I think you did the right thing by addressing it with the person who wrote it. Sometimes we are overly sensitive about things but its still get to talk about it and get a better understanding of what the person meant. And other times we are not overly sensitive but are completely justified in our reaction and it can be helpful to let the other person know how they were offensive. Most of the time, people are unaware that they are being hurtful/offensive in any way. You may be doing them a service by providing them with your feedback.

Jane,
You're not being a jerk at all. You did not jump to judgement and insist this person was being horrible and insensitive and malicious. You recognized that they had good intentions and were more than likely unaware of the fact that what they said would have affected you. You are also open to the fact that you might have overreacted. A jerk would have just opened fire in open forum and started a flame war.

On the other hand, you recognize that what was said is intefering with you being comfortable being here, so for that reason alone, I think it needed to be addressed. I think going to that person in private is exactly how you handle it. I know that I would want to know if something I said had hurt someone here, especially to the point of making it uncomfortable to be on the forum. I would want a chance to clear up a misunderstanding if there was one (especially since communicating only in print is really subject to misinterpretation) or apologize and try to put things right if I did something wrong.

I think it is clear that the people posting here really do care and are very supportive. On the other hand we're discussing very sensitive topics and most, if not all, of us have our own trigger topics. This is a good place for us to learn how to heal disruptions with other people that can understand how disruptive disruptions can feel.

You're being way too hard on yourself Jane. You are entitled to your feelings and to expressing them as long as its done in a respectful manner, which it is obvious you've done.

AG

janedoe. i am so sorry for your painful feelings. but, my....you handled this with textbook perfection, in my opinion. you addressed your feelings openly, you redeemed the person for the probably unintentional nature of the offense. you approached this person privately to not only maintain their privacy, but, and this is KEY, to support you OWN self respect in standing up for yourself, and handling this with grace.

feelings are not wrong, just coz they hurt. something i need to injest.

fwiw, this same thing happen to me, a negative feeling comment about people with bpd.

oh. i just reeled. i felt so injured, and the person did not mean it towards me, or anything. but, i hurt. i deleted several recent posts. i finally posted something on-line without mentioning the exact post, but about how hurt i was...BUT, i did not address the person privately. i was too chicken. too afrain of conflict and hurting the person's feelings by my hurt and anger. afraid i could not contain it, if i tapped into it with that person.

so, i am glad to see your example..sorry for you pain, but now, see that THIS is how a pro handles these things.

so, you taught me something here. thanks jane, and know, you are a worthy member of this board, and i am so glad you were able to be strong and face you hurt.

much admiration!! jill

JD,
I think you did the right thing about PM the person about how you felt. You are not a jerk at all. I admire your courage to openly express how you feel. In todays world with people using email/text to primarly coomunicate it's difficult to interpret what others really mean when they write something. We don't see the other persons facial expression or body language, we just see words. They maybe kidding about something or being sarcastic and we will never know. I hope in your case that is what happened because I don't think anybody on the forum would intentionally hurt others. You should be proud of yourself for addressing the issue.
IMO I think this is a good opportunity for others to really think about what they write and how it may sound to others. Hopefully it won't happen again but if it does the person should handle it just like you did. The right way. Take care

PG

I just want to reiterate again that I think you handled it the right way...the mature way. I'm proud of how you handled it! I think it is much better to address someone in private and provide them with an opportunity to clear things up and apologize rather than drag them through the mud in a public arena and make passive aggressive references to them in future posts.

hi janedoe,

just want to say that I appreciate your honesty and don't think you're a jerk at all. i think it's inevitable that anyone of us may inadvertantly hurt someone. (I'm throwing out my apologies if I've done so!) Everyone in this world has a different level of awareness of themselves and of the people around them. They may or may not know about someone's particular sensitivity. My own FOO was totally insensitive and that's how I learned to be. I'm just learning now at the old age of 47 how to be sensitive to other people's feelings, I'm embarrassed to admit. But it is such a gift to learn this skill. I feel so lucky. Whenn we are sensitive to one another, relationships deepen.

