I am struggling with not having any contact with the Therapist between sessions. What can I do so that it isn't so excruciating?
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I see two separate therapists. But other things I have done at the same time that are less controversial in terms of doing them at the same time as seeing a therapist are Craniosacral energy work, reiki, qi gong classes, massages and yoga.
Write down all that's going through your mind, all your thoughts and feelings as openly and honestly as possible.
Tas,
Having another attachment figure has helped me at times. I have another therapist that my children use and we have a close relationship - I am attached but not as closely as my T and at times I bounce between the two. I has helped me feel stable with both of them.
It stabliises me knowing I have two people.
SD
Having another attachment figure has helped me at times. I have another therapist that my children use and we have a close relationship - I am attached but not as closely as my T and at times I bounce between the two. I has helped me feel stable with both of them.
It stabliises me knowing I have two people.
SD
I am a big fan of support groups but I know they are sometimes hard to find for my issues. I started asking a friend to meet me for coffee midweek between sessions. That gave me something to look forward to. On occasion, I will send my T a letter, much like a journal entry. She doesn't reply doing that helps me feel like we are still connected. She will give me the option to discuss the contents of the letter at our next session.
deeplyrooted
deeplyrooted
Thank you for your replies. I think it is just easier for me to act like he doesn't exist. That way there is no pain. That works best for me, it seems.
T.
T.
Does acting like he doesn't exist work for you?
I think it was hard for me to imagine, at first, that anything else could fill what seeing or interacting with T does. Or maybe it all felt like an inferior substitute. My T has a liberal contact policy, but if I could, I'd see him every day. Then some of the days would be more fun, light stuff than hard work all the time. 
But, I really did find that writing my T journal entries that were almost like letters (which he would read and we'd discuss in sessions) helped a lot. I process a lot better through writing than I do talking. And I don't mean I process better "alone," because it seems the writing "to" somebody is important. I just think the anxiety and pressure (time-wise) of talking detracts from my ability to flesh things out as well.
Being in my church's band with people who know me very well and I trust has been good too. It has a regular schedule, supportive people (who I also support) and the music centers and calms me.
Staying on top of my physical well-being makes things better, just in terms of taking a rest, if I can, when I'm too activated.
Both creative activities (like making my sock animals) and more mundane, but still task-based, activities can really help. It keeps my focus on what I'm trying to do, which keeps me very in the present, and then when I finish whatever it is (even something dreaded, like dishes), there is a a good feeling that comes along with the completion. When I had a job, I used to have a daily/weekly/monthly/quarterly/annual checklist. I didn't really need it to keep track of everything I did, but being able to check things off of that list mentally made me feel better.
I don't know if any of that will help. Sometimes when I ask these sort of questions, I kind of already feel like it's hopeless. It has taken me time to work up to risking other things. I think a lot of that is not that the other things won't work, but I'm scared of how painful my reaction will be if they don't.
I have been wanting to do a group (like art therapy or something) for a while, but I can't afford it on top of my regular therapy for now. However, I have risked to keep getting to know an acquaintance T has in my area, who is willing to be a support person for me. It's a huge deal for me to take the risk of forming a new relationship (I haven't done that offline, except T, in many, many years, as all my current, close friends have attended church with me for years). We're going to meet with T together on Tuesday, this time without Boo, to try to get to know each other a little somewhere I feel safe. Freaked out, but I am glad to be willing to branch out and meet new people (even a woman, gasp!). It's a huge growth for me.
But, I really did find that writing my T journal entries that were almost like letters (which he would read and we'd discuss in sessions) helped a lot. I process a lot better through writing than I do talking. And I don't mean I process better "alone," because it seems the writing "to" somebody is important. I just think the anxiety and pressure (time-wise) of talking detracts from my ability to flesh things out as well.
Being in my church's band with people who know me very well and I trust has been good too. It has a regular schedule, supportive people (who I also support) and the music centers and calms me.
Staying on top of my physical well-being makes things better, just in terms of taking a rest, if I can, when I'm too activated.
Both creative activities (like making my sock animals) and more mundane, but still task-based, activities can really help. It keeps my focus on what I'm trying to do, which keeps me very in the present, and then when I finish whatever it is (even something dreaded, like dishes), there is a a good feeling that comes along with the completion. When I had a job, I used to have a daily/weekly/monthly/quarterly/annual checklist. I didn't really need it to keep track of everything I did, but being able to check things off of that list mentally made me feel better.
