My anger thru the yrs has gotten worse & when I allow myself to let go it turns into rage. Sometimes a blind rage & don't remember stuff, things get broken & words are said I don't recall saying. To stop them I'd usually just let it exhaust myself, but in a controlled setting like a hospital it means drugs are issued...then zombie land.
I've let my rage out a couple of times while I've been here & it's led to physical problems, damage & isolation. I now have a reputation about going off the deep end.
Today I received some extremely bad news & I noticed my name on the nursing staff wall was already changed to isolation setting; they were expecting the worst I guess. After a meeting I was led there & didn't throw a fit or temper tantrum. I couldn't. I didn't have the energy. So I'm out of there right now but on 5 min watches making sure that I don't get worked up. If I do I know where I'm going.
I can usually feel when it's coming. It's like starting a fire. There's a spark & then the wind blows on it & it catches flames licking the air for oxygen. My rage starts like that. Something small can escalate so quickly & when it catches...well I'd stand back bec it doesn't come back down.
Tonite my anger has surfaced but not been an issue. I know I've been living on 4-6 hrs of sleep & that makes me cranky. I do take a good supply of nite meds. I can foresee tonight going south if my meds don't work & I get grouchy. I've talked to the med nurse & their trying to order something stronger for me. I really don't want anymore problems; I've alreadyade a mess of things & having a meltdown would be the icing on the "bad day" cake.
So does anyone else have issues w/ anger or rage? How do you handle it? I do a lot of grounding & different techniques to calm myself but sometimes I feel like the anger is growing to big for me & I let go. What happens when you get angry & how do you control it?
See just posting this is making me irritated.
Thanks for your help.