If you have friends you can call or even go over to their place for a while, I'd do it. It may be hard, but it is safer than being stuck with yourself after a traumatizing event.

I know you don't want to talk about it, but I like that you realize that you probably need to (which is what I read from "I don't want to not talk.") My T tells me that I need to do whatever it takes to stay safe (even from myself) and I think that's a pretty good idea for all of us.

Sending you safe hugs ((((Cat))))

I'm on chat currently if you want to talk there. It's just an offer.

((((((((((((Cat)))))))))))))))
I would vote for staying with friends...friends who will just let you be with them, with or without talking...I am so sorry for whatever happened ...and wishing you whatever you need to get through this.

Gentle hugs
SG

I'm here if you decide the don't want to not talk outweighs the want to talk. Usually, I will either be inclined to isolate or to just want human contact. If I'm inclined to isolate, I will try to do distracting things, give myself bits of time where I focus on not thinking about whatever it is, so I don't drown. If it's something I have to take action on, sometimes identifying one or two next steps and then trying to put it away helps. If I can't put it away, distract or dissociate, then I'll usually need to reach out to someone who helps me ground, like T, H or my pastor. If I'm inclined to be around people, I will just try to find someone to go have a meal or a coffee or do an activity with, attend a function if there is one going on. I would probably do different things without Boo, but it's hard to go on a long walk or work out with a toddler. If I just can't not process it, writing or playng music are usually expressive enough for me to tolerate whatever emotions are stirred up for short periods. Since I'm not sure how much of this is about the emotional response aspect vs a situation that is either ongoing or needs to be dealt with, I'm not really sure if my answers are in line with where you are. Either way, still here, listening, with lots of (((hugs))).

((r2g)) ((BLT)) ((SG)) ((yaku))

Thanks! Sorry as soon as I started typing I started crying again I was able to type up something else not long ago but it's like the second I stop moving my mouth I freak out.

I'll see if I can stay with friends it's not any sort of personal thing but I'm just shaken and upset and don't want to be alone.

Thanks for listening. I've had everyone being so helpful I just feel like a crazy drain or like I'm overreacting but really I'm not everyone I've ran in to has been like "WTF!?" I even randomly told my neighbor what happened because I was walking my dog with tears running down my face and he asked me if I was okay and I just went on to this whole story about everything that happened. I had to take a cab from where I was and cried the whole way in the cab and had my boss on the phone and T1 and a texting.

Ugh nothing looks real at all around here. I'm sort of hoping my T will call me back after her sessions tonight but it's late now probably not going to happen.

I'm not unsafe here inside but I feel an intense period of agoraphobia coming on.

Thanks for listening. Maybe I can do some art... but I think me and some food might talk while I stare at the tv. And call my friend if I keep losing it. I can also call crisis too I don't even know why I didn't think of them. I guess I will if I stay here and in the night start freaking out.

Cat,

I hope you're doing better, and maybe got a call from T.

Thanks (((effed)))

My T did call and I took a nap and got some food in me. One thing my T(2) said was "This doesn't have to be traumatizing, you got yourself safe, and part of that was asking for help I hope you can realize that etc, etc". At first I took it as her saying "You're being ridiculous" but I think it was just like... this was different than when you were a kid so try to appreciate that. So her saying that ended up being really peaceful and I felt like... okay... it sucks today, I'm upset... but... I'll be okay. She could have meant something bad but I doubt it lol

So exhausted I think I should sleep okay leaving the house tomorrow and hearing loud noises for a while is gonna be a bit much.

Thanks for the support.