Hi MH,

Your T's answer would not sit well with me at all. My current T does relational and psychodynamic therapy. And she is very open and willing to talk about the techniques she uses. She even states them right up front in her bio. She has never been evasive or mysterious in response to my questions regarding therapy techniques. Not all patients ask about the techniques, but in my opinion, if the patient asks, then they deserve to know and it should not be kept a secret.

I specifically looked for psychodynamic because of all the misunderstandings with my former T, who was definitely not open to discussing his "techniques" with me, based on his defensive responses to the few questions I did ask.

Based on what we were talking about in the therapy, and what I was reading here, I thought we had gotten to the point of learning about me by looking at the therapeutic relationship itself, through the feelings I was having about the therapy and about him. I did not know the word "psychodynamic" at the time. Later, when things fell apart, I described to another T at that clinic how I was confused and what I had been expecting. She appeared confused and said no one at that clinic was trained to do that kind of psychoanalysis-based therapy. My former T is cognitive-behavioral (CBT). CBT is a shorter-term type of therapy that focuses on challenging the way you think and behave rather than focusing more on insight and feelings. So he was basically trying to do psychoanalysis-based therapy, CBT-style. Didn't really work, though, because he most likely hasn't done his own psychoanalytic work.

I've also read that some T's don't like to tell the patient about their techniques because they believe it gives the patient the opportunity to develop better defenses against them and so the therapy becomes less effective. I don't know how much truth there is to that. But after my own experience, I strongly encourage you to educate yourself as much as you can. After the experience I had I would never stay with a T who wouldn't be open about their techniques with me.

Here is a link to one of the websites I found helpful regarding "types" of therapy:

Types of Therapy

SG

Hi MH,
I have to agree with SG, your Ts answer might get me a little nervous, although you would have a much better feel for trusting her.

I do a LOT of reading about therapy, partly to understand what I'm going through but also because I find it fascinating. I've gotten to the point where I'm reading books written for therapists and there have been a number of times that I have been reading the same books as my therapist. He actually read General Theory of Love because I told him about it (yes, I really do tell EVERYONE about that book.) He told me once that earlier in his career it might have felt more threatening to him that I was reading that extensively, especially the same things he was, but at this point in his life he welcomes knowledge wherever it comes from. And he has told me that my understanding of the process has helped me to heal. So if you're feeling curious about it, I think its a good thing to learn about. I actually got started reading because I asked my T for a good book on attachment. Then I continued because I think I was obsessed with trying to see what therapy was like for the T and then I just got hooked.

My Ts training is in CBT but his approach is very eclectic, he uses a combination of CBT, psychodynamic techniques, Kohut, Rogerian client-centered therapy, attachment therapy and a very well-honed gut. He's a voracious reader who always has a big pile of books on his table and desk and he's one of the most intellectually curious people I've ever met (it's one of his most appealing qualities). Essentially he is very open to life and learning from wherever he can: reading, his experience, his patients, anywhere he can. But I know that his main tenet is based on the I-thou philosophy of Buber which is about just being with someone, being open to them and connecting in a way that is beyond our ability to describe. In fact, as soon as you start to examine it, you destroy it. That doesn't do a good job of descibing it, I only have a faint understanding of it because I have seen him do it so many times. But I do appreciate that he has been willing to discuss any questions or understandings that I bring to him. He has a deep humility which I really appreciate.

AG

My T is very open that he uses an eclectic style of therapy which includes psychodynamic, interpersonal, relational and a smattering of CBT. I would say that his approach is client-centered. He has never evaded discussing this topic with me and he knows that I read a lot of books about psychotherapy and he will never pretend to be what he is not and is very open about what he does not know. But he is also very open to what I have to contribute and we seem to work well collaboratively. I have taught him about attachment and trauma and I have learned so many things from him.

I don't think I could work with someone who was not open about their style nor willing to answer questions or even be open to learning new things. I would be afraid they were hiding something or threatened by my own knowledge. I have a problem with trusting people and if my T has said just trust me I would automatically be more suspicious than ever. Trust is something earned over time (after much testing) and does not come easy for me.

TN

I asked my T this question couple of weeks ago.

