Janedoe, This is the basis of trust, not having to ask others how they would answer it, but trusting that how "YOU" answer it is enought.

I'm not sure, JD...I think it looks something like, trusting that the person I am relating to isn't thinking bad things about me. Isn't thinking that I'm evil, or totally selfish or bad or creepy. But it's hard. For me I don't trust my H to touch me. When he is kind and understands my hurt, and that I can't just *be ok* even though I want to be- it is easier to trust him. But when he acts like I'm totally fine and nothing is wrong, then I can't trust him at all. Someone to kindly acknowledge how difficult it is to trust them helps. And maybe trusting someone means being able to ask for that- to tell them that it is difficult to trust them. Being able to be open and relaxed with a person, and just authentically you, means you trust them- at least in that moment, I think.

Yeah, it's a tough one. I see you growing in trust, JD. Trust for yourself and trust for others, the horses...slowly, just, no rush.

BB

On my phone, so not a great answer, but I think trust is evidenced in being who we are, just as we are, without any need for pretense or filtering, without fear or shame, being able to expect an appropriate or acceptable response to our honest self and needs and to not feel we owe the object of our trust in return for those things. Imagine a baby who has had her needs responded to quickly and properly over a long period of time and their existence celebrated. Even if the parent sometimes disciplines them, it does not fundamentally alter their basic assumption that they are accepted and loved, because they have the foundation of having been heard and attended to, gently corrected, etc. Basically, I guess I'm saying trust is the most vulnerable, child-like state attainable, a basic assumption of safety within a certain context (environment, relationship, etc.). I don't know if that makes sense...

For me trust would be consistency or presence in my life, without trust judging me or agreeing with me or disagreeing with me. Trust is also for me that place as Yaku puts its so well, a place where I am safe enough to show all parts of me, the good ones, the not so good ones...and have that be okay in the presence of the other person, animal, group

JD,
For me trust means that although a person is not perfect, and will fail me at times because they're a human being, I can still know that there intent towards me is one of care and wanting my well being and a willingness to face and work through whatever comes along. That the relationship is resiliant to contain both people and let them be connected but still separate, that I believe what they say, and that they believe what I say. That my benefit of the doubt extended to them turns out to be right. So it's not that I'm perfectly safe from all harm, it's knowing that we have together what we need to get through when it's not safe and doesn't feel good.

No idea. Great question!

The others have some really great answers as to what trust may look like or feel like for you. Take good care, Jane. ((((JD))))

Jane,

I've been thinking and thinking and wish I could come up with a good answer for you. I have "trust in self" issues as opposed to trust in other issues. And so basically, I need to learn to "trust" my own feelings and thoughts more, know my boundaries and being able to assert them, trusting that I'm still lovable even if I make a mistake or overreact or piss someone off. And trusting that I'm still lovable even if someone oesn't like me for who knows what reason. And maybe even just trusting that I am lovable. I need to learn to trust that I am not damaged and that there isn't anything fundamentally wrong with me.

Trusting another, to me, presumes that all those things are already in place and then you have established some kind of a relationship. And so, how that all translates into building a relationship with others is really kind of beyond my present ability right now simply because of my need to focus on the trusting in self issues first.

Yikes!!

In some ways I think that trust is a dream that can't be found.

thanks for the great responses everyone! im still processing through this but will respond more when i can

(stupid splinted hands)

jd