quote:

It's like the more I think about it, the more incredulous it seems to be that someone would utter those words to an adult.

This is going to sound weird, but I think this is a good reason to STOP thinking about him saying that specific thing. It took 5 seconds and zero thought for that to come out of his mouth, and how long have you been dwelling on it, getting more and more triggered into all the worst of your past?

Tell me something TAS, have you ever said anything, even ONCE in your life, that you regretted saying? Something that wound up sounding differently out loud than it did in your head, or that you later thought wasn't the best choice to have said, or that hurt someone's feelings in a way you didn't mean it to? Yes, your T *should* have known not to say that, but he messed up and said it anyway. It's nothing more or less that making one poor decision on his part. Believe me TAS, by now he ought to KNOW he can't control you, I'm sure he just wishes you would cooperate enough to actually get some work done in therapy instead of going around in circles.

If only you could have revenge for everything in the past by taking it out on your T... But you can't. The best revenge you are ever going to get is to live your life based on who you want to be and not based on your baggage from the past. Your T can't make you do anything, TAS. You're looking at an open door. You can leave him and never look back, or you can stay and work with him. It's YOUR choice. Nobody can make it for you. But if you try revenge in some petty way, you will hurt yourself more than anyone else. You have the potential to be so much bigger than that.

decisions need to be made, TAS. you are the adult in your world, as hard as that truth may be. i'm behind you in whatever you decide.

too.

Wise words for me to listen to right at the moment too BLT. And maybe all of us.

Revenge is not a nice thing is it? I think once we get to the bit in our mind where we want revenge on someone for something they have done and said - then we have to stop and work out what is happening. Revenge rarely, ever works. It is a very negative and destructive thing.

Hope you can navigate through this Tas without resorting to revenge.

TAS, you are entitled to your rage. What a silly thing to have said to you

Listen to BLT, CD and SD

(((TAS)))
i hear you and your deep pain over this...
wouldnt it be more of a revenge if you told him EXACTLY how he made you feel and how he should have known better knowing your history etc... what your wrote in your post, say it (or write it if its easier) in the same angry and honest way. i really dont think you'll be giving him any satisfaction if he knows this and maybe he needs a telling off!! and you're hurting yourself so much more if you keep this to yourself.

just edited to add - advice that's easy to give but i know how hard it is to be vulnerable and honest...and i am a hypocrite...

puppet

I think a good revenge fantasy can be useful at times. I find they usually fade.
I think the best thing a client can do for themselves is to leave. You do not have to explain yourself, you don't have to tell the therapist why. You just say you are not coming back and then don't and find one who is better suited at this point.

TAS, you are getting good advice. From where I see it, your relationship with your T is beyond repair. You have been very angry at him for months. It sounds like it is getting worse by the week. Why are you wasting time and money getting no work done with him? Time to move on from him. There will be another T out there who is more suited to work with you. Good luck.

quote:

I think a good revenge fantasy can be useful at times.

My T helps me come up with awesome revenge fantasies. They're great to get out some GRR.

Revenge? More likely survival.

Fantasies with emotion are a safe way of expressing rage.

(((TAS)))

I'm in tears here reading your post. Not because you want revenge (hey, who hasn't wanted revenge at one point or another?) but because I feel like I am getting to know you. I hear your voice. Your anger. Yes, he knows what he thinks is best for you but that does not invalidate for one second what you feel and what you know about yourself and your past. Those are YOUR boundaries TAS. And that is a beautiful thing. They are both truths TAS. Your truth and his truth. Anger is tough to feel but try not to shy away from it. It can be empowering. It can make you strong and prevent other people from pushing you around. It's a signal that you need to take care of something important to you. Just my opinion.

(((((TAS)))))

Anger is tough to feel but try not to shy away from it. It can be empowering. It can make you strong and prevent other people from pushing you around.

Hey there. I have been very sick with migraines. I just want you to know so you don't think I am ignoring any of you
T...

Thank you for your replies. I am still in the throes of the residue of a migraine...I used to get them regularly growing up and they still come and act as if I am their home...The medicine doesn't even work...I just end up throwing it up.

BLT: You are right. I should hang onto those words...which I am not intentionally doing...the meaning...reverberates through me. But, yes, LET IT GO. Still learning to do that.

CD: Honestly, where I am at, I don't want to be the adult. I want someone to scoop me up in their arms and say, "I am here." I saw a mom the other day throwing her child up in the air...and I found myself wishing I was that little girl.

Some Days Have been too sick to resort to revenge...it wouldn't do any good anyway. It would just cause more problems.

Melba Thank you.

Scars: Thank you

Puppet: Thank you. I just get overwhelmed trying to talk and just end up crying. I would like to say I have a love/hate...it is just one sided right now...but in time, it will change. He is doing his job and he is not afraid of my unpleasantness when he tells me no. When I am not thinking clearly...I truly think he is a sadist.

Thanks Stoppers: Fantasy. Hmm. Never thought of that, at all. You are right, I could walk away. The hang up with that is I KNOW I won't go see anyone else. I don't want my history with ANOTHER person in this entire world. I have huge issues with that. He knows I won't do this again with anyone else. That's just where I am at right now.

Becca: Thanks! Perhaps at some point I will work up the courage to move along.

Catalyst: Thank you for your reply It's cool your Therapist helps you with that!

Muff: Survival, sure enough.

Thanks Liese: That was very touching. Thank you for hearing ME.

I hope everyone is doing well on their personal journey. Thanks for the tough words, kind words, reflective words...they are all needed

T.

quote:

I don't want to be the adult. I want someone to scoop me up in their arms and say, "I am here." I saw a mom the other day throwing her child up in the air...and I found myself wishing I was that little girl.

i know exactly what you mean, 100%.

how are you doing?