I had a couple today.
First, we called T a name to his face for the first time. No, I don't mean I made fun of him; I mean I (specifically kid parts) was able to address him as having an identity. Being able to do this is all wrapped up in this idea of claiming the attachment, a sort of belonging to one another, so for me it's a HUGE deal, although I recognize most people would not have trouble saying "Dr. ___" or their therapist's first name in person. This was something I've known needs to happen as a connection/trust step, and set a goal to start trying to do last week. We decided that Dr. last name was too formal, Dr. last initial was too avoidant of identifying him personally, using his first name was too informal...so, we went with Dr. first name. The kids were SO afraid he was going to be mad about us using his first name (stupid, as I've heard other clients say it). He said he loved it and wondered why he didn't think of it when we talked Monday. I said, "No worries, neither did I. It was the five-year-old's idea!"
The other huge thing we did was directly engage in the L-word conversation. Usually, I can write to him about the kids' feelings, but if I have to talk about it, at least one of them insists on saying "THAT word" or something else. Two of them were actually able to say to him, directly, "I love you, Dr. _____," and experience his acceptance, positive response, reassurance, return of their care. In fact, when they were struggling to say it, he kept emphasizing that he knew already and his positive feelings about it, how it was safe, a normal kid (and human) thing, and his feelings of care toward them. If he hadn't done that, it probably wouldn't have happened.
So, those are two huge things, because both of them (which occurred together) felt as if they might annihilate me, but we survived it and it was good.
Also, we read a poem I just finished writing together and T shared lots of stuff that he liked about what I wrote and the part that stood out to him most was the crux of the poem and the part that he liked best was because he was imagining these kids confessing that they really wanted to be rescued, to be free. Such a good session.
Sorry, I shared more than I meant to, but really, I want to know what your biggest small victories were!!!
