Affinity... hi and welcome to the Board. I don't think we officially met yet.

My T insists that I look at him and maintain eye contact. When I first started with him I was traumatized from being abandoned by a former T. I could barely even "see" my T I was in such a fog. But he insisted that I look in his direction when I spoke to him or he to me. He often tells me it's important that I SEE what he is telling me. I need to watch the look on his face or in his eyes. I guess it's because there are a lot of non-verbals that we miss when we are not looking. That right brain connection is much more difficult without the visuals. My T wants me to see that he approves of me, is proud of me and empathizes with me. I have to say that the effort of keeping eye contact during difficult moments is so worth it when I see him beaming at me with pride and I see the love and care in his eyes.

Keep trying.
TN

I just had this happen with me and my T, also. He says those who don't maintain eye contact usually suffer from shame. He keeps encouraging me to look at him. I told him I could hear him. He said that wasn't enough. He said, "You need to look at my eyes and see that they are accepting of you." When I don't look, I tend to disocciate and start looping. So, I am really trying to concentrate on making eye contact with him during sessions, as much as I can. I seem to be increasing it more and more with every session.

Hi, True North! Thanks for the response. It makes a lot of sense.

I've been kicking around on the forum for about two weeks now. I didn't start at the Intro thread like a good girl should; instead, I just jumped right into the heavy stuff. Typical me. I'm bad at small talk. Lovely to meet you, though.

quote:

"You need to look at my eyes and see that they are accepting of you."

That's it! LJB. The we find that acceptance in their eyes that we never had with anyone else. My T wants me to see his acceptance of who I am.

Hi back to both of you and

TN