I don't know if any of that will help. Sometimes when I ask these sort of questions, I kind of already feel like it's hopeless. It has taken me time to work up to risking other things. I think a lot of that is not that the other things won't work, but I'm scared of how painful my reaction will be if they don't.
I have been wanting to do a group (like art therapy or something) for a while, but I can't afford it on top of my regular therapy for now. However, I have risked to keep getting to know an acquaintance T has in my area, who is willing to be a support person for me. It's a huge deal for me to take the risk of forming a new relationship (I haven't done that offline, except T, in many, many years, as all my current, close friends have attended church with me for years). We're going to meet with T together on Tuesday, this time without Boo, to try to get to know each other a little somewhere I feel safe. Freaked out, but I am glad to be willing to branch out and meet new people (even a woman, gasp!). It's a huge growth for me.
Anonymously: Thank you for your reply. I have employed the completing of tasks and checking them off. At least there is a feeling of accomplishment that comes with that.
T.
T.
Quell:
'Does acting like he doesn't exist work for you?'
I think so. If I don't think about him, there are no feelings. No feelings, no pain. I have always had a great ability to compartmentalize. He is only a part of my life for 50 minutes a week. Nothing more.
T.
'Does acting like he doesn't exist work for you?'
I think so. If I don't think about him, there are no feelings. No feelings, no pain. I have always had a great ability to compartmentalize. He is only a part of my life for 50 minutes a week. Nothing more.
T.
hi TAS,
i used to struggle more with that as well, but i think what helped lately was that i have hope that i might be able to see my T twice a week sometime in the future. there are things preventing it at the moment and i dont know if it will really happen or when, but having hope helped. she also has been ok with me emailing her so i suppose knowing that helps a bit, although i hate doing it (hate myself when i do it as i feel weak, but it does make another part of me happy/ in less pain).
i think i remember you said your T doesnt agree to you seeing him twice a week and also he is not happy anymore with you contacting him between sessions?
i would find that VERY hard! i think he is paying / making you pay for a mistake he made because he gave you something and took it back.
in saying that, maybe he did see it wasnt helpful?
is there any way you can negotiate the contact so that it works for you both? also, is there a way of planning for twice a week for sometime in the future, so you have some hope or something to work towards?
you're saying that you can just forget about him and pretend he doesn't exist. i used to do that a lot too and i was pretty good at it (still am most times) but i'm also finding that it is harder to do it and i'm in more pain now. maybe things are changing for you too and although you could do it before it is harder now. this change is a good thing i think (even if it feels like total crap!)
i relate to a lot of the things you say and sometimes i think my T is too mean and strict as well. but i have found that compared to my old T who was 'nicer', maybe i have 'grown' a bit more with my T now. its been more intense and more painful, but maybe thats not always a bad thing. i'm still in the middle of it, and not too far from where you are, so its hard to be sure about it.
i wish you all the best in your excruciating journey
puppet
i used to struggle more with that as well, but i think what helped lately was that i have hope that i might be able to see my T twice a week sometime in the future. there are things preventing it at the moment and i dont know if it will really happen or when, but having hope helped. she also has been ok with me emailing her so i suppose knowing that helps a bit, although i hate doing it (hate myself when i do it as i feel weak, but it does make another part of me happy/ in less pain).
i think i remember you said your T doesnt agree to you seeing him twice a week and also he is not happy anymore with you contacting him between sessions?
i would find that VERY hard! i think he is paying / making you pay for a mistake he made because he gave you something and took it back.
in saying that, maybe he did see it wasnt helpful?
is there any way you can negotiate the contact so that it works for you both? also, is there a way of planning for twice a week for sometime in the future, so you have some hope or something to work towards?
you're saying that you can just forget about him and pretend he doesn't exist. i used to do that a lot too and i was pretty good at it (still am most times) but i'm also finding that it is harder to do it and i'm in more pain now. maybe things are changing for you too and although you could do it before it is harder now. this change is a good thing i think (even if it feels like total crap!)
i relate to a lot of the things you say and sometimes i think my T is too mean and strict as well. but i have found that compared to my old T who was 'nicer', maybe i have 'grown' a bit more with my T now. its been more intense and more painful, but maybe thats not always a bad thing. i'm still in the middle of it, and not too far from where you are, so its hard to be sure about it.
i wish you all the best in your excruciating journey
puppet