About: This is interesting you posted this, because today I went and saw a back up T while the Therapist is away. I say there is nothing wrong with seeing a back up T. If it helps you and stabilizes things for you, then do what you need to do for you.

I don't believe it is cheating from the separation anxiety, because they are not your T. However, I do believe if the anxiety is strong enough, seeing a back up T can take the edge off of the anxiety which may be needed to help someone get through a rough patch while their Therapist is sway.

I have only seen this back up T twice, but I try to see the same one while he is away. There is not a wrong or right way to do this, but if it helps, do it. I am sure your T. does not want you suffering and struggling to deal with the separation anxiety.

These are just my thoughts from my experience as recently as today. Hope it helps. All the best.

T.

Hi About,

That T was not justified in sending that e-mail. Even if those are her opinions, a simple "no" would have sufficed. Therapy is something different for everyone, so she has no way to tell a complete stranger what therapy is for. In fact, therapy is about functioning for me, as well. Without therapy for too long, I am lost in my negativity. Clearly, that would not be beneficial in my life!

Also, as for avoiding separation pain - great! There's the first thing to talk about with a new T! Even if the reason for seeing a T is what she views as "counter-productive," isn't one of the best ways to deal with it by tackling it head on. That can be done by not going to therapy for a short time OR by going to therapy to talk about the origins of and coping mechanisms for that pain.

I personally have not been away long enough to have that circumstance, but my T has been away for a couple of months. So, indirectly, I was forced into the same decision. I was falling into a number of issues and didn't even realize it - because I was isolated even from a T - and did reach out to a psychiatrist. Obviously, she has a medical reason for being involved in my continuing treatment even now that my T is back, but I find that it is helpful to have someone to talk to without judgment between sessions. It is not as rewarding. I am not as attached to this person or even concerned with the chance that I would never see her again. But, I am always thankful to have had the time to sit in her office and work through things when needed. I actually hear myself voicing what my T would say when she responds differently, but that is more because I am learning from my T and less because of missing my T (even though I always am).

This is something I need to get by without crashing and burning, and the two Ts involved in the situation respect what I want from them. If a T doesn't respect your needs, she isn't the right T. But, don't take in her perspective. Respect your own needs and even mention your thoughts to your T before you leave. Maybe she'll have suggestions.

Best of luck!

Hi About,

I use a back up T. It really does nothing to lessen my separation anxiety from my current T and my preference is to be with my T, but in her absence (vacations) I have absolutely no problem using a back-up T. They are aware of each other and it works for all of us. The back up T is my former T that I had for my ED and she is always on stand-by to assist. I am glad that my current T is encouraging of me using other resources. When I see my back up T is mostly just "checking in" type sessions, but given our history together I feel free to discuss deeper issues if they can't hold until T gets back.

I know a lot of therapists frown upon it because of concerns of muddying each others waters, but fortunately in my case both of them just want me to do what I feel I need to do to take care of myself and feel supported. I think it is kind of neat to have more than one because I take away different perspectives. I have learned coping skills from one T that I never explored or heard of from the other. In my situation it is a win-win for us all.

I see two Ts regularly (one significantly less so at the moment because of work) and thankfully each have worked as a backup for the other. I'd be lost without the arrangement.

When I went through a transition where I had to abruptly stop seeing one for a while and saw the other with about 1/3rd the frequency (went from 3x weekly to 1x with her) I did get a "back up T". She was on my insurance, close to work, had hours that fit my schedule and was willing to see me knowing my what my regular routine was.

I worked with this T to manage the day to day stress and adjustments I was making (saw her 3 or 4 times). It went well and I'd do it again. Both the backup T and my Ts knew about eachother - I'd not have done it without that only because I have worked in a collaborative team approach my entire time in treatment. Backup T and my Ts/P had no need to talk, so it was a pretty painless experience.

I think backup Ts can be really helpful and most helpful when both they and your T know about the arrangement and work congruently in treatment (this is usually more my job though - my team only coordinates when Big things are going on that involve paperwork).

Can I ask... Would you sacrifice your academic career to avoid the pain of leaving your T? I ask because it sorta seems implied and because I know part of what took me a bit to change jobs was knowing I would go through hell to do so. I'm on the other side of hell right now, and it's not better yet... But it gets there.

Thank you for all your answers (and the validation that the idea of a back up T was not completely crazy! I admit that I had a moment of doubt while reading that T's email.... )

I will definitely be talking about it with my Actual T (not really had time to bring it up yet, the last sessions were rough and no time for planning much). I would mostly see it as way to... explore the separation anxiety instead of just feeling/suffering from it and trying to learn something from it, instead of the usual pain? I do see it partly as an experiment, from which I can only learn?

So... thank you for sharing your experiences, it does help a lot.

Catalyst: I pmed you to answer your question, I don't feel okay enough to be talking about anything here, it would make it too real and scary.

I had a back up T when my T was on vacation. My T actually arranged it with my consent. When I met with the new T it was mostly an hour of check in and stabilizing, nothing too deep. We talked about my anxiety and fears, and general triggers that were happening. It worked great. It didn't take away the separation pain, but it sure helped to keep me stable and knowing I had back up made things less chaotic.