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8 replies

What would you do?

ravenravenMember
I feel so defeated today. I have been fighting with myself to open up and allow vulnerability with T - going back and forth in the push and pull dance of needing her and hating her. Finally, this last month or so, I felt calmer, had more trust, and admitted to myself I like her and more importantly, I need her. 

I went to session yesterday feeling open and like I was able to share some pretty big stuff. After walking in and sitting down, she solemnly said she had something she needed to talk with me about. My heart sank. My first thought was she was dumping me. Turns out she isn't going to be taking my insurance anymore. I told her I had just walked through this door and started doing some pretty big work and didn't know what to think. I didn't want her to take me any further and asked if we could back it up and close the door. She said she loves working with me and wants to work it out for me to stay. I believe her.

I'm really in a quandary of what to do. Now I go weekly at $30 a session co-pay. Her reduced rate is $90 down from her usual $150.  Even if I could manage an extra $60 a month, I can only go twice. I don't know if I should stay with her twice a month or find someone new. It's taken 18 months to admit I need her and trust her. I can't imagine starting over - neither can I imagine maintaining for two weeks between sessions. What would you do?
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room2growroom2growCo-moderator
(((Raven)))

That is quite a quandary. I understand the time it takes to build up the trusting relationship, and know that it shouldn't be burdened by financials, though too often it is.

Is T willing to work with you at all? Like offer a shorter session at an even further reduced rate? Or would T be willing to do every other week at the $90 rate, with a brief phone call on the off week so you can touch base and connect?

Or... is there an addendum you can get insurance wise? Like a small policy that covers only mental health with an insurance that she does take? If you are currently paying $120 a month in co-pays, I wonder if you could find some sort of supplemental insurance coverage that would be around that same amount?
heldincompassionheldincompassionMember
Hmm. . . if the relationship was really going great otherwise and especially if we were at a crucial point, I think I would choose to spend the extra $60 a month (provided I had it) and go down to two sessions a month over switching to a new T.

But of course it's all a matter of personal priorities. If seeing someone every week is more important to you for the sake of containment, stability, whatever, then I would go with that. Smiler

All the best as you make this choice! I'm sure it's not an easy one and am sorry it's one you are forced to make right now.

(Btw, I'm currently on an extended "break" from my T and am going on a consult, considering switching. Surprisingly, it's starting to feel okay and like it might be the "right" thing to do, although I'm not sure yet. I do think there were points in my therapy, like a few months ago, where switching would have been very disruptive and jarring. Maybe taking a break for a couple weeks would help you sort this out? Just a random and maybe useless suggesion. Smiler)
joiejoieMember
I'm currently seeing my T roughly every other week, and it is definitely difficult at times, but given the same choice I think I would go biweekly with the same T. Especially seeing it sounds like your relationship is going well and you are getting into some really good work.
I also agree with what the others have suggested. First, see what options you may have insurance-wise. Is there any other action you can take? Supplementary insurance? I don't really know much about this so unfortunately can't offer any concrete suggestions.
If not, find out what T's policy is on between-session contact, if you don't already know. She may be willing to offer brief contact on the weeks you won't be having a session.
Finally, if you feel like you need more support, maybe you could see your current T biweekly, and then find an adjunct group or therapy for the other weeks. Perhaps there are some free or low-cost options here if that is something that interests you or that you feel may be helpful.

I'm sorry you have to make this decision. It's really tough and unfair that insurance and finances get in the way of treatment.
L lieseMember
((((RAVEN)))))

That really stinks. That's happened to me where I felt like I was just ready to admit my vulnerability to my T and he had something else on his mind.

How did the rest of the session go? Were you able to tell her what was on her mind?

I don't know what to say about whether or not to stay with her or find someone else who takes your insurance plan. That's a tough one.



Liese
ravenravenMember
I checked with my insurance and they have no out of network coverage. A couple of months ago I might have felt like, okay, I'll look for someone else. But now, I can't imagine not continuing with her. I don't have to make up my mind until June - I wish it could be as simple as just not thinking about it until then - but not the way my mind works!
E effedMember
Hi Raven,

sorry you're in this situation, it's so annoying to have pecuniary concerns get in the way of this work.

It sounds like you're pretty clear on wanting to continue with this particular T. Personally, I would definitely stick with a trusted T, and find some way of making the financial stuff work around that. You know, I never thought my T would