I didn't have a clue about therapy when I started, and I didn't even ask what kind of therapy he will be doing.
Only after I "discovered" transference I started to read and research a bit. When I told him that I read, and asked if it is ok for me to find out about this things, he said that it doesn't really matter because therapists, (who know all this stuff) also go to therapy. The only thing that maybe worried him slightly was that I may read about transference to intellectualize it and understand and maybe reject as pointless and fake. But it was not like that. I was reading because that kind of fascinated me and perhaps I also wanted to impress him with how smart I am.
Anyway, he didn't have any problem with answering my question. He said that it is psychodynamic of course, that he's using existential approach, also Gestalt and CBT, some dream analysis and I forgot what else.

I think my general idea of therapy was something like CBT, that he will talk to me and change the way I think somehow. I don't think CBT therapy would work on me, maybe it would but going deeper is so much more interesting and it changes so much, it feels that it is a change from inside out, from bottom to the top (as described on the My Shrink website). While I imagine CBT would be just a way of convincing me to change the way I look at things.

SG - I'm a bit surprised that therapists in the clinic you went to weren't prepared to work with clients with any other kind of therapy but CBT. And now you are hurting because they weren't prepared enough.

First of all, I just want to say I’m cringing a little after reading the other responses on this thread. They are so positive and reasonable compared to my “watch your back or they’ll getcha!” answer. My anger over what happened to me is really apparent and I’m sorry for responding so heavy-handedly. So I hope you will take what I said with several grains of salt. Above everything else, I agree whole-heartedly that humility is critical in a T. At least as important as the technique. Maybe more.

And I also love to read about therapy and psychology and find it fascinating. I have a little library already and tons of bookmarks to therapy and psychology websites on my computer. So even without the previous bad experience I would still need a T who is okay with my curiosity and way of analyzing everything.

Just to clarify, Amazon: She didn’t say they only did CBT at the clinic, only that no one at the clinic was trained to do psychoanalysis-based therapy, and that my T was trained in CBT. But then later, when I told her I’d found someone who knew how to do psychodynamic, which stems from psychoanalysis, she backpedaled and contradicted what she’d said earlier by saying lots of their T’s do psychodynamic, they just don’t call it that. There were other things that didn’t add up, and I’ve already described them in other threads, but in summary there was more going on behind the scenes that I’ll never really know. The couples T did say she thought we’d gone as far as we could go in the therapy with my former T and that we just couldn’t go any farther. That’s fair. I think my former T found himself in over his head and needed to find a way out without opening himself or the clinic up to possible legal problems.

SG

MH,

After reading the above responses to your question - I feel a bit lacking in my ability to respond. But I will say what I can...

I believe that all T's, through their training learn a bit of all techniques and then as they grow - they develop their own style. As if they take the styles that they like and work them in the way that is successful for them and their clients. I believe that a good T would adapt their techniques to their clients needs.

I had informed my T, when we started about 2 years ago, that the therapy styles I have experienced (especially traditional 'talk' therapy) - just haven't helped.

She said that the importance of being in 'relationship' (connecting) is what she strongly bases her overall therapy on. She uses hypnosis, interactive therapy, body-mind therapy, to name a few. She is VERY mind, body, and spirit oriented – like a holistic approach. For me, taking the entire person into account is very important (that is how I do my own work) and it is nice to know that my T sees me from all those aspects since I surely don’t!

I believe my T and 'Shrinklady' were created from a very similar mold... I have read this site from front to back and have discussed some concerns with 'Shrinklady' and sometimes I think that she and my T are one in the same...

KS

I just wanted to add here that there are many different styles and schools of psychotherapy and many Ts use a blend of them suited for the issues and the patients they are helping. But, all the studies have shown overwhemingly that it is the quality of the relationship that matters most... the connectedness, the attunement the feeling safe....that is the most telling thing about successful therapy.

I remind myself and my T of this when I know he feels that he is not expert enough in attachment to help me. It doesn't seem to matter to me because of the quality and depthness to our relationship. I feel that has had the most impact on my therapy.

TN

Hmm. Thanks for the responses so far. I was going to be submissive and just accept her non-answer, but now I'm reconsidering.

quote:

Originally posted by strummergirl:
I've also read that some T's don't like to tell the patient about their techniques because they believe it gives the patient the opportunity to develop better defenses against them and so the therapy becomes less effective. I don't know how much truth there is to that. But after my own experience, I strongly encourage you to educate yourself as much as you can. After the experience I had I would never stay with a T who wouldn't be open about their techniques with me.

I sort of suspect this is where my T is coming from, that she doesn't think it would be good for me. She knows I am always worried about what I say and whether or not she is judging me, and that I probably would use any information I could find out about her techniques to try to stay one step ahead of her. My T also seems similarly evasive when it comes to talking diagnoses, so I'm not sure what all my labels are.

