I'm currently trying to find a new primary care doctor. I have two specialists I see, and all goes well there. Primary care doctors are really triggery for me though, for a lot of reasons (not the least of which is that my abusive uncle was also my pediatrition growing up.)

I usually put down on the new patient medical history forms that I have PTSD. Without fail, every new docor that ever sees it always asks, "oh, what is the PTSD from?"

My typical answer is "childhood and adulthood trauma." If they ask anymore, I just say I'm not confortable saying anything else. That usually suffices and it doesn't come up again.

Today, I saw a new primary care doctor. He seems very nice, very respectful. As we went over my health history form, he saw the PTSD and sure enough, asked, "what is the PTSD from?"

I replied, "Trauma."

long awkward pause ensued.

He then said, "oh, so you don't want to say any more?" I'm not sure if this was a question or a statement...

but I kept talking anyhow. (sigh)

I replied, "Not really no. Trauma is ah... traumatic. It's not exactly fun to talk about. What matters now is that I'm working on getting better."

He then said that was ok. He also said I could "share more later."

Share more later? ha.

Since I am one to make bad situtation worse lately, I said, "If I was bipolar, no primary care doctor would ask, what is the bipolar from? They know, oh, her nervous system is messed up. I just don't understand why you need details of trauma in my life to treat a sinus infection. What matters is that I have PTSD and my nervous system is messed up and I'm working on recovering from it."

I understand a PCP might need to know medical things that come from the trauma - like physical injuries. I also understand it's helpful, sort of, for them to know I have PTSD. I always give that info... but outside of that, I have this weird attitude of late that "hey doc, PTSD comes from trauma, the end." Am I wrong to be so blunt?

It's always my choice on what I say. I do *not* feel bad about choosing to not detail the trauma I went through.

I am confused about why they ask, and so admantly, "What is your PTSD *from*?" Every primary care doctor I've ever seen since having ptsd asks this, and the exact same question too. I don't even talk to my T about it well... And yet, I know he asks to understand me better and provide better care, I just don't want to even say there is any trauma... Yet something got into me and I was a smart-aleck about it - and yet, I don't understand how to say more. I just want it to be private, really badly, right now. I would like my PTSD to go away entirely!

Maybe I should apoligize to the doctor.

Any thoughts? Anyone else run into this? I wonder what has gotten into me...