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6 replies

What helps you trust?

J janedoeMember
My t asked me a question... and I'm struggling to come up with any response. She wants to know what would help me trust people and specifically her. What would help me be less scared...

The question is very general, as she knows there is nothing specifically with her that makes it hard - it's hard for me with everyone, especially anyone who is a therapist or a person in a helping role.

Even though she has never done anything that makes it hard for me to trust her, like she has never broken my trust, I still struggle to feel comfortable and trust her one on one - just like I do with just about anyone. In groups, I am totally ok. One on one with people? ugh. I'm increasingly realizing how much harder that is for me.

What helps you trust your t?

What do you do, what does the t do, or what kinds of experiences have you had that helps you trust your t? What do you need to trust, or trust more?

any thoughts or input greatly appreciated...
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scaredtoriskmyselfscaredtoriskmyselfCo-moderator
I could very well nearly copy Dragonfly's list!

I have developed trust in my T slowly, but over time it gets stronger and stronger. These things help:

She is consistent
She owns up to her mistakes when she makes them
She isn't afraid to be honest with me
She gives me safe touch
She invests the time to repair ruptures in our relationship
She shows me that she is safe to turn to for help
She meets me where I'm at, I don't have to pretend to be ok
She takes the time to connect with me
She protects my privacy
She gives me a safe place to express myself
She welcomes any and all of my feelings, no matter how bad they are
She doesn't force me to trust her. If I need time, it's ok.
She shows me that she is human
J jillMember
good stuff gals...i will try to add to it.

someone who really listens...who takes time to process what they hear me say...someone who asks questions that show they understand me...someone who waits on me to slowly finish a thought...someone who doesn't judge me (although i don't think i have ever met anyone who doesn't judge me...except my husband)...someone who thinks of me when i am not there (i guess that makes me feel like i am a part of them)...someone who sees my heart as pure and my intentions, no matter how befuddled they may appear, as honest...

just daydreaming about what a perfect t would be. jill
J janedoeMember
Blanket Girl, Mad Hatter, STRM, jill ~ wow! what great replies! Thank you so much.

I'm still sorting out what helps me trust... and things that help you are helping me think!

I think I'd add that for me, honest authentic "presence" helps me a lot to feel safe enough to risk a little more, and distrust a little less. I think sometimes it helps more than all the "fixing" and advice in the world...

consistency is super critical for me. Acceptance really helps too.

hmmm...

wish I could just be more free to trust and free to let go...
halshalsMember
Great subject...time & experience are what has gotten me to a place of trust with T. Each time I push a boundary and my anxiety gets the best of me and I consider all of the horrible things that are gonna happen, he comes through. He doesn't kick me out of therapy, he doesn't look at me with disgust, he doesn't shame me, blame me or even scold me....he just does what he does I guess. I don't know how to describe it, but each time it happens, that trust gets a bit more rooted. My T isn't perfect by any means...thankfully, I've come to really accept that as weird as that is. But when it comes to the trust thing...I don't trust him 100% but I think I trust him more than I've trusted anyone in a very long time. Good luck...trust is such a hard thing....but I hope it comes...I hope you can achieve it in your relationship with T. Hals

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