Mayo,

(((hugs))) That sounds really hard and I can see why you are upset and feeling rejected and confused. Is it possible that whatever you were discussing at the end touched some sort of nerve with him and perhaps he was getting emotional and turned away so as not to show you this emotion?

I'm not sure what happened or why he did what he did, but I am so happy to hear that you sent him that text for clarification. I think that is the best course of action because you are probably going to be spinning until you get the situation clarified.

Thanks STRM for responding so quickly.

I think the last thing we were talking about was my daughter getting her first career job, and how happy we all were.

Then we moved onto scheduling for next session. I asked him how he thought I was doing and what should we work on next? and he said you are very strong. I suggested moving to 3 weeks rather than every 2 weeks. ( I would see him every week but the $$$ adds up) and blah blah blah...
Let's see- really nothing deep at all- he said he was probably going swimming tomorrow and I said I will probably go to a yoga class....and that I think was it, perhaps in a different order- but really nothing, I can't think of anything triggering I may have said. (that refers to our big disconnect in the spring)
I am feeling like a hurt kid- I don't even want to look at the description of his stupid meditation book. So hurt, so sad. It has been 3 hours since I txt him.

He will understand that it hurt and I am sure there is a simple explanation, maybe he was about to sneeze or cry or something, and turned away for his own sake, something like that rather than actually something about you.
Texting him so clearly was brilliant. He will reply and you will have it cleared up and you will wonder why you got so upset...
this is what usually happens to me...
but I sympathise.

quote:

I suggested moving to 3 weeks rather than every 2 weeks.

Could it have been this? Maybe he was feeling some reaction in himself at the thought of you needing him less? I don't know, I may be reaching here, but I'm trying to figure out why he would do that.

Does he normally text you back quickly?

I am such a sad sack, and so hurt. I just txt him agains and with such pitiful words- how do you retreive a txt.

Our huge disconnect- rupture- he did the same thing- turned his back on me, but he also yelled at me. He apologised a million times, and took all the blame for his behavior. He admitted that I triggered him deeply, but it was not intentional and I had no Idea how I had done this.
Tonight- this is triggered.
I am beginning to get very angry at myself for my pitiful 2nd txt.

Before the summer- I was going every 3 weeks. So I do not see why this should be an issue.

He always txts back. Sometimes quickly- sometimes not. Usually if I am in pain he gets back the same day.

Here is my disgustingly pitiful 2nd txt- and I wish I could etreive it- to f...ing vunerable-
"Did I miss something? Trigger you? Hurt you unaware? ( yea- part of my issue is that I ...
Oh- txt, now call coming through...
cliffhanger...

Part of my issue is that sometimes I feel a need to watch out for him- IDK why)

He txt that he'd written a long response, and it did not go through so he was calling, then the cell rang. We talked briefly and he said it was nothing- just timing. I say you do not treat people you care about like that. I am so angry. Angry at his insensitive behavior, angry at my petty pathetic txt, and just plain mad. and tired.
Thanks.

Mayo I'm sorry you were hurt in this way. I know how you feel. My T did that a few times to me and because the moment of actually "leaving" him and the room was always so hard for me I was extra sensitive to his behavior at that moment.

Once he turned from me so coldly and went to his computer and I said bye and he said bye but I didn't leave... I waited and said to him... are we ok? He said sure and then I left but I felt very uneasy. Another time... you know he has a therapy dog right...well one time he said as I was getting up to leave... gotta take doggy outside and he sort of ran out of the office leaving me standing there with my mouth open in surprise. I did call him on that at our next meeting and told him I was hurt. He said he didn't realize he left me standing there! Uh yeah...

Hey Mayo... could it be he had a sort of physical issue that he needed to hide from you? Just wonderin'....

Hang in there this will pass and don't be angry at yourself for texting.

TN

Hi Mayo ... just wanted to add my 2 cents that I've been there (very recently, in fact) ... don't beat yourself up .... IMO the anger sounds like the healthier emotion .... that's you reacting to your needs instead of his .... instead of the other way around .... and then you have to say ... IMO .... i didn't get something i needed ..... but he didn't mean to do it ... maybe i need to speak up???

P.s. I didn't think your text was bad .... but I know how vulnerable it feels ....

quote:

he said it was nothing- just timing.

this may be all it is.
But you being hurt about it and sending a very okay text, that is all okay too, - you are allowed to express how you feel about all this. He may need time to see if there is anything else going on his side. And I like TN's comment about maybe he needed to hide something physical from you...

it reminds me of the phrase we use here a lot
"sometimes it is not about you, it is about the other, what is happening for them' - sounds like this is very possible in this situation.

Still - sorry it has triggered you so hugely - but very fruitful stuff coming up for you and you can work with him on it.

yours philisophically whilst limping along myself at 4.30am on a very sleepless night.

Thankyou- for all of the support.

I am really surprised how badly triggered I am by this. From the outside looking in- it seems like such a minor thing. There is work for me here- indeed. I don't know thepersonal significance of someone turning their back on me. Here is the rest of my pathetic txt to him-
...should I drop it? I just don't understand? Are you tired of me, bored with me? am I reading too much into something? I can go away if you prefer- I guess I am triggered. I will feel better after swimming."

I don't mind you guys reading it, but sending it to him makes me look like a scared whiney needy child. In saying that, I guess that is the work.

Sometime during the night- he did send me the txt-

T-" yea I picked that up to like "hey what about my hug?" but had sat down to put your apppoint in, (he did not sit down- he was standing with his back turned - liar, liar) so I wouldn't forget and you were moving to the door and we were thinking I was late for the next appointment ( I certainly was not thinking that) . So please don't go away, just distracted by the moment and not what I experience of you at all."

That was nice of him, but man does this hurt. I can't go swimming this morning- because he said that he was going and he is the last person on this earth I'd want to see right now.
Sheychen- try to get some sleep today, and thanks for listening to my dribble.

I seriously doubt the physical stuff. A very small bad part of me would be pleased with that, but most of me would run for the hills. I guess this is the CSA part of the equation. I was so young when it happened guessing ages 4-6 ?

TN, Liese- thanks for your similar stories- It makes me think- with all of their wisdom and degrees- why are they so stupid sometimes? Common courtesy, duh!

Just a follow-up.

I txt him, he txt me, huge fight with my husband left me partially derailed. My T said come on over. Since I thought he was giving up his lunch hour to see me, I picked up a pie along the way. (Peach still warm- from the Apple pit- they make their own). We talked about the signifigance of him turning his back, he maintains it was just timing..., and my reaction was just a huge trigger. He was his normal cool T self, and we talked about my lack of trust and my hospitalization for a month when I was 9. Talked about rejections in my life- the strong image of holding onto someones heels and crying, and that person trying to walk away. (I don't know if that is even real though) I cried a little- that was good.
Then we broke out the plastics sat on his couch and had pie. It was good.

Mayo,

I'm glad that you were able to see your T and get some clarification as to why he behaved the way he did. It sounds like the session went really well. Oh and that pie sounds yummy!

Hi Mayo ... It's great that you can be so honest with him about how you feel triggered .... I sometimes have those memories too .... when I am not sure I am making something up or not ....

It was.

Having pie with my T was just good medicine.

Liese- your message just popped up.
I wonder if those types of memories are real or not. My T says it really doesn't matter if it was or not, he says I don't have to remember everything, but I feel I have to- a sort of a validation. I guess he means since the ideaa came up and was strong- that is significant enough. IDK though. Sure would like to know.