Hi Wynne!

It's interesting that you mentioned the laundry guage! I too measure my functionality by whether or not I can do or am keeping up on my laundry. When I used to get severely, clinically depressed I would cry because I knew I could not even do my laundry!

Also I hate to admit it but just knowing my T cares or thinks of me has sometimes reved me back into action when I have stopped caring for myself. When my old T retired I thought I was never going to do anything again. Slowly, I am starting to do things like my dishes and yes even a load of laundry last night. (Yeah I have 20 more to go but hey I did a load without my old T!) Is that pathetic?

My new T is encouraging me to be my own motivator. She is no where near as warm and fuzzy as my old one. Instead of saying comforting things to me she asks me what comforting things I can say to myself. It is a huge change for me but I understand it too. Ugh!

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Erm... btw my laundry is always done, cupboards tidy, dishwasher packed, i am very very tidy, in fact possibly even obsessive but definately not compulsive.

So..... um...... When can you come over and tidy up my home HB?

Y'know woodensoul, s'funny, CalmT's first reaction when I told him I hadn't gone outside for a bit or done things like this was that I was depressed, too. Then I explained that bits of this were about being _scared_ to go outside, and he's like, "oh." But I think it's got a lot in common with being depressed.

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she asks me what comforting things I can say to myself.

I like that! And I don't think it's pathetic a'tall.

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But I think it's got a lot in common with being depressed. And I don't think it's pathetic a'tall.

Thank you for that! I struggle with that perception of myself particularly reguarding therapy. I have my rubber gloves on now and am about to start cleaning in the el bano (bathroom)

Look at me go now. lol

Hang in there.

(Looks at laundry hamper overflowing onto floor, looks at last nights dishes in the sink, shakes head and says "maybe someday.")

There was a time in my therapy, about a year ago when I was feeling better than I've ever known myself to feel. Better than I ever imagined I _could_ feel. I had lost several pounds and was working out and running several times a week, and please don't mind if I brag: wearing a size 8! I was on top of the world and recognized just how far therapy had brought me and that it was now time to move on. I was thrilled at my accomplishments and my T shared my sentiments. I was proud and felt good that my T was proud of me too and she had even commented on how great I look.

Until the whole attachment thing hit me and I started grieving the termination process, old grief from my mother and realized I was no where near done. Since then I have been as miserable as miserable can be. Depressed and sad beyond belief as I've been processing the deeper, heavier, uglier, meaner stuff I had no idea was there. Although I've since quit drinking, I do not work out, I isolate myself, I've developed a muffin top over my jeans, I have no energy or drive or motivation to do anything I used to enjoy and the feelings of making my T happy and proud of me don't seem to ring so deeply for me anymore either. Sometimes I wish my T would rev me up a little. She too is one who wants me to do this for myself and not for her. To feel good from within rather than relying on external resources. Not to say there aren't days that I don't do good things and still notice the progress I have made, but lately it just feels so empty. (Hollars up from pit "HELLO!" "hello...hello...hello" it echoes back.)

So Wynne, idiosyncratic? I don't think so. Unless we are all idosynchronized with each other. *shrugs* Sounds typical anyway. I say enjoy the bursts when they come, because therapy is full of highs and lows among other things ya know.
JM

So this is definitely an interesting post. I just hope I don't kill it with my melancholy, poor me.

Laundry's not a good gauge for my family because it's always behind! But I will tell you that I can gauge my progress in therapy based on how much I can get done. My husband and I used to fight about housework and the state of our home constantly (Full disclosure: I'm domestically challenged. OK, full full disclosure, my mother kept an impossibly immaculate house, so if the place is really clean, I worry about what's really going on. So if I ever come to visit HB could you do me a favor and mess it up a little.) Recently, he actually told me that not only is he happy with the state of the house (the man has standards but trust me they're VERY low) but he feels like for the first time I'm actually doing more housework than him.

I really find that as I've processed all those feelings that I've kept at bay, its freed up the energy I need to live my life. So no it's absolutely not pathetic. These emotions and problems take an enormous amount of energy to deal with and we tend to discount that. So when we get relief like having positive contact with our T it makes sense we can get more done.

AG