BTW, thanks for the link - it is very helpful!

quote:

Originally posted by Attachment Girl:
So if you're feeling curious about it, I think its a good thing to learn about.

That is what I think too. Heaven knows I am trying my best already, so she might as well help me out a little! I will probably push her on it again in the future, maybe after I have armed myself with more knowledge. I have a few clues. I think she is probably eclectic, like many T's these days. She's been practicing for 20 years -- enough time to have developed her own style. I am pretty sure she is not using CBT predominantly. She has talked about her philosophy of getting at the underlying root causes instead of just treating symptoms and teaching coping mechanisms. The title of her practice has the word "insight" in it (so psychodynamic?). She has also mentioned several attitudes that sound like Client-Centered/Rogerian theory, such as the concept of the self-actualization tendency. I also know she does EMDR and hypnotherapy, but those can be incorporated into many different styles.

quote:

Originally posted by True North:
I don't think I could work with someone who was not open about their style nor willing to answer questions or even be open to learning new things. I would be afraid they were hiding something or threatened by my own knowledge. I have a problem with trusting people and if my T has said just trust me I would automatically be more suspicious than ever. Trust is something earned over time (after much testing) and does not come easy for me.

TN, I am afraid she is hiding something, but is she hiding something about herself or about me? Maybe she doesn't think I can handle the truth about myself. Or maybe she thinks I will not trust she is genuine if I see everything she does as a "technique". Yes, there are trust issues that are openly acknowledged between us. I can tell that she really wants me to let go of trying to control the outcome of each session.

quote:

Originally posted by Amazon:
The only thing that maybe worried him slightly was that I may read about transference to intellectualize it and understand and maybe reject as pointless and fake. But it was not like that. I was reading because that kind of fascinated me and perhaps I also wanted to impress him with how smart I am.

If I am being honest with myself, I think it is both for me. I am fascinated and want to learn more out of curiosity. I do also look for knowledge as a potential weapon or defense.

quote:

Originally posted by Echo:
I agree that it seems odd and would make me uncomfortable if my therapist wasn't willing to discuss her technique and where the therapy is headed. It would make me think she's winging it.

I felt a little unsettled when I read this quote because I hadn't thought of it that way before. I want to believe she is just focused on building a relationship of trust right now, but the thought that she might just be winging it is another little nagging doubt in the way.

quote:

Originally posted by KS:
She said that the importance of being in 'relationship' (connecting) is what she strongly bases her overall therapy on.

quote:

Originally posted by True North:
I just wanted to add here that there are many different styles and schools of psychotherapy and many Ts use a blend of them suited for the issues and the patients they are helping. But, all the studies have shown overwhemingly that it is the quality of the relationship that matters most... the connectedness, the attunement the feeling safe....that is the most telling thing about successful therapy.

I will have to say that, although I still haven't given 100% trust to my T, I am increasingly experiencing a "safe" feeling with her - a safe feeling often interrupted, but dang-it-all, the woman is gradually winning me over. On my gut level I know that she can't help me if this doesn't occur, but can she even then?

I read about therapist's self-disclosure in "The Gift of Therapy" by Irvin Yalom.
He mentions three kinds of self-disclosure
1. about the therapy process
2. about therapists feelings and thoughts
3. about therapists personal life

He says it always has to be in client's or patient's best interest that therapist may decide to share something he/she knows/feels/does.
So maybe your T didn't want to answer your question becuse she wasn't sure that this would be good and helpful for you?

quote:

Or maybe she thinks I will not trust she is genuine if I see everything she does as a "technique".

Unfortunately, that's how i feel a lot of the time about my T. Like she is telling me what she thinks I want/need to hear rather than the truth, and that she says the same stuff to all of her clients... like the other day when she said that how i feel isn't just important, it's important to her - that feels like a line out of a book rather than genuine. I have big trust issues so no doubt that plays a part too, but it's hard when you hear all these wonderful things from your T but question the validity/genuineness behind them...

Well, I know no one out there will care about this update as much as I do, but I'm posting it anyway just to satisfy my ego.

