The few people who do known they know it's for PTSD.

There are a couple people who know and I just say "life stuff". Usually before they would ask why. Is never say "I'm in therapy". I'd say "yes I go to therapy for life stuff".

I don't think people who have not experienced therapy or know someone close and have been through the journey with them really get it, or understand. I think a lot of it is cultural as well. They are prone to saying hurtful stuff.

This does get in the way of my forming deep relationships but I simply don't talk about.

I tell few and those I do... We either openly discuss (mutually because they are in therapy too) or we discuss nothing and they know I'm there, I give them a pre answer and if they knew in the first place they aren't the type of person who would ask or I wouldn't have told them.

It's such a difficult thing to go through and there is so little that people understand.

I tell people - short answer: I'm a hot mess.

I don't get many inquiries that probe any further.

((LUCY))

Very very few people know I'm in therapy. I will say it's for anxiety and life stress. No one really probes further.

I once tried to explain attachment to someone when my oldT abandoned me and I was extremely traumatized. They just didn't get it. The closest I could get them to was a "what if both your parents were suddenly killed and you were left alone". Even then it was a stretch.

This place is so valuable because most people here really get it and understand why things like T vacations, touch, gifts, outside contact, etc carry such weight.

TN

(TN) Exactly! That's why I am so happy I found this place when my T left!

Such an interesting thread. So far my therapy has consisted of three years with an unethical T and another three years with a T to get over the first one!

I never told the first T the real deep stuff that we talk about on here as she told me all her problems with herself and her family and I just couldn't. I never told anyone outside therapy either and it was only when T abandoned me, making me so ill, that my friends knew about the relationship with T.

All I talked about with my second T was the damage done by the first T!! All my other stuff lay dormant as the barriers had gone up.

So no one, T's or friends, know about my inner child craving for love, child experiences that I think have caused me to have transference relationships throughout my life, ET and parent transference. Attachment issues as a child and adult and sexual abuse as a child and adult have never surfaced. I have never allowed anyone to get into my head and probe the secret me for fear of rejection, disgust and abandonment.

Now I am going to my new T Psyc next week and I have made up my mind that I will tell her everything because if I don't I will burst.


I know of her and met her briefly and felt an immediate connection. If I don't do it now I never will. I don't know if she will take me on as she said she hasn't any space but can see me a couple of times. Well that is better than nothing but I will ask to go on her waiting list. We have exchanged emails and she knows some of what I want to discuss and that I have never mentioned it to any other living person.

So even when I spit everything out to her, I will never tell anyone else. This is what makes a therapeutic relationship so special,intimate and rewarding and I think transference is a natural side effect of therapy. I have to mention transference in the first few minutes of my session so I don't chicken out later. Phew!!

This is a fabulous site, I have never told anyone as much as I am telling you guys now. Thank you for reading this.

Caroola xx

((((Caroola))))

Hi Caroola,

Welcome. I just want to say your inner child experience, your memories, your feelings are valuable and probably delicate. They are worth looking after in a lasting relationship where you both have enough information and time to treat them with great care. But maybe it seems like it would feel easier to unload quickly and maybe never have to face the T again (and never have to talk about it to another T, if you make that your rule)? I'm just saying you deserve ongoing care and support on this.

Thank you RT, Jones and Ms C

When I mentioned not telling anyone else I meant people other than therapists.

At the moment I can't think beyond seeing my new T Psych on the 24th. If she has been kind enough to squeeze me in because I asked her to then I am hoping she will give me the help I need even if I have to wait for a permanent session slot. Getting the right person is so important and I feel that she is attuned to me and I certainly am prepared to place all my trust in her.

Ms C, I can feel your pain too. I can't imagine how awful you felt after being courageous enough to spill your guts and then him leaving.
I do hope you find someone soon who you can trust isn't going anywhere and to whom you can talk about the difficult stuff. Perhaps saying it the second time is easier than the first. I don't know, I am yet to find that out.

