Does anyone know what it is called when feels as if they have broken off from themselves?
Thank you,
T.
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TAS...I'm not sure you saw my reply to you in your other thread but I feel it's important so I'm reposting it here:
About attachment and therapy...
TAS there is something here that you do not understand. In order to heal attachment injuries you MUST attach to someone healthy who will maintain boundaries while allowing you to experience that moving closer to someone is not dangerous. It may feel scary (because it's new and different) but it's not dangerous. I wish I had a dollar for every time my T told me this.
Attachment is part of a child's normal development. You did not have this part, this step of your developmental growth during childhood so you must go back and correct it now and experience attachment now. Yes it will be intense for awhile but that is okay... it will ease over time. In fact, the closer you move towards your T and the more he stands still and accepts and allows it the less intensity you will feel about him. But in the beginning it's new and scary and intense. You just have to understand that this is normal for someone going through these developmental stages.
Think of young children. When they are small they attach to parents and cling to them and don't easily go to strangers. Then they begin to explore the world, checking back with a glance to be sure mom is there. Later they easily go off with friends to school. As they grow they will go off to college and live away for the first time. There is a process of individuation. Think about college students... the freshmen are homesick and come home whenever they can. Sophomores come home less and then juniors and seniors are busy at break time maybe with a job or going on vacation with friends or even spending break with a friend's family. They don't come home as often but are secure that home is there whenever they need it.
This is the closest thing to a therapy relationship with attachment. You won't always feel these intense feelings for your T. But you will always know he is there for you.
Being able to attach (as you have seemed to do with your T) is a sign of health. Some people cannot attach to anyone. Why would you try to fight and avoid and destroy something that is healthy and good for you?
You need to go and keep going consistently. Otherwise you will stay in this hellish limbo place.
TN
About attachment and therapy...
TAS there is something here that you do not understand. In order to heal attachment injuries you MUST attach to someone healthy who will maintain boundaries while allowing you to experience that moving closer to someone is not dangerous. It may feel scary (because it's new and different) but it's not dangerous. I wish I had a dollar for every time my T told me this.
Attachment is part of a child's normal development. You did not have this part, this step of your developmental growth during childhood so you must go back and correct it now and experience attachment now. Yes it will be intense for awhile but that is okay... it will ease over time. In fact, the closer you move towards your T and the more he stands still and accepts and allows it the less intensity you will feel about him. But in the beginning it's new and scary and intense. You just have to understand that this is normal for someone going through these developmental stages.
Think of young children. When they are small they attach to parents and cling to them and don't easily go to strangers. Then they begin to explore the world, checking back with a glance to be sure mom is there. Later they easily go off with friends to school. As they grow they will go off to college and live away for the first time. There is a process of individuation. Think about college students... the freshmen are homesick and come home whenever they can. Sophomores come home less and then juniors and seniors are busy at break time maybe with a job or going on vacation with friends or even spending break with a friend's family. They don't come home as often but are secure that home is there whenever they need it.
This is the closest thing to a therapy relationship with attachment. You won't always feel these intense feelings for your T. But you will always know he is there for you.
Being able to attach (as you have seemed to do with your T) is a sign of health. Some people cannot attach to anyone. Why would you try to fight and avoid and destroy something that is healthy and good for you?
You need to go and keep going consistently. Otherwise you will stay in this hellish limbo place.
TN
Typo correction: "...someone feels they have broken off from themselves?"
TN: This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I get it logically. I want to run away, but I know it won't make things better. Thank you.
T.
T.
Thanks Poppet...love ya!
quote:This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. I get it logically. I want to run away, but I know it won't make things better. Thank you.
TAS... why do you want to run away? Explain it better so I can understand it.
Thx
TN
Poppet:
The only way I can explain it is that I feel that I have broken off from myself. This last event in my life has truly turned everything upside down in my life.
I feel disconnected from myself. It's like I can not feel anything. Nothing moves me. I feel that I checked out when this event happened and I can not find my way back to me.
It definitely feels that my brain has disconnected from the rest of me. That is the only way that I can explain it.
Thank you for your reply.
T.
The only way I can explain it is that I feel that I have broken off from myself. This last event in my life has truly turned everything upside down in my life.
I feel disconnected from myself. It's like I can not feel anything. Nothing moves me. I feel that I checked out when this event happened and I can not find my way back to me.
It definitely feels that my brain has disconnected from the rest of me. That is the only way that I can explain it.
Thank you for your reply.
T.
