TAS,

This subject is near and dear to my heart.I am happy to share my thoughts on it.

When I was a child, I can remember sitting in my room, crying, and talking to God. I would ask him what the purpose of my being was. I would ask him to take me home. I would literally have conversations with him. Answers would come to my head. I am not sure at the time that I really knew it was God. But I knew there was a presence there with me. A supportive one. I did not have a religious upbringing so as I grew older, and adult reasoning started to set in, I started to doubt what I rememberd about my own experience and my faith. All of the usual questions "Why would God allow children, people.....whoever, to go through such awful things?"...ect.

The best advice I recieved (actually from someone on this Forum) was that if I wanted to find my way back to that supportive presence of not being alone in my pain, I have to believe just like a child. With no reasoning. No questions, not doubt, no trying to figure it all out. Just like a child believes in Santa. When I changed my mindset (it took some time), it all came back to me. The way I used to talk with God, the feeling of a supportive presence, it has returned. And I know that I am not alone now and I was not alone then. I can literally FEEL it.

Very interesting topic...I look forward to what others have to say.

PS...Just wanted to add -

quote:

I think it is interesting that certain pieces of ourselves change so much. I would have thought with everything I had gone through during childhood, that as I child I would not have believed that there was a God due to the nature of my life.

- The intersting part about what you said is that you also said that it was during those times that you really remember feeling the presence of someone looking out for you. I believe that is b/c of the blind faith of a child. Of a mind that has no adult reasoning and doubt to shadow your belief or your feeling of a presence.

quote:

People can be present, but truly, can they walk with you and BE THERE with what you are experiencing? I am not so sure.

- "Some" people can be present. And "some" people can be there for you. But no, in my opinion, no one Human Being can walk with you and BE THERE with what you are experienceing. I believe only God can do that.

(((TAS)))

I don't have much advice, but the words that Kmay passed along were really good, about being child-like about it.

I have several parts with different orientations toward God, because of a very confused religious upbringing. My dad's side of the family was heavily JW, even though he didn't practice it, and my grandma and aunts indoctrinated me in that. My mom was not at all religious until after her breakdown, she became a Christmas/Easter/Crisis Catholic. Despite that, she lived a very...contradictory life to what those beliefs were. So, I had excessive sense of God's love being dependent on following the rules on one side and an excessive defiance of the rules on the other side. Like I said, confusing.

I believe in God and that He works all things for my good, but my faith falls way short of the one part inside who has decided she believes too, because of the childlike way she believes. I often feel alone in it, whether or not I "know" I am not. I think that childlike faith depends on accepting that that presence you sense loves and values you just as you are. She feels that sometimes, but I almost never do. I know He does about humans, but I'm not one of those, or something...

I don't think I made much sense here, sorry. :/

(((TAS)))

Been thinking about what you wrote here off and on all afternoon. I don't really feel qualified to comment, but am throwing out some thoughts anyway for what they are worth (not much).

I really liked what kmay wrote. It reminded me of a quote I like from Blaise Pascal: "It is the heart which perceives God, not the reason."

It's also funny (as in coincidental not as in haha) that I was reading a book this morning on the experience of God by Meletios Webber. In the chapter I'm on, he was doing some contrasting between the mind and heart. He pointed out that the past and future are constructs of the mind-- composites of memories and fantasies, desires and fears, but to experience anything real (like God) we have to be in the present. That made me think, you know? I live in my head a lot, but of course God could not be contained by any of my constructs, although it would be nice to catch Him that way. The mind likes control.

My faith has done some wavering since therapy too. I don't really know why. Maybe I spend too much time in my mind. Or maybe the sense of God's presence just kind of comes and goes at times and there is not a lot we can do about it, but seek and hang on when it goes dark.

So there is a Bible verse somewhere that says God is a very present help in time of trouble. I do believe that sometimes, maybe when we need it most, He makes His presence very vivid to us in a felt way, as a gift of grace. Perhaps that is what you experienced as a child. It is a beautiful thing, if so.

(Hope none of this comes across as preachy.)