When the defenses are dismantled, what is left? What takes their place? Most importantly, without them, who are you?
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I don't know the intellectual answer to this, but what comes to my mind is, without them, we are naked and vulnerable. Not sure at the moment why that would be desirable.
my instant response would be "yourself"
but i am a loooong way from dismantling my defenses, so i'm a poor one to ask.
but i am a loooong way from dismantling my defenses, so i'm a poor one to ask.
The defenses you used as a child are no longer needed today, they just prevent you from living a full and present life. You replace them with healthy coping skills that work for an adult. It takes awhile and when you lose the defenses and have not yet put in place the new coping skills is when you may need extra support from your T and from the Board.
TN
TN
TAS, that is a really good question. Especially because for some of us the entire self we've constructed may be an elaborate defensive mechanism against a deep pain.
So what do you do once that is gone? Just start constructing a "different" self? One that is more "authentic"? If the self is a construct what do we mean when we speak of an authentic self? What is an authentic construct?
I have been thinking lately about how an unfortunate effect of defense mechanisms is that they "protect" us from immediacy, reality, being fully in the moment, being present. Maybe once we brush past them. . . or deconstruct them. . . and confront the pain, a kind of centered awareness becomes possible that wasn't before. An openness to life as it comes, to the thoughts and feelings that arise within ourselves, to others as we encounter them. Perhaps this centered awareness *is* the true self. Or if not, perhaps it is the source from which a truer self can develop.
Just some thoughts.
So what do you do once that is gone? Just start constructing a "different" self? One that is more "authentic"? If the self is a construct what do we mean when we speak of an authentic self? What is an authentic construct?
I have been thinking lately about how an unfortunate effect of defense mechanisms is that they "protect" us from immediacy, reality, being fully in the moment, being present. Maybe once we brush past them. . . or deconstruct them. . . and confront the pain, a kind of centered awareness becomes possible that wasn't before. An openness to life as it comes, to the thoughts and feelings that arise within ourselves, to others as we encounter them. Perhaps this centered awareness *is* the true self. Or if not, perhaps it is the source from which a truer self can develop.
Just some thoughts.
Without them I don't know who I am either, TAS 
Ah, cross posted with TN. I like her response better than mine. 
I forgot about coping skills. Coping skills are good.
I forgot about coping skills. Coping skills are good.
Thank you for the replies.
MH: That is exactly how I feel right now. I am not a friend to vulnerability.
TN: Coping skills...yes. UGH: extra support from T :/ That is when I want to run.
CD: I guess the defenses can make up who the person is, that once they are removed, what is left of the person? What is then constructed? I guess is becomes a deeper question, "What makes a person once the defenses are gone?"
What is BEHIND the defenses? For those who have experienced the defenses coming down...what is behind them?
HIC: Good words! When you see the defenses coming down...you can no longer hide behind them...you are forced to see what is within you.
Catalyst: I hope we are able to find who we are...thinking of you
MH: That is exactly how I feel right now. I am not a friend to vulnerability.
TN: Coping skills...yes. UGH: extra support from T :/ That is when I want to run.
CD: I guess the defenses can make up who the person is, that once they are removed, what is left of the person? What is then constructed? I guess is becomes a deeper question, "What makes a person once the defenses are gone?"
What is BEHIND the defenses? For those who have experienced the defenses coming down...what is behind them?
HIC: Good words! When you see the defenses coming down...you can no longer hide behind them...you are forced to see what is within you.
Catalyst:
I hope we are able to find who we are...thinking of you
what's behind defenses?
apart from a truckload of emotions
is who you really are
and who has been hidden all this time
apart from a truckload of emotions
is who you really are
and who has been hidden all this time
yeah that. i guess that's what i was getting at.
agree with GE and CD. For me, behind my defenses is my authentic self. A person who is happy and spontaneous, and free. Not drowned by the weight of my past...constantly viewing my present through the distorted lens of my past (hello depression). Not defended against either...because my wall prevents me from fully being vulnerable/myself with others sometimes. But free to feel sad/anger/rage/etc about my past, but also free to live in the present, knowing I matter and deserve to be happy.
How's that for a vague, pollyanna response? ha! I'm far from that...but I so badly want to break my defenses down so that I can be more free and authentic (whatever that is for me). I don't think my defenses change who I am fundamentally, but they obscure my happiness and authenticity.
How's that for a vague, pollyanna response? ha! I'm far from that...but I so badly want to break my defenses down so that I can be more free and authentic (whatever that is for me). I don't think my defenses change who I am fundamentally, but they obscure my happiness and authenticity.
someone free to love and be loved, to relax in love, care and friendship and be nourished by it
someone free to have their genuine likes and dislikes, to choose and act accordingly
someone free to speak their thoughts and feelings, whether deeply held or fleeting & changing
someone free to change and grow, to work for the changes that they care about
someone free to trust in their strengths, to know difficulties in tasks and relationships can often be overcome
someone with a sense of security in home
someone free to let go and move away from what doesn't serve her
someone free to have their genuine likes and dislikes, to choose and act accordingly
someone free to speak their thoughts and feelings, whether deeply held or fleeting & changing
someone free to change and grow, to work for the changes that they care about
someone free to trust in their strengths, to know difficulties in tasks and relationships can often be overcome
someone with a sense of security in home
someone free to let go and move away from what doesn't serve her
quote:Originally posted by TAS:
When the defenses are dismantled, what is left? What takes their place? Most importantly, without them, who are you?
What is left TAS is an opportunity to be rebuilt in the way God created you to be! Hardest thing to do but in the end...the greatest reward!
In Transition,
I like what you wrote. I think I should write that down and read it over and over each day.
I like what you wrote. I think I should write that down and read it over and over each day.