Okay...guess I'll be the first to respond. This happened with my first T when I just started therapy. I'll admit, I came to my session buzzed. I remember drinking to "take the edge off." However, it bushwacked me-- big time. I won't go into all that was said (because that is in my manuscript that I am writing), but I will tell you that he did continue to see me. So, it wasn't a deal-breaker. Miss him so much. Heaven received a gem.

LJB

I told her "f*** you." Also once I said I hoped she'd die. She didn't even seem upset by either one.

I wasn't certain this would be a deal breaker, but I thought for sure this would rock the boat and didn't know what his reaction would be since I'm usually well-mannered in session.

Right before he left for the summer, I said...

You're just like my mom and dad
You know I can barely handle a few days
How could you leave me for so long?
If you cared about me, you wouldn't leave me all summer
Don't you see I'm struggling?
I'm in so much pain
I'm not going to be okay
F#$* YOU

He teared up, said he was so happy I told him how I felt and asked me to say it all again.

LJB: I am glad you had someone who wasn't scared off by this. I am sorry to hear he is no longer here on this earth. I hope your manuscript is going well. Thank you for telling this story.

BLT: I love it! Unphased. Steady. Constant. Unmoveable. I have told the Therapist I see "F*** you!" in many different ways. I think when we do this, it actually catches us off guard more than it does them

PassionFruit: This was very moving. The last line where you stated he asked you to say it all again. Powerful. I have never been able to say those things, but if I could, I would. You were very courageous to share these things with him.

Thank you for telling your stories

One of my moments was when I took a page from my file because I was worried about him writing bad things about me. He would never have known, except I felt so horrible about it, I "turned myself in." He would have never known, but I knew and unless I told him, I knew how open I could be with him would be affected.

The most recent one, six weeks ago, I got so pissed at him when I left his office I turned his thermostat up to 83. I was completely in a childlike place and really threw a tantrum.

Needless to say, he "knew" I had done it. He did not chide me or use his words to beat me up over it. I think that was most unsettled I had ever been towards him.

I wish someday to really say or do something horrible. I'm not there yet. I can't. Too risky.

I have said lots of stuff. After one of our first ruptures, I told her that what she did/said/treated me was doing me damage. She cried. Said it lots of times since in varying ways and she is immune to it now.

TAS - I cracked up with the thermostat. Sorry, not that the tantrum was funny. I'm sorry you were pissed. I was just trying to imagine a T's face after realizing the temp was changed.

My T's response was pretty amazing. After he had me say it again, he then told me he felt helpless and was heartbroken and hurting that he had to leave me for so long. He knew I would not be okay and he said he was so sorry. He said he would never want to hurt me and that he cares about me. His response to my pain was a huge healing moment for me. Honestly, I don't think he would have told me all those nice things if I didn't tell him how I really felt.

I think I felt safe to say it because he was leaving for a long time and for some reason that long break gave me the strength to say what I felt.