Jillann,

You wrote that out so well!!

I can only imagine the stress you are under. I just started with my T as well (about 3 months ago) and I was in the middle of a crisis too. You get so you want to say to them "I am not always like this"

So let's think about this for a moment. You are truly anxious right? I mean more so than you normally are? I was wondering if you could call her and say what you said here. Could you say to her something like "I am so anxious that I am afraid to deal with this on my own until Friday. I want to see you again before then but my concern is that you may agree to it even though you'd rather wait until Friday. I don't want to push your limits and I feel I need the support right now"

I know what you mean about the phone and not being able to see what they are doing etc.

Hi!

Maybe even just talking to her about the anxiety could help you make a choice? Like saying you feel she may be weaning you off two a week? When I have asked for an extra session, or wanted one... I've talked to my T sorta like that and she's so reassuring - I hope yours would be too. It's really up to what you need, ya know? But then too, it may be helpful for a session this week (if you want one) to talk about the anxiety of calling since it's new... ??

I dunno, but definitely it's T-talk material! At first I thought talking to her on the phone may be helpful but if you're not really re-assured that way (an assumption on my part because you said you can't see her non-verbals).

Oooh. Could you ask to check in with your T once or twice this week if you go the 1 session route? When I can't get an extra session sometimes my T and I will do a quick check in... seems to help me...sometimes. heheh

((Jillann))

Hi Jillann,
I can very much relate to what you are saying - my T is VERY keen I learn to ask for what I need.
I see my T twice a week, have also seen her once a week and alternately seen her twice then once a week... When she first asked me what I wanted, I decided that she thought I saw her too often, that it was going on for too long, that I was being a nuisance but I have since learned that she genuinely doesn't think any of those things. She just wants to help me work out what I need and ask for it. As I'm now into my 4th year of therapy with her, I think I've finally worked that out.
I did ask her if she would be honest with me about whether she felt it was "therapeutically appropriate" to see her that frequently and she promised me she would. I just have to take her at her word and (and this is the hard bit) let her in on the arguments that happen in my head.
I found talking about our relationship and the mechanics of it the most difficult but the most powerful aspects of therapy so far...

I hope you can find a way to discuss it.

Hi Jillian,

Welcome to the forum. I am glad you felt courageous enough to post your question even though you were unsure of yourself. You did good. I so understand your fears and am glad you have a T to help you walk through them. I, too, had fears of asking for anything for myself and tried to make my needs fit the therapist. This only left me frustrated. This is an ongoing struggle but not nearly as hard as it used to be!

I also discovered a lot of distrust and second-guessing when I first started therapy and didn't know those fears were fodder for discussion. I tried to manage them on my won. It was as if they were getting in the way of the real work I wanted to do. I didn't realize how I was feeling with my T and the relationship we were building was most the most important issue on the table. Are you feeling insecure or do you just not trust that your therapist is telling you the truth, e.g. "She says this is me practicing asking for what I want." I think it is great that she is explaining to you her honest reasoning for asking you to confirm each week and not making you have to figure it out.

I have never had a T willing to process my feelings over the phone so it makes sense to me to confirm the second session via text or phone call but wait until your in session to talk about all the anxiety this is causing for you.


deeplyrooted

Oh Thank you all for responding. I still have not called. I am so nervous about this it is rediculous. I am a professional with a career and a mother of 3 and I'm scared to place a phone call!

Turtle you are so right - I do want to say I am not always like this!

Catalyst, I probably should bring this up in session but I'm afraid I will be a chicken. I not sure what I am so afraid of.

Iris - "When she first asked me what I wanted, I decided that she thought I saw her too often, that it was going on for too long, that I was being a nuisance" This is it exactly. I am afraid I'm being a nuisance. I hope I can be brave enough to one day talk about the relationship. Ugg

DR - Thank you for your comments. I really have to get brave enough to speak about this irrational fear to her. I just know that I have to be able to see her to speak of it. I won't believe what she says to me if I can't see her eyes and body language as she is saying it.

I will try to place the call in the next hour or so. Thanks for all the reassurance that I'm not alone in this.

Jillann

quote:

Oh Thank you all for responding. I still have not called. I am so nervous about this it is rediculous. I am a professional with a career and a mother of 3 and I'm scared to place a phone call!

I TOTALLY get this feeling. You are on a path of self-discovery! You are right, you are not alone in this!

Go for it and then let us know how it goes.

DR

Well after all my angst it was a big nothing. I called got her answering machine and rambled on for a minute or so. I mentioned that I am very nervous about my appointment on Friday with my gp. (T has strongly suggested that I need to let gp know about the purging I'm doing) then I said I will see her Friday afternoon. It would be nice if she would call back but I don't think she will. I hope I can be brave enough to talk with her about this Friday.

Jillian

I think calling and leaving a message WAS brave. You are taking risks and reaching out.
I hope you get some of what you need.