So a few days ago I got up the nerve to broach the subject again with my T about what kind of therapy she is doing in our sessions. Here is a close approximation of how I worded it:

"I am afraid of what I don’t know. I ask, why give me reasons to doubt by withholding information? The truth must be bad, or you would not hesitate to say it. Just tell me so I won’t have to imagine the worst. Please tell me you aren’t totally winging this. Tell me what you are thinking. Isn’t that what you want me to do for you? If T’s can go to therapy and have it work for them, despite their knowledge of the subject matter, then why can’t it also work for me? Do you doubt my intellect - my ability to keep up? I’ve been reading up on all kind of things anyway. You could at least help me by pointing out where to place my focus."

The frustrating thing is she still didn't really come out and say, but she gave me enough clues that I think I have it figured out. She talked about being GENUINE, about having UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD for me, and that she thought I would LEAD MYSELF out of this - but that she also knew how to guide me if I needed a little direction. She also said not long ago that it is up to me how often and for how long I see her. All of these things seem a lot like what I have read about Client-Centered/Rogerian Therapy. What is so secretive about that?

I don't know but she must have something on her mind. Maybe she thinks that if you will intelectually get your head around it, you will shut down/disregard it emotionally and that will be it. Who knows. Maybe if you keep botherig her..
Or maybe she wants you to have a fight with her?
There must be something therapeutic about it.
My T wouldn't hug me anymore, despite that he did twice before, and now for some reason he won't.

Hi MH,

Thank you for updating us on this. My response is kind of rambling and could just as easily go in the "Mad Chatter" thread (I love it, by the way and will probably find my way there soon enough).

I've wondered all the same things you voiced to your T, especially this:

quote:

Originally posted by Mad Hatter:
If T’s can go to therapy and have it work for them, despite their knowledge of the subject matter, then why can’t it also work for me?

Rereading this thread reminded me of something my former T said once, when I was struggling to tell him about the more embarrassing details of my feelings toward him. He said "You're not including me."

AG's description of Buber's "I-Thou" mindset, and that examining it destroys it, makes me wonder if I was messing up the relationship by examining it too closely and holding my "cards" too tightly to my chest for fear of getting hurt.

Sometimes I think he was doing the same thing with his therapy techniques. The few times I told him I thought I saw what he was doing, he became defensive and denied it. I didn't believe that, I just thought it meant I couldn't "ask". So I did my best to play along. But in his own way, he wasn't "including" me, either.

He also said once that my talking about my feelings about him required a lot of trust on "both" our sides. I've always wondered what that meant from his side and wish I would have asked. Why did he feel he couldn't trust me? And what did I have to do to earn his trust? And why did he assume I should trust him so quickly, and why didn't he ask me what he needed to do to earn my trust?

There were so many times I just agreed with what he said without questioning it, when really I had lots of questions but didn't want to give up being "good".

TN said it all comes down to the quality of the therapeutic relationship itself. I don't think we trusted each other enough.

Once when we were talking about identifying personality disorders (I had asked if I traits of borderline), he brought out an example he had found that used the characters in the Wizard of Oz. For example, Dorothy was classified as histrionic, the Wicked Witch was classified as borderline psychotic, etc.

In terms of his reluctance to talk about his technique I see him now as the Wizard himself..."Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain." And similarly, he's not a "bad man"...just a bad "wizard".

I wish he had been more real with me. I wanted to be real with him. But the more I tried the more he seemed to freak out and push me away. Which is exactly what I was afraid of.

That's all my rambling for now.

SG

quote:

Originally posted by Amazon:
I don't know but she must have something on her mind. Maybe she thinks that if you will intelectually get your head around it, you will shut down/disregard it emotionally and that will be it. Who knows. Maybe if you keep botherig her..
Or maybe she wants you to have a fight with her?
There must be something therapeutic about it.
My T wouldn't hug me anymore, despite that he did twice before, and now for some reason he won't.

Yeah, maybe she does want me to pick a fight. Although if I told her that's what I suspect, she would probably say I am filtering things wrong again. Right now in the safety of my own room I can imagine myself telling her off, but those feelings lose steam when I have to face her inside her office/territory. She's still such a nice person - how can I lose my temper with her?

I can't believe your T would do that to you with the hugging. Have you asked outright for a hug and been denied? Have you discussed the hugging issue with him? Or is it a thing where he hugged you twice and you then assumed it would be a regular thing from then on?

My T hugs me sometimes, and sometimes not. I never ask her to, so it is always at her discretion. I have mixed feelings about it. I like the caring and support that can be communicated by touch, but I also don't want to expect it or be too moved by it because of what happened to you -- then it might be taken away. Also sometimes when I am hating myself then I don't want her to touch me because I feel like I am poison. And yet it is reassuring to know she isn't repulsed by touching me.

quote:

Originally posted by strummergirl:
AG's description of Buber's "I-Thou" mindset, and that examining it destroys it, makes me wonder if I was messing up the relationship by examining it too closely and holding my "cards" too tightly to my chest for fear of getting hurt.