I think I have to stay calm and make the most of my first session and take it from there. I would hate to think of myself going from T to T just trying to find someone I connect with and can trust.

Caroola

I used to feel the stigma. People who are not in therapy really "just don't get it". I did not either for a very long time. My husband tries and is more understanding than ever. Now, I am so proud to be in therapy I would love to stand on top of a mountain and shout "LOOK EVERYONE..I'M IN THERAPY AND I AM TRYING TO MAKE SENSE OF THE MESS I CAME FROM AND CHANGE MY LIFE". The process takes guts. It is the scariest thing I have ever experienced. A few people know and I am very happy to speak of it but it scares the pants off them. I feel brave and strong. My whole family of origin knows and they have yet to speak of it. They are terrified of me!

HI Everyone,

Thanks for all your replies. I really enjoyed reading them. Sorry for my late reply. I was away this weekend. (It's amazing how you can be surrounded by people you love, having a great time, and still have tremendous heart ache over missing your T)

Catalyst - I agree, people who haven't been through therapy don't really understand. I never in a million years thought therapy was going to be like this before I started. I just thought it was someone giving a listening ear and some advice. It does get in the way of forming deep relationships. It's such a big part of my life, but it's difficult to talk to others about it in a way they understand. My best friend from college is a T and she has told me about all her clients over the years. Never in a million years did she ever explain therapy the way I'm experiencing it. Every time I've hinted at my pain or attachment to my T, she normalizes it as, "You just long for comfort" and nothing more. I wonder how our Ts experience and talk about our attachment to them behind closed doors. I would just love to be a fly on the wall when my T is in supervision or his peer review meetings.

Lucy - love your answer!!

TN - It is very painful when I try to explain to close friends and they give me a very puzzled look. It's taken a whole year for even my husband to understand it and he's in therapy himself. (He has zero attachment to his T and in many ways I'm jealous he doesn't struggle the way I do) This place is so valuable and I am extremely grateful for this community!

Draggers - thanks for the welcome! I'm so thankful to be here. It is so hard to want to get support from people, yet knowing most would not understand. I've actually had this conversation with my T several times. He said it's amazing that people don't understand attachment because 1/3 of all his clients have this issue. His suggestion was to let people know we need support, but not explaining anything further. Just to let people know we are hurting and have them sit with us would probably help than not having anything at all. I've tired it several times and I don't think it's nearly as helpful as he imagines it to be. Separation anxiety and attachment pain are excruciating and no one really gets it.

Caroola - Wishing you the best of luck when you start meeting with your new T next week. It takes all the courage in the world and then some to spill all your needs to her, but when you find the right T, it's worth the risk. Let us know how it goes!

Ms. Control - You're right. It's so much easier to judge then try to understand. That's why our Ts are so valuable. They work hard all session trying to fight against natural assumptions and focus on staying present trying to empathize with what we're feeling. I'm sorry to read that your T left. You are worth it, even if it's a struggle to believe it.

Veryhopeful - Totally agree with you - this process takes serious guts. In the midst of all the pain, it is empowering to know we are working our butts off getting stronger ever so slowly. I had one friend say, "You know, people in therapy are the brave ones. Most people are chicken like me. We know we need therapy, but are too scared to deal with our issues. We just try to learn from those of you who are doing the hard work." She was the only encouraging person I've talked to. But she's right and you're right. We are the brave ones!

Hope everyone has an awesome week!

PassionFruit

I don't tell people I'm in therapy. The only 2 people who know are my partner and a really close friend of mine, both know that it is because of CSA and other childhood trauma. I think in the UK where I am, therapy isn't seen as an ok thing to do really. People might accept short-term work (CBT) for anxiety or depression, but I found previously I got a lot of rejection about longer term work. So, I stopped letting anyone know!

sb

You know, it's funny... no one has asked me that. Only a select few know I'm doing it. No one has asked me why. Maybe it's obvious that I desperately need it..... :/

I usually only broach the topic with friends who I know are also in therapy. Most of them get.... "it".

But yeah... thank God for PsychCafe.