(((((HUGS)))))

Liese

Hey everyone

wow, thanks for the feedback and helping me process through this tough topic a bit about how to handle things like this in general.

(btw, although this thread is not about the specific thing that came up, I do want to say the person did respond extremely graciously. I actually found their explanation really helpful, and they really were kind and understanding about mine. It was really good for my heart.)


LadyGrey ~ you have a way of putting things so succinctly. Thank you so much for your reassurance and encouragement. You are right – we all can be oversensitive, and other’s can be unaware – myself much included! Passive aggressively firing arrows at someone is just not ok. It’s hard to talk directly about something with someone, it’s hard to work through stuff like this – yet not dealing with something that affects us and hurts, directly robs ourselves and others of being able to resolve it and learn from it. It’s so hard to do… I think sometimes it’s just too hard… but I always hope that if/when I say something that someone is hurt by, they would tell me, when they can… even if I don’t agree, it still helps me a lot. It helps me to be aware and know and understand better. I hope people would tell me.


AG ~ You make a great point about sending it privately. It does make a lot of sense that this was a good kind of situation to send a private message in. Honestly, I did it privately for purely selfish reasons. I figured if I was being a total fool and hurtful, at least I wouldn't hurt so many people... But, it really does help protect both of us and keep a small thing, a small thing – or at least smaller than it might be otherwise.

It was a small thing, and not even a comment that was directed at me, but my feelings were huge, and something that was going to affect me one way or the other… It hit an old sore spot, and is something that comes up in life offline for me too and when I react, by shutting down or just try to defend or fix it, I miss out on understanding the other person better. A big part of me even saying anything, was to try out something different. To “practice” (with probably much trial and error) handling stuff like this better than I have in the past… I just wanted another option, and not give in to my old patterns.

I do still feel bad, but much less so ‘cause of what you all wrote here. After I sent the message, I wanted to, take back or fine tune every word – but it would likely just end up an even nuttier PM than it was (Thankfully, the person was very gracious about it – and that helped a lot too.) In the end, even if they hadn’t responded, I’m still glad I tried…

quote:

I think it is clear that the people posting here really do care and are very supportive. On the other hand we're discussing very sensitive topics and most, if not all, of us have our own trigger topics. This is a good place for us to learn how to heal disruptions with other people that can understand how disruptive disruptions can feel.

I’m generally actually really amazed by the considerable amount of respect everyone has for each other, especially for a forum with so many tough subjects, hurting people, and where we can’t see each other, face to face. Think the fact that we all have stuff is something that helps. We know what it is to hurt. In the end, we are a community of a lot of very different people from all kinds of walks of life, cultures, and backgrounds. Our “stuff” and our general not-always-perfect-humanity means we all are gonna bump into each other at times... I really don’t know how to handle that so well. But I want to keep trying.


DF ~ thanks for the great feedback!

quote:

#1: They have the right to say the things they want to about me (they do, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt) #2: I'm being oversensitive and #3 I'm victimizing them for having their opinion by being hurt when should accept it as an opinion and keep my feelings out of it. Basically, I'm actually not entitled to be hurt in this case, unlike other issues like mental or physical illness, etc. No such thing as 'sorry for hurting your feelings' most of the time cuz they are just as passionate about my sexuality as I am.

I can see parallels to other topics easily. (Does response #3 drive you nuts? I can think of another kind of situation where I have seen and experienced that happening… It’s twisted and crazymaking!) I’m sorry you have to deal with all of that… Yeah, you are right, people are entitled to their opinion, but it some people take way too much liberty in that one area, liberties to be hurtful in a way that they wouldn’t about other things they disagree with. They forget possible to disagree without shooting quite so many arrows at someone! I have been with a friend of mine who deals with the same thing about her sexual orientation and have been astonished by what some people say so freely to her or around her without any or regard for how it might feel to her! (or me. I hate it when people hurt my friends…) I’m glad when people say what they think, because then I know, but it still is hard when it hurts and they are crass about it. The few times I’ve dared to ask someone to help me understand their perspective behind a comment about orientation, people haven’t… even when they are willing about other stuff… it feels dehumanizing… it then reduced to labels and even my own sense of our humanity gets lost… (I’m just kind of rambling at this point, but all that is to say that yeah, there are some parallels.)

