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5 replies

What was the point?

D debbyeMember
My T always talks about the stuff I missed out on when I was younger and what I should have had, and he sends me pictures of animals being friends or people caring for animals, etc., to show attachment.

So he was saying something about being rescued from the dark place I was in today, asking me what mental picture could I use for being rescued. Then he tells me about this video he saw of a bear cub being chased by a cougar, that eventually the little bear tries his best to fight back, and that before the cougar gets a chance to really hurt him, the cub's mother comes running and the cougar leaves, so it has a good ending.

OKAY not ONLY does he tell me about it, but he finds the clip on YouTube and we watch it. *Trigger/may be sensitive.* I get totally wrapped up in it. The cub starts running away from the cougar. He climbs onto a branch that hangs over a river. The cougar follows him up there so he's trapped. Then the freaking branch BREAKS and the cub is swept away on top of the branch in the water. The cougar chases him along the river bank. The branch and cub float over to the river bank with the current and the cougar swats at him. The cub falls off the branch into the water. He manages to get on the river bank and tries to fight with the cougar. The cougar either bites him or swipes him with his paw but the bear cub's face is bloody. Then the mother bear comes out of nowhere and the cougar stops hurting the little cub and takes off.

It was very upsetting! Very upsetting! And I don't feel all warm and fuzzy that the mother bear came so late. And how come the camera guy didn't throw a stick or rock at the cougar? I was upset! I don't get why my T showed that to me! I told him even though I knew he said it had a good ending, there were several bad things that happened to the cub one after the other so I forgot he even said that! It was very upsetting. I suppose it was supposed to be "healing" that I got to witness a normal interaction between a mother and child? Is that what you get from this??

Anyway, the rest (majority!) of my session was spent getting me back to a safe place. What a rip.

~D.
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L lieseMember
(((DEBBYE)))

So, the cub gets beat up a bit and then Mom comes along, FINALLY, to save the day. I never had a Mom that came along to save the day either but I'm not sure how much that clip would have helped me. His approach seems novel and imaginative to me. Maybe he relates to it but if it bothers you more than it helps, why not tell him that you'd appreciate that he'd stop? I tell my T when something he's doing isn't helping.
True NorthTrue NorthCo-moderator
Hi Debbye.. I can totally relate to your experience. Sometimes T's see things in their own mind that they think will help us but it ends up backfiring. I had a situation with oldT where we had been talking about how damaged I felt and that I struggled with not being able to heal from my past.

So... one day I go to see him and he is all excited to show me these pictures he took (his hobby was photography) of this weird tree. The Tree was old with a large trunk but it was growing near to a fence and when the tree got big enough it hit up against the fence and then the trunk began growing AROUND and OVER the fence, incorporating the chain link fence into itself!!

I think it was the ugliest most grostesque and gross picture I had ever seen of a tree. It was all mangled and distorted and out of shape. I could not understand why he was so happy to show me these pictures. He said that the tree has been wounded/injured but had continued to grow and to adapt to the object that caused the damage. Huh?? Confused Confused

The message I took with me was that even though I was deformed, gross and mishapen I could continue to live but in such a grostesque way. This did nothing to help me or my self-esteem. I am still repelled by that vision of the tree growing around the fence. I had planned to re-introduce this topic with him and explore it further and maybe even attempt to look at the pictures again but... alas... he abandoned me before I could get back around to it. Maybe that was a good thing.

So I do understand how you feel and I too wondered... what the heck is the point of this? I have no real answer except that Ts are human and they also do dumb things like we do Smiler I would definitely tell him how this made you feel. I think he was trying to show you that the Mom was attached enough to her cub to find the cub despite the danger and would face down a cougar to protect her young. Mama bears are famous and feared for their fierce protectiveness towards their young.

Hugs
TN
T tasMember
I watched this clip on you tube.

"The cub in this clip is orphaned after a boulder kills his mother. The large bear at the end of this clip is an adult male that befriends the cub and helps the cub to avoid hunters."

I thought the end was very touching when the baby cub runs to the large male bear. It seemed as if the cub said, "You did that for me?"
D debbyeMember
Yeah Liese, thanks! I don’t know how showing me normal reactions is supposed to help me heal from what I didn’t get from my mother either.

TN: Thank you for sharing the story about the tree picture because I feel better knowing you get what it felt like for me. So they’re trying to be helpful showing us this stuff but it turns out making us feel worse or confused.

TAS, you are brave for looking it up! My T never told me the back story - he said it was a bear cub and its mother. I took it to be its mother too because it looked like she (he) licked the cub’s face all clean at the end.

Maybe my T thought that video would be a good mental picture of being rescued. But I couldn’t get past all the bad things that happened to the cub along the way. I mean, even if I was rescued by someone from the dark place I was in this morning, I truly think I would still be upset that X happened, and Y happened, and Z happened to me. I get stuck in that place and dwelling on it and looking back. Maybe if I had been in a different place emotionally I would’ve perceived the video’s ending differently but it upset me that the baby bear had been through so much.
B born2writeMember
(((Debbye))) I'm sorry his youtube clip didn't help you but I have to say reading it I understood what your T meant. Then I read TN's reply to you and I thought - No way! I completely understand what her T was trying to tell her and to me that story/photography is marvelous, and yet TN saw the grossness in it. I look for those kinds of trees and funnily enough I do photography and have what I would consider the most stunning photos of "damaged" things but here is the thing their uniqueness through their "damage" makes them soooo much more valuable and beautiful than any other tree. I love the overcoming of damage and being able to grow beyond restrictions, adversity, and situations that you find yourself in and have no way of escaping. The tree incorporating itself into the fence shows me a form of acceptance. It could not help where the seed fell, but it also never allowed the fence to prevent it's growth. It could have chosen to give up, but it didn't it searched for the light and it grew, and above all it made a statement that it's uniqueness and ability to fight against odds is where it's beauty comes from. Beauty comes from within. TN I think your T was trying to tell you that hope is never lost and that you are not meant to look like the other trees, because through your damage he sees your beauty and he loves it. That is how I would take that session. Accept your damage and grow higher than it, and your beauty will shine through.

quote:
I think it was the ugliest most grostesque and gross picture I had ever seen of a tree. It was all mangled and distorted and out of shape. I could not understand why he was so happy to show me these pictures. He said that the tree has been wounded/injured but had continued to grow and to adapt to the object that caused the damage. Huh??


quote:
if the tree had grown away from the chain link fence i could of maybe understood it, but incorporating it into its self is surely what were are trying to move away from isnt it??? some people have some weird ideas about things.


If any of you disagree and you might (you very well might), I hope you understand that we all see the world through different eyes and at no point in time am I trying to offend you. If that explanation makes sense to you let me know. If not, well that's also OK.

(((hugs))) to all of you.

B2W

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