TN:
Thank you for your question. Last session, two weeks ago, I let my guard down somewhat and forced myself to be as transparent as I could. It was very difficult to do...yet, I felt if therapy is going to work...I have to be as honest as possible.
As soon as I did that, I have completely backed off and want to go into hiding. It's like I want to go towards the Therapist...and yet, pull back at the same time. Actually, it feels that I am going crazy at times, because it is a constant back and forth.
I don't mean this any other way than how I mean it. I am really messed up in the attachment area...severely. I feel that I am flawed, messed up and that it is my fault. It's unfair that he has to continually deal with this part of me, which I hate.
I wish I wasn't this way. I am sure there are many who can relate to having to look at the way you are because someone abused you (this is not an excuse, but just a fact that abused children learn flawed ways to cope...and then as they enter adulthood, the ways of coping no longer work...creating more problems.)
I just wish I wasn't who I am, wish I didn't have my history.
The best way to put it is there is a couple who walk a main road in the city I live in and they pick up trash that others throw out alongside the road.
I thought about that as I passed them by. I feel that others have been throwing trash into my life, and instead of them picking it up, I have to. It's not that I am choosing to do. I feel that I am being forced to. This is my life and yet it has never been my life because of the actions of others.
Even now, with what I am dealing with, it's due to the actions of another. I am picking up more trash...and more trash.
I think I got sidetracked, but I hope I answered your question.
Thank you for your reply
T.
Thank you for your question. Last session, two weeks ago, I let my guard down somewhat and forced myself to be as transparent as I could. It was very difficult to do...yet, I felt if therapy is going to work...I have to be as honest as possible.
As soon as I did that, I have completely backed off and want to go into hiding. It's like I want to go towards the Therapist...and yet, pull back at the same time. Actually, it feels that I am going crazy at times, because it is a constant back and forth.
I don't mean this any other way than how I mean it. I am really messed up in the attachment area...severely. I feel that I am flawed, messed up and that it is my fault. It's unfair that he has to continually deal with this part of me, which I hate.
I wish I wasn't this way. I am sure there are many who can relate to having to look at the way you are because someone abused you (this is not an excuse, but just a fact that abused children learn flawed ways to cope...and then as they enter adulthood, the ways of coping no longer work...creating more problems.)
I just wish I wasn't who I am, wish I didn't have my history.
The best way to put it is there is a couple who walk a main road in the city I live in and they pick up trash that others throw out alongside the road.
I thought about that as I passed them by. I feel that others have been throwing trash into my life, and instead of them picking it up, I have to. It's not that I am choosing to do. I feel that I am being forced to. This is my life and yet it has never been my life because of the actions of others.
Even now, with what I am dealing with, it's due to the actions of another. I am picking up more trash...and more trash.
I think I got sidetracked, but I hope I answered your question.
Thank you for your reply
T.
quote:Thank you for your question. Last session, two weeks ago, I let my guard down somewhat and forced myself to be as transparent as I could. It was very difficult to do...yet, I felt if therapy is going to work...I have to be as honest as possible.
As soon as I did that, I have completely backed off and want to go into hiding. It's like I want to go towards the Therapist...and yet, pull back at the same time. Actually, it feels that I am going crazy at times, because it is a constant back and forth.
Ahhhh... the dreaded "I moved an inch closer to T and now I have to run for the hills" syndrome!
Been there done that and still do it on occassion. My T knows I do this and whenever I confess something big/new to him he is expecting me to pull back, pick a fight, complain about him, etc., until I can settle down again. He calmly and patiently reminds me of our relationship, our history and his own behavior towards me. He is good at contrasting his behavior with those who have hurt me in the past. It takes time, but doing it again and again begins to make inroads into my brain and in tiny steps my behavior has changed.I would strongly suggest you read AG's excellent blog post on disorganized attachment. She does a great job explaining it without getting too complicated, so it's easy for the lay person to understand. I suggest you read it and then print it out and hand it to your T and tell him THIS is what you are struggling with.
http://boundaryninjatales.com/...zy-but-really-arent/
I think it will truly help you and him to move your relationship to a better place. Or you can just keep cancelling and feeling terrified. You have to take a tiny step towards understanding what is going on with you and a tiny step towards your T even if it feels scary. Once you do this and you see it's not so terrible you will have the strength to take that second step. If you don't, you will remain in this limbo place and you won't heal. I know it sucks but this is what has to happen in therapy. I wish I had an easier answer for you.
TN