----
In general, when people can sometimes say stuff that hurts, and I’ve dared to ask about it, when people explain their perspective - and usually, even though their perspective and opinion is the same - it hurts less when they let me know what they mean and intend and how they came to that perspective… It seems much less personal, and easier for me to sort out what is my stuff and what is their stuff.
Then to take it to another level and tell someone I am hurt, it’s really hard for me to handle well. All growing up, I was told I was wrong to have any hurt. So I tend to feel like if I don’t retreat, I’ll fire arrows at someone. It’s all kind of “fight or flight”-ish for me.
----


Jill ~ you are so kind.

quote:

feelings are not wrong, just coz they hurt. something i need to injest.

This reminded me of something my T has told me. I tend to think all my feelings are wrong, and not only are my feelings wrong, but something to be ignored and/or fixed… rather than accepted, experienced, and moved through… which is different than even judging them as right or wrong - which is terribly hard for me!
I noticed when you deleted some of your posts – ‘cause there was one I had really related with and had wanted to respond to. You had very courageously wrote about something I had been thinking about. I understand the urge to delete them.

For me, when I first felt hurt, I wanted to delete some of my posts too. I’m not actually sure what the reason was for me. I think in the midst of my hurt, I just suddenly felt vulnerable… I even pulled up a post to delete, and only stopped when the screen asked if I was sure I wanted to delete it. I realized I didn’t know why I wanted to delete them – other than because of hurt about a comment that wasn’t even related or connected or directed at me…. And I thought about if someone else had written what I did and was feeling the same hurt, well, it doesn’t change the validity of what they posted… Then, to be honest, I had some sort of passive aggressive impulse to delete them anyhow… which was thankfully very fleeting.

It makes a ton of sense to be to want to pull back and not be so… exposed (?)… in the midst of feeling hurt. I think if anyone feels like they need to do that to manage, that is totally ok. I do also hope that maybe you would feel more brave again as time goes on…

BPD is a subject that has some much undeserved stigma with it – and much misunderstood stigma and feelings - and the need for sensitivity about it… can be easily overlooked… because sometimes, people just don’t know and are not aware or don’t have all the info… I totally understand about feeling that you couldn’t contain it if you tapped into the hurt you feel about it. That is totally how I felt. It took a little while for me to get to a place to respond at all, and my response was still over the top. Yet, I’m still glad I did try – and also glad I waited until I was a little more ready and a little less hurting too.

Can I propose an idea? Maybe it’s not so much “conflict” to tell someone what they said affected you, or how you felt about it, but a chance to potentially share understanding. You might better understand what they meant, and they could gain a lot too. In a way that could help other people too... and maybe… if/when you would be ready, to try to bring it up with them…? Yeah, I know, it might take time to get there, but even then, people here are pretty understanding and there could be a lot to gain for you both. Even if you don’t, I’m so glad you did post something about feeling so hurt. Just that alone is a good step – and one I myself don’t even often do.

Thanks for your encouragement for me. Trust me, I am not an example by any means! The only thing that actually slowed me down from acting on a lot of worse options than what I did do, is the fact that I have a bad track record when it comes to stuff like this in life and it’s something I really want to learn to handle better. I tend to say too much or nothing at all.

I have a friend who told me once that she feels hurt whenever anyone brings up a particular subject that is benign to most people. I care a lot about her, and when she told myself and another friend she felt bad when we talked of that particular subject, I felt awful. I had never meant to hurt her. I simply had no idea. She was really clear that it was her stuff, not our fault. She explained it brought up past things where she had been really scared. She said she knew we didn’t mean anything scary, it was just how it affected her and how she took it 0 stuff she was working on, but was still really hard for her. We explained where we came from, and it she said it was helpful to hear and be reminded of. She had initially said she felt bad, like it was “a small thing” and the topic was, but our friendship wasn’t a small thing. That’s why it was so important… It didn’t take much to talk about it – yet in the end, we were a bit closer. I felt really glad in the end. I felt like I knew how to be a better friend to her, and like she cared about me too. I don’t really know how it so easily that worked out that way… But she set an amazing example for me.

