New P is old enough to be my father. He has 35 years of experience. But he does not look favorably upon attachment. In fact, when I said to him that he probably wouldn't let me get attached to him even if I wanted to, he agreed. He also doesn't seem to be clued in to the practice of grounding the patient before the session ends, because I was at the peak of sobbing and emotionality when he abruptly announced that he needed to go (because we had gone past the time) and within 60 seconds I was out the door, a complete mess. In fact, afterward I went straight to the local Walmart because I was supposed to buy Valentine treats for the kiddos at home, but all I could do was walk around in a stupor for an hour, staring blankly at the shelves and unable to make any decisions and just trying desperately to stifle the sobs that kept rising up inside. I realized that this P is never going to really be there for me, only superficially. I was going to add...he won't be there like my T was...but I can't say that anymore because she failed me in the worst way, so being able to depend on her was an illusion as well.

Some of you may be glad to know, however, that my P agrees with you that what my ex-T did to me was highly unethical, especially to abandon me without any referrals. He was also shocked at her reasons and admitted that never in his 35 years of practice had he heard this kind of story, of a T accusing a patient of being possessed by demons and using that as an excuse to terminate them. He seemed quite indignant about it. I had to smile just a bit to know that I had provided him with a story he hadn't heard before, and that he wouldn't be able to claim my visit was just another same old boring tale. Although it also hurt to hear a professional say my T was off her rocker, because part of me still wants to protect T and to believe that she knows what she is doing.

My H has suggested that I consider driving 90 minutes (one way) to a more populated area where I will have more choices of Ts/Ps, and try going twice a month. I said, how can I establish a meaningful relationship on 2 hours a month? Up until my T terminated me, I was consistently going twice per week! Twice a month, for me at his point, would just be pure surface treatment. I don't think I would really get anywhere. Not sure that I will with this current P either. But maybe I am not ready for a new attachment anyway. Maybe he will be a safe, cold, distant statue that I will use as a crutch until I can run away on my own.