, which she did. She told me it was the depression that was making me feel like this and that it would get better once the medication had time to work. She also asked me to promise her that I would see my new therapist. She told my new therapist that if I didn't keep my appt., that she was to call me and do whatever she could to convince me to see her! My therapist said she was very worried about me! At my last session, she gave me a book, "The Nine Rooms of Happiness". She wrote in it and signed it and told me to read when I was ready.

After she left, I was so lost. I felt like I had just lost my best friend. I had no idea where she moved to, other than out of state. I did an internet search and found out where she lived. I was so shocked and happy that she lived real close to where my daughter lived 2 years ago and that we had planned a vacation back there this summer. During therapy with my new therapist, I tried to figure out why my old therapist meant so much to me! My memory was so vague that I hardly remembered what she looked like. I couldn't get over this lonliness I felt whenever I thought about her, which was all the time. After making some progress, my therapist and I discussed me seeing one more time when I was on vacation. Although she ddn't think it was a good idea, she said she would support me in my decision. She spoke with Kelly and let her know how I was doing and that I would like to see her one more time to get some closure. Unfortunately, Kelly didn't think it was a good idea or appropriate since our therapeutic relationship had ended.

My vacation was extremely tough for me! I thought about walking into the ocean and never looking back and I even though about driving off a bridge. Being in the same city as her and not being able to see her was horrible. I managed to get through it though. I just don't know how to stop thinking about her! Any HELP out there?

Edited by moderator to include trigger warning.