It’s an example I am not following well, but trying.


PG ~ oh you are so right. So much tone and context and intention can be lost when we communicate all in writing. It does make it all the more important to talk about this stuff when it comes up and ask what people mean if what they say comes across in a way that hurts. I really am glad I did bring this up. It did help me understand and was a super good reminder to me about that. We will all write stuff at times that might hit someone in ways we don’t intend… and there’s no way to prevent all of that… just hope that people do bring it up when it hurts. It helps me to be more sensitive and aware of things I might not have thought of or been aware of, and I hope it would help others too to understand what was really meant, which isn’t an intention to hurt anyone.


Liese ~ you have really said it so well. This community (and our lives offline too) are filled with people from different perspectives, cultures, experiences, backgrounds… especially here, we all have our own stuff and it’s expected that we will bump into each others stuff and accidentally step on toes – without realizing it. This is a good place to try to handle it in new ways… Everyone here is really pretty understanding and we have the shared bond of all knowing we all have our own stuff that we are working on (that’s why we are here) and no one intenting any harm to others as we work on our stuff. My own family of orgin was very critical of me having any feelings, or any hurt. Not only was what I was hurt about wrong, but just being hurt at all was wrong. Now trying to learn that hurt is hurt and something to deal with and talk through, not judge and ignore, is very hard for me and I have a lot to learn. I hope we can all keep “practicing” together. It really can help relationships to be deeper, and more authentic and healing…


thanks everyone for processing through this with me. It's tough to sort through and figure out better ways to handle things, and I'm glad I'm not alone on the journey.

~jane

Well done Jane - I very much understood your hurt (being in the same boat) and so pleased you were able to sort this out!!

Take care Jane

Jane,

YOU ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALONE ON THIS JOURNEY!!!

Liese

(((Jane)))...I know its a little late but I think you handled this with great care and I am glad that you were able to process it all.

(((Morgs))) hope you feel you can come back soon.

Butterfly

quote:

PG ~ oh you are so right. So much tone and context and intention can be lost when we communicate all in writing. It does make it all the more important to talk about this stuff when it comes up and ask what people mean if what they say comes across in a way that hurts. I really am glad I did bring this up. It did help me understand and was a super good reminder to me about that.

I agree. So much of communications is non-verbal and that is all lost in texts, emails, and posts. Even with people in our own lives who we know so well, we often misinterpret written messages, especially if they were written in a hurry or while they were multi-tasking. It's always better to give someone the benefit of the doubt and seek clarification.
I can't even being to count how many times I've been so wrong about how something was intended to come across in an email or text.

((Butterfly))
Have read your thread and am just hoping big time you can find a way that helps you to deal with your needs!!
Hugs
Morgs

((((Morgs))))) I’ve missed you so much around here and it’s so wonderful to see you posting – I hope you stay and keep posting when you feel ok enough to do so.
....

Most of all, I’ve been missing you Morgsy! and I hope you post more and take care of you in the meantime!

~jane

quote:

Originally posted by Blanket Girl:

quote:

you are a valuable member of this community and my worry is that by people not replying to you cos they dont have a clue what you are referring too,you are going to feel even more hurt and misunderstood

Yes, yes, yes!! No idea what happened, Morgs, but I'm with Draggers. You're such a valuable part of this community, and I'm so sorry you're hurting.

x3!

Come back soon.

morgsyhearty, you know how much you mean to me but I also want to say that you are an important part of the community and we hate seeing you hurting!
I think it's ok to say what bothers you.

