Sometimes I feel like that. I think I get angry at him between sessions sometimes, and that's how I try to "punish" him. The only thing I've ever said that seemed to get to him was when I threatened to terminate therapy because I felt completely stuck. So now I "stop loving him" when I'm actually mad at him. Since I can't seem to just have a normal anger response. </sarcasm> I've thought to myself "why don't I love him today? I feel like I could just walk away." Then when I start really thinking about terminating therapy (not just making threats) I get really upset, which is kinda reassuring, because it means I still do care.

Give it some time. For me, these things come and go. That's the only constant ... that everything always changes

Hi Amazon,

Your experience and question is fascinating to me. I wish I could respond exactly the way you asked it, but your description reminded me of something else. It reminded me of how I felt when I lost my fear of my former T and started to trust him and open up to him. I was sad to lose the fear because I was losing my protection. The icy shield around my heart was starting to melt and I was letting him in. I was sad to let go of the safety but I couldn’t seem to stop it, either.

Reaching the other side of therapy love feelings is something I’ve only read about so far. According to what I’ve read, the feelings are supposed to fade eventually. It's a sign that therapy is going right, and I'm really happy for you. You did the right thing telling your T about your feelings as candidly as you did, and he handled them appropriately and contained them for you. It’s a sign that the therapy is moving forward, that it’s healthy, that you are learning what you need to learn from the feelings, so at some point in the future, they will no longer be needed.

But it’s totally understandable that you would feel sad at the same time. This is an incredibly important relationship for you and the dynamics are beginning to change. Talk about your fears with your T, and talk about your sadness at the thought of your feelings fading. Keep doing whatever it is you’ve been doing, because it sounds like it’s working.

Even though it feels sad to think about it, it is good for the intensity of the feelings to fade. They do feel good at first, so I think I can understand why you want to hang on to them, but they don’t stay good. If they don’t pass, for whatever reason, they will compromise the therapy in one way or another. That is something I can speak to from experience. I am working hard to resolve my unresolved therapy “love” because the longer I have it, the more painful it is, and not very pleasurable at all. So I hope this gives you some encouragement that what is happening is better for you in the long run.

And I’ll bet the space that’s left won’t remain empty. Something else inside of you will grow to fill it. I don’t think you have to worry about losing all your feelings for your T. Maybe the intensity just fades enough so it doesn’t hurt. I hope you can always keep your fondness for him in your heart and that he’s always a special part of you. It sounds like he already is and that is a precious gift you can keep forever.

Hopefully you will get more responses from people who have reached this stage in their therapy. Thank you for posting the question and sharing your experience.

SG

I wish I had never felt these feelings for my T ever. It is so painful and unbelievably damaging for me. Probably because he has handled everything so badly. It would be a huge relief to not feel anything for him anymore.

Echo: Yes, just a man. But still the man you/I love.

Halo: I hope things will get much better when you start work with your new T. I hope you will have much much better experience and you will be able to feel joy and happiness and trust your new T.

SG,
I suppose the feelings at some stage will fade, but I can't even think of it now without being sad.
I hope this is not this stage yet. It's just two months since I am aware of my love, and it's just 2 sessions that I feel I can really really trust him and I am ready to talk about everything. I have so much to say.
I understand what you said, but I kind of want to run away from your post
I know I am making progress but... I don't want it in a way.
Well, I kind of hope that the empty space will get filled now with trust and plenty of good feelings towards him.
I still feel that I love him, but maybe I need to see what it will be like to love somebody without being afraid?

Hi Amazon,

I'm sorry what I said made you feel like running away. I've only just read about the feelings fading, I've never heard about it happening. I don't even really know what I'm talking about so I was speaking in ignorance and shouldn't have said it. I was just wishing the feelings would fade for me and then I got carried away with the post, kind of fantasizing about how I wish things would have happened.

I hope you get to say everything you want to say to your T. It's really important that you do and it sounds like you will. Hearing about your experience is really an inspiration to me. Please keep us posted.

Peace,
SG

SG,
I got carried away too. But don't worry
I hope things will go just the right way.
I really wish that eventually everything will get brighter for you too. We'll never forget the ones we loved, they will always remain part of us.

I feel that way and have been feeling that way even more since I got mad at my psychiatrist last week. I am scared to death of loosing the love I have for him and what will happen when it does change and how I will feel at that time. Right now because I am so consumed with the love I have for him I cant imagine ever feeling anything different. And when that love is taken away I will feel empty and lost because I wont know how to feel anymore. I havent been honest with my psychiatrist about feeling that way about it. He knows I am in love with him and that I am somewhat trying to work on it but I think I keep myself from going all the way with working on it because I am so scared of loosing those feelings. They hurt so bad and make me feel like I need to see him so bad and talk to him and I hate hurting so much for someone I cant have but having the pain is better than being empty and not feeling anything at all.

Plus my love for him is what keeps me going back to therapy even when I dont want to or I am scared to go. Just to see him I will put myself through being scared and doing things I dont want to do. So if the love for him is gone I often wonder if I will stop going to therapy because I wont have something forcing me to keep doing it. And that in itself scares me because I never want to stop seeing him or quit therapy with him. And I know when that time comes and all this happens I will probably be ready for it but at this time I cant even imagine ever feeling ready to leave my psychiatrist or not being in love with him so it scares me to death!