I suppose I am a bit obsessed with trying to figure myself out before my T does. Ridiculous, I know, but I can't seem to help constantly analyzing and second-guessing everything. Maybe that is harmful, but I don't know how to stop doing it.

quote:

Originally posted by strummergirl:
TN said it all comes down to the quality of the therapeutic relationship itself. I don't think we trusted each other enough.

SG, I can't imagine why it would be difficult for a T to trust you or what he could possibly fear, but I do think it would be a definite prerequisite to accomplishing anything meaningful. Aren't clients supposed to be able to take it for granted that their T's have faith in them? Aren't we the ones who are most vulnerable in the relationship, not them?

quote:

Originally posted by strummergirl:
Once when we were talking about identifying personality disorders (I had asked if I traits of borderline), he brought out an example he had found that used the characters in the Wizard of Oz. For example, Dorothy was classified as histrionic, the Wicked Witch was classified as borderline psychotic, etc.

In terms of his reluctance to talk about his technique I see him now as the Wizard himself..."Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain." And similarly, he's not a "bad man"...just a bad "wizard".

I have been too afraid to directly ask my T to spell out all the diagnoses for which I might meet the criteria. But I don't think she would tell me anyway if she won't even tell me what kind of therapy I'm getting. But I had to laugh to myself when I read the part about the Wizard of Oz characters because a few sessions ago I told my T I imagined myself as the Wicked Witch of the West, and that she was dousing me with water with me crying out, "I'm melting! Melting!" And that she would have to mop up the mess of what was left of my disintegrated self.

quote:

AG's description of Buber's "I-Thou" mindset, and that examining it destroys it, makes me wonder if I was messing up the relationship by examining it too closely and holding my "cards" too tightly to my chest for fear of getting hurt.

Hi All, sorry to still be MIA, I'm still having a lot of health problems and my energy level has pretty much been "puddle on the ground" level. I just wanted to pop in and comment on this really quickly SG. The quote about Buber, that examining the relationship destroys it doesn't have to do with a cognitive understanding of therapy or the theraputic relationship. The point is that is we are in the "now" experiencing actually relationship with the other, we can not at the same time be conscious of the relationship because as soon as we try to observe it objectively, we step out of it.

So my take is that understanding therapy and how it works can be immensely helpful for someone who can understand it. My T has made it very clear to me that my ability to both seek out and understand the process has been a strong asset in my healing. But here's the thing. Healing is NOT accomplished by your cognitive processes... it is healed in the emotional space created by "being" in the I/thou relationship with someone. But understanding the process and what's going on can be helpful to allow you to go to and tolerate experiencing the emotional side that actually allows you to heal.

The theraputic relationship is ambiguous enough, with enough of a power differential, without piling on some kind of "hidden knowledge that only the therapist can know" mystique to it. My therapist has told me on a number of occassions that he would have found me threatening earlier in his career, especially when I was reading the same books he was. But he has grown enough as a therapist now to know that his knowledge is useful in guiding a patient but ultimately it is his being with them, his presence and acceptance and understanding, of staying through whatever happens, that actuallly accomplishes the healing. That he becomes a conduit for something greater than himself which flows through the space created by the I/thou relationship. I hope this helps; its extremely difficult to articulate. I get this on a gut level because I've experienced it with my T but its very hard to put into words.

AG

Hi AG! I'm so sorry to hear that you're still struggling with illnesses. I've noticed that you've been gone and I've missed you. That "puddle on the ground" analogy was very vivid! I will visualize you rising up out of the puddle and will pray for your immediate relief from all health problems

Thanks for pointing out the difference between understanding how therapy works, and "being" in the I/thou relationship. For something that is hard to describe, you did very well. And I totally agree with your point that understanding how the therapy works does not bring about the healing itself. I was talking about them both at the same time so I can understand how it sounded like I was saying one would directly lead to the other.

The reason I'm wondering about this isn't because of his reluctance to discuss techniques. It's because of what he said about how I wasn't "including" him, and about how we had to "trust" each other. That's what made me think of your reference to the I/thou relationship.