Ok Morgs...but just let me give you a hug first ...I'm a bit late to this thread,

starfishy

I am late too, but it is good to see you posting Morgs!!

wait - before totally ending this subject, can I give you a hugs too Morgs? it's ok to be cryptic sometimes. we all are. it's a process. it's hard i imagine to sort out on all ends. most of all, you always have good things to say and you are loved here just as you are, your morgsy self is an authentically beautiful soul. so here's my hug from my pretty fried self to someone i am deeply encouraged by. (((((morgs)))))

((((Draggers)))) ((((Morgs)))

I think alot of interpretation can be put on the written form which can be taken the wrong way. I just wanted to say Draggers your post came across to me as full of care and concern and I took your meaning of the word 'cryptic' as having hidden meaning. Morgs...I know you have said this is the end of the thread for you but wanted you to know you are a valued member of the community and you are cared about and I hope that maybe at some point you will be able to share what is troubling you so people can be aware of what is going on and help.

Be gentle with youselves.

Butterfly

PLEASE!! MY DEAR PEOPLE!! and (((DRAGGERSxx))) there is no need for anyone to feel they've done anything to hurt me or gone out of their way to do so - I'VE HURT ME!!! AND OVERREACTED AND FELT LIKE THE OLDEST *GIT* WHO EVER LIVED for kicking out like a child!!!

PLEASE!!! my very dear forum FAMILY - let this go - for me!! I SERIOUSLY OVER-REACTED HERE and have to be able to let it go!!! Please no-one punch themselves up over *my over-reaction*!!
Love
Morgs

(((flutterby))) we sort of cross posted! love to you and so pleased your're talking again - you've been missed for some time!!
Thank you for your message to our beloved Draggers and also to me - i'm touched - honestly - i'm sort of a care-giver not a care-receiver and squirm when care is offerred/proferred!!! and for you to reach out when you have your own current issues is very humbling!!
Thank you ((butterfly)) sincerely
Morgs

I wad just trying to answer what i assumed was an honest question morgs asked on a thread i started and gave an honest response in a general way not specific to anyone and feel like that was really wrong and now the whole thread which was about how to handle this stuff generally was totally ended and i feel hurt and really confused because i really dont understand what happened here between everything and everyone and what was going on in the thread i started about trying to process through this stuff generally and process how to handled it and now it's been ended and i'm baffled and hurt and feel scared about posting again and crying because i feel so awful and confused about what the heck happened and had wanted to talk about other stuff about this subject for me. it's just too much for me right now to sort out what is going on and with so much unsaid i feel like i am beeing a fool without knowing it even and i am upset and i'm just not in a place to try an handle any of this in addition to the much bigger stuff in life that has happened very recently for me. i just feel very embarassed and like maybe there was a lot of talking so that others understood and i was left out and i am confused and hurting too mush and i had wanted to ask other questions about this generally but i am too freaked and upset to feel ok posting at all with this whatever is going on. i didn't knwo i waas totally being foolish and i am still so much at a loss as to what happened here. i hopw when i am in a bettr place i can re-open this thread or topic generally and not about any person or have it made about any person and feel safe to post but there is too much right now that makes me feel so nervous about postsing at all about anything. yes please do consider this thread closed for goow and i am so sorry i tried to provess though it and i feel so awful like i stpped into something and i don't even know what it was and no one would tell me and then insteaed just ended the coversation and i am so confused and just can't take so many hinted at secret stuff about my thread and topuc that i now feel totally humilated and unsafe about posting especially when so much else is going on this just hurts too much i give up. good bye for now.

