Just wondering if you have any ideas of what you're afraid of?? I know I am afraid of many things and go to great lengths to avoid them myself.

Turtle,

There is fear of change, and also responsibility, these are every day challenges so why am I afraid of them?

(((scars)))
maybe you're scared of letting go of something you've come to associate as being reliable. it reliably helps avoid facing no-so-great feelings like loneliness, fear, anxiety. maybe, like me, you're afraid of failure ... what if i relapse, then i'm a failure and i don't want to risk being a failure (i know logically that makes no sense whatsoever, but that's my brain at work that i have to deal with on a daily basis ). it's a good question. i hope others can pitch in for more perspectives. (((scars)))

RT

The problem is that it hurts very much now yet still can't take that step.

CD, yes the risk of being a failure, and all the what ifs that go with it!!

My guess is you're afraid of the feelings your ED and drinking are covering up.

(((scars))) whatever you're experiencing or thinking now, i'm thinking about you and wish you the best on your life journey. keep us posted, cuz we care