Thanks Cat for taking the time to reply. Also for your insight, it's so beneficial to hear from other experiences. Not that I'm happy anyone has to go through this because it can be tough. I will take in strides and not feel rejected from his referral comment. I just hope he realizes it's me and nothing he hasn't been able to do for me.

Green, it might help to look at things from his perspective. Of course you are blaming yourself for your lack of progress, probably because you have a pattern of being down on yourself and blaming yourself for things. But the job of a T is to be able to help people, even when they're hard to help or not good at helping themselves. So if you're not making improvement, he will (rightly) see that as his own responsibility. Sometimes it happens that a T can't help someone effectively because they need a different kind of help than what they can offer. My T told me that she once had a client with a drinking problem, and that no matter what T did, it did not make any difference. Then the client finally went into a program long enough to get sober, and when she got out, T was actually able to help her then. So I don't think it's pushing you away, but trying to get you the right kind of help for where you are at.

(((GREENBEANS)))

On the one hand, it sounds like he's concerned for your well-being. On the other hand, if my T said something like that to me, I would feel a bit unsetteled too. Can you tell us more about his background?

Going back to work would be a very different experience than starting meds or having a brief hospital stay. It would actually be very stressful to go back to work and it sounds like you have enough stress already. Lots of people here SI and are not hospitalized.

It sounds like he just doesn't know what to do or how to help you. It also sounds like you've actually gotten worse under his care than better. Do you think so? The fact that you say he doesn't give you much reassurance about the relationship makes me suspect that he's not giving you the security you need in order to get better and it could be contributing to any lack of progress or even a backslide.

I'm not sure it's a fair or accurate statement for him to say he thinks he cares more about your well-being than you do. Even though it might not be fair or accurate, he believes it. If you can, you should try to discuss all this with him in your next session.

Thanks BLT for giving me your insight....I totally see your viewpoint and gives me ideas to think about.

And thanks Liese....background, well he's been in practice for over 20yrs and does do cbt with me. He has helped in so many ways, I couldn't even drive to his office when I first saw him, the commute was only 12 mins away...I could barely leave my house. He has since moved locations to another state that is just less than half hr drive from my house to his new location...and I'm able to drive there on a busy highway! So I am so much better. My panic attacks decreased. I've lost 60lbs started running and getting healthier. My dad passed away a few months after starting therapy....so I'm still dealing with that. Very guilty because I couldn't leave my house to see him in the hospital etc be there.
But my T allows for me to email him and I can call. Sometimes I want to hear more reassurance from him but he has always been one not to say you are fine, you'll be ok, he does but doesn't? And I have huge I think I annoy him issues! Which he tells me to look at the facts not my feelings.
I've just been really depressed lately. Which hasn't helped. And I just felt him giving up on me. I see him twice a wk. I see him tomorrow. When you said about the security I need I totally can relate to that. You have a way with words! I might mention that tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for the replies, it's just nice to be able to talk to people who can relate.