Can we PLEASE clear this up before anyone else leaves?

oh no draggers - this did not contribute to me needing to take a break. something in my life happened yeseterday and i am in a very raw and not so good state. i can't really enegage here or much else. i may be going to the hospital for awhile. that is part of why i needed to say good bye - and i think it's really just a good bye for now. nothing you said contributd to that. it was something in my life offline. I don't think there is anything anyone could do here that would completely scare me away - you all are too wonderful. i just have to say... myabe not goodbye... but see you later... while i got take care of myself. part of what helps me know i'm not doing so good is my own response to all of this is not what i want it to be and is just so confused and that is not anyone'e fault. even if this thread never happened i would still need to take a break. you didn't hurt me. i just came back very raw and then got very scared about i dunno what and it is really not a sign of anything here but a sign of being in a bad state because of something that happened in my life offline yesterday. i am so frazzeled right now about what happened (offline and totally unrelated to the forum) that i am being very repetative right now in my own response. i just wanted to say you did nothing wrong and no one else did draggers. i'm just in a bad state and started to dump it all here about.... i dont know what... i hope i will see you all later soon ans come back to what this was orginially about and move on. please take care of you draggers and everyone else too and please take my words very very lightly right now. i'm just not in a great place. i partly have to say goodbye because i may be headed to hospital for a few days to keep me safe and that has nothing to do with anything here but what happened in my life offline. that's all. feburarys are hard for me. sorry this is so jumbled up and frazzled.

Jane
YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG!

You need to breathe. You brought up this topic in a very caring and respectful manner and have done nothing wrong. You are taking responsibility for things that weren't your responsibility, just because you started a thread does NOT make you responsible for all the responses posted.

Morgs,
I have been seriously debating what to do about this thread for days, and I am now regretting my decision to stay out of it. I am very sorry to put you on the spot, but I am afraid I have to at this point.

I very much believe that you are an incredibly caring, well-intentioned person and that you spoke only out of your own pain, not thinking how what you said might affect other people. And I am very sorry you're feeling so hurt (((Morgs)))). The problem is that there are a lot of people, approaching a majority of the members, who go straight to their having done something wrong. So when someone says something in an indefinite manner, so many people who have NOTHING to do with the issue immediately jump to the conclusion that they've done something wrong. And because people are so well-intentioned and fear they have done something unawares to hurt someone they care about, they retreat. They'd rather withdraw and cut themselves off from sorely needed support rather than risk hurting someone else.

Which is why if you're hurt, I believe it's best to handle it, either by PM'ing the party so no one else wonders if they're involved. Or if you are going to address it on OF, address it directly so that a firestorm and chain reaction of doubt is not set off. If it's too scary speaking to someone alone on PM, could I suggest that both parties invovled agree to a third party they both trust and use them as a mediator?

Morgs, I don't want to see you leave. No one does, whether or not you can believe that. Not believing it doesn't make it not true. And as I said, I hate to put you on the spot, but I beseech you for the sake of everyone on the forum to either directly address the problem here OR PM the concerned person and let everyone else know you did so, so all the uninvolved parties can stop blaming themselves for horribly imagined transgressions.

The truth is that people here are a good, caring group of people, but with so many people and backgrounds involved, there are bound to be bumps. But that doesn't mean we can't work through them.

I am quite open to disagreement about how I'm handling this if anyone objects.

AG

PS Morgs if you do need a mediator as I mentioned above and I would be suitable, feel free. And if I am the offending party, I would want to hear from you even more.

permafrost - think you have a good idea. althought i am not taking a break and some time away because of this thread - expect for my inability to really respond and engage like i really want to - or at all - and that is because of something traumatuc that happened offline in my life yesterday.

I would agree that anything on the forum or in forum interactions that is pulling people apart and is making people feel no ok to post or feeling hurt should very certainly be talked about. that is very good and healthy for us all to practice, especially in a place of such kindand caring people like here all working on our stuff.

i would hope that whatever i need to come back to about this thread that i will come back to when i can, i just can't right now because of offline stuff triggering me to be in an awful place too jumbled up and worn down to even see anything for what it is and just generally in a place where i need to go get some help for what happened yesterday in my life offline.

but anything outside of me, please do work out please and talk about it - it is safe to do so. and i am not leaving because of this. just felt nerous but that would not be ebough to toally leave. it just gave me a sign i need a break and i am liekly headed to hspital anyhow for a couple of days. outside of me and that - please use this thread not to just drop things that still hurt anf affect us but as a place to process through them and work them out - OR even more, at least talk about it generally what is helpful anf not helpful. that is what i wanted this thread to be about. just how we generall navigate stuff like this. i hope that makes sense.

please do stay in everyone. ill be back when i am back and hope i could come back to this if needed when that time comes - and i hope you all carry on talking about anything that needs to be talked about specifically or generally in the meantime. i'll miss you all until i can return. i am so sorry for the state i am in.