Since you have experienced the I/thou relationship, can I ask you a question? Would it be correct to say that his fear of revealing his techniques, and my fear of telling him how I was feeling, were symptoms that the I/thou relationship was not there? Or maybe that the fear kept us from having that kind of connection?

I was kind of visualizing the I/thou relationship like a pool that we both have to be in. But with him, it was like every time one of us got in, the other one jumped out. The fears are what caused us to keep jumping out. And regardless of what the fears were specifically, it was fear in general that made us keep jumping out, and it was the jumping out itself that prevented the healing.

I realize this kind of endless analyzing is probably pointless, but it's the way my brain likes to entertain itself, I guess. Or torture itself, maybe I haven't experienced the I/thou relationship like you have so there's only so far I can go with the theorizing. But if I really was not "including" him then I don't want to make the same mistake with my current T. Sometimes I feel like I'm keeping her out, too. But she doesn't seem to be afraid of me, she seems good at just "being" there and so if I just keep taking her lead maybe we will be all right.

Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience with the I/thou relationship

SG

quote:

I have been too afraid to directly ask my T to spell out all the diagnoses for which I might meet the criteria. But I don't think she would tell me anyway if she won't even tell me what kind of therapy I'm getting.

I just got a book recently about psychotherapy, the author is a psychotherapist and one of the chapters is called: "Avoid diagnosis (except for insurance companies)". I don't think your T would have a diagnosis for you. I suppose you know yourself what problems you have and what issues you have with the past. This guy claims diagnosis in therapy process can be counterproductive and limiting, since the whole process is about unfolding and something like that. Sorry, I can't put exactly what he means, but in general there is not much use of diagnosis in therapy. That's how I understand it.

Also the question of hugs in my therapy is still open. There is not defnite "no". We just need to discuss it, I mean we need to discuss the meaning of a hug for me, but I wasn't able to do it yet. There was no regular hugs, that just stopped. We'll see how it goes. I think, since your T is female it's perhaps more straightforward issue, and she hugs you when she feels you need that kind of support. I don't think you need to worry that it may be taken away. I don't feel it was taken away from me. I think it's still there, I know I wasn't able to accept it. I know there is somethig to talk about first, and it's all because of his concern about me.

Just wanted to comment on the relationship dynamic in my own therapy. We hit a rough patch for awhile where we were doing this crazy dance of moving closer/moving away and I finally confronted my T about it because it was not just me moving around it was him too. It seemed that just when I would start to really get comfortable with him and move closer he would get scared and move back or push me away somehow which then would freak me out and I would want to run away from HIM and/or disappear from therapy. We would discuss things and make repairs and then it would start all over again. I actually told him (via a phone conversation) that he needs to look at himself because I am getting the feeling that he cannot tolerate the closeness and he agreed that he needed to do "some soul-searching".

I think that the fact he was willing to look at this in himself speaks to the commitment he has to me and to our therapeutic relationship. Things have gotten better recently and I have tested him a few times by moving closer....he is now holding still. No moving away and no defensiveness. It has made an amazing difference in the work we are now doing.

TN

TN - Right now I am trying to get brave enough to move closer to my T. She seems to be encouraging of this, but I would freak if she moved away as soon as I moved closer. I am so glad for you that you not only confronted your T, but that you recognized it wasn't you that was the problem. I think some of us blame ourselves for our T's shortcomings by saying to ourselves that since they are the expert then surely it must be ourselves where the problem lies. Perhaps this is often true, but not always. Mostly I am glad that your T listened non-defensively enough that he could take your criticism and now "hold still" for you.

Amazon - I know you wrote that maybe having a diagnosis is not in our best interests, but I'm not exactly operating rationally right now. About halfway thru my session today I found the nerve to ask my T to tell me all the diagnoses for which I meet the criteria. I thought for sure she would evade a direct answer (and I told her that), but she surprised me by being honest. After what she told me, I am perhaps crazier than I thought (although much of it I suspected anyway and just needed confirmation). At the moment I feel strangely comforted that she was willing to admit the diagnoses to me. It is like the elephant in the room has finally been acknowledged. Maybe now I can finally say to myself, "Yes, it is OK that I am in therapy right now because I DO have some issues, and my T sees those issues and still believes she can help me with them." I also bugged her more about the therapy techniques she is using. She admitted she values some of Rogerian theory but that she is eclectic and uses a bit of everything. That part still sounds evasive to me, but she said why do I have to know everything and why do we keep dancing around this trust issue? I think I can let the rest go for now. She gave me enough today to chew on for awhile.