This time of year is a painful anniversary for me. Exactly one year ago H and I were homeless for a bit. It's a long story of chaos and bad luck and family betrayal, but all that I remember is how traumatizing it was to struggle in the cold of winter and panic over whether we would have a roof over our heads again. And here I am a year later, and there have definitely been struggles, but I have so much to be thankful for, and that experience really gave me perspective over the things that really matter.
I'd like very much to say at this time next year that my ruminating hurt over exT is all but gone. To go through a day, week or longer and realize 'hey, I haven't thought about that at all!' To be free from the haunting pains of the past.
It would be awesome to enjoy the little things in life, day to day. The smell of fresh cut grass, or laundry or dinner cooking. To hear the most random everyday sounds and smile, just because. To be in the moment, without overwhelming shame or fear or anxiety. TO just be. Content with who I am and where I am. Not comparing my life to others and always feeling I fall short, just being happy with me. Being my own friend.
I'd like to have some triggers under control by this time next year. Maybe not all of them, but some of the really nasty crippling ones I'd like to punch into oblivion.
And if somehow a miracle happens and we get a vacation to somewhere warm squeezed in there, well... I surely wouldn't complain about that