AG,

Very well said. Thank you for your response. I have no idea what has gone on and I'm guessing that posts were deleted and I've been sitting here trying to piece it all together and I'm coming up way short. I'm just sorry that there are so many hurts around right now.

(((Janedoe))) I'm so sorry that things are so rough and something has happened in your offline life to cause such upset. Please take care of yourself and get some rest. I hope that you feel better soon.

AG - we cross-posted. thank you for being so gracious to me. i'm very raw in all my responses today and very blurry in my head for reasons that have nothing to do with here, although my responses on this thread today are about this thread here, they were from a bad state - i mean what i wrote but i wrote it badly and out of being so raw from other offline stuff. i am so glad for your very gracious kind words. they brought tears to my eyes in a good way. thank you for being so kind. just wanted to say that. i am taking a break for now and i hope to see you later, and see everyone else later too. ~jane

STRMS - i will leave my posts as they were - except i only deleted something i wrote about the difference between passibe agressive and agressive because morgs asked what the difference was, and then it seems like that wasn't even relevent or what was going on, then posts started being deleted and i got insecure and jumped to conslusions in my already frazzeled state and deleted that section of the post i edited. that's all i deleted - just a section of that post. not that is is bad to do so or good to do so - but i only say so because i didn't want to leave anyone in the dark as i already felt that way myself. so i'm just owning that and filling you in so you know.

i am going to go take some time to take care of me, again not about this - my resonse here was a sign to me (amoung many other signs) that i need to get some help about what happened yesterday. i hope to see you later too. man, just really care about you all a lot. thank you for giving me so much grace and love and truth and kindness and support for me generally.

AG, thank you for joining in the conversation and for your wise words.
I do however want to say something as well.

I do not want to speak for Morgs or pretend to know better than anyone else OR take sides, just to make sure you know that. Maybe I'm totally wrong, for which I apologize in advance.

I quote AG : "not thinking how what you said might affect other people"
I don't like that part to be honest. I know you didn't mean it the way it sounds but I hate to see Morgs presented like this.
Even if she had known what avalanche she was starting, maybe it was her way of voicing something's wrong yet not being able to say more.
It may not have been the wisest way but we should accept this as much as we accept other reactions that are maybe not the best.

Again, I like to stress that I'm not taking sides. I don't know how to put this without offending anyone yet I do want to say it.

I haven't been here for long but I feel like this community is something special and I would hate to see anyone leave because of something like this.

Again, whatever reaction people have is FINE. I just don't like putting the spotlight on a certain person.

PF,
I think you're making an excellent point and I apologize for how I worded that. What I meant to express was not a criticism of Morgs, but an acknowledgement that when we are in a lot of pain, it's hard to pull away and think of the implications of what we're saying when seen from another person's viewpoint. Far from trying to point a finger, I was trying to reinforce my point that any harm done was inadvertent.

I do want you to know that I was not at all offended by what you said. Thank you for being willing to speak up about that.

AG

AG, thank you, phew! I know you meant well and I know how you meant it. And I don't imply you're pointing fingers, I know you're not.
I just know that if I were "the center of attention" and even one sentence could be misunderstood, I'd misunderstand it because I would be emotional. So I thought I'd clear that up.

I wish there was an option similar to Facebook where you could "like" people's posts. It is sometimes difficult to reply to everybody's response even if you've read them all and appreciated them all. I don't want anyone to feel unappreciated or ignored. It is unintentional. It is just difficult to personally acknowledge every post without devoting an entire day to posting. I can honestly say that there is not a single person here who I do not like or appreciate, even if I haven't always shown it.