I love my dear H, but there have been days I've considered strangling him to death

In the end it's not what we consider doing that matters, but what we DO. Don't you agree?

quote:

That it was his choice to care about me, that he made choices along the way - or something like that.

Liese... yeah I do that too. I used to do it A LOT. I'd pick out one thing and blow it out of proportion or even take it out of context looking for a reason to be mad at T. I do it much less now as we have moved closer and the relationship seems more stable.

I think your T meant he made the choice to invest in you because he felt you were worth it and he also made the choice to change his style of working with you and working with attachment because again... you are worth it and worth helping to heal and grow. I think he meant it in only the best way.

TN

(((Liese)))

quote:

That it was his choice to care about me, that he made choices along the way - or something like that.

I may be totally wrong here, but I would guess that most if not all T's make choices regarding clients; especially in the first few sessions with a new client. That initial assessment session is almost akin to a job interview in some ways with the client wanting to know if the T is right for them, and vice versa. It wouldn't surprise me if the T asks themselves questions such as "can I offer this person genuine compassion and empathy?"; "does this persons ethics and morals at least partly align with my own?"; "do I feel safe working with this client?"; "can I offer this client the right sort of help they require?" And based on their answers to their own questions they would choose whether or not to accept that client or refer them to someone more suitable for want of a better word.

In your case your T obviously answered 'yes' to all those questions and, as TN said, chose to invest in you because he felt you were worth it. Once the relationship is more established then the choices perhaps revolve around styles of working; how firm or adaptable the boundaries should be; the degree and type of between session contact etc.

So, maybe his 'choice' to care about YOU was made in the first session or two and that his telling you something reassuring now was born of that initial choice rather than you suddenly forcing him to care. I'd be inclined to accept it in the positive way it was meant and try to feel secure with it.

Hello All,

I think this idea that we are "too much" stems from a deep shame we seems to lug around in our lives. Once the shame is able to be lifted from us then we may actually value ourselves and expect others to value us. When our T's say nice things to us that is who we really are..think about it just coming for therapy shows us that we care enough about ourselves to get help...I know my T thinks that in itself gives me value...Our T's see us without the lens of shame....and by doing so they are able to help us learn to see ourselves that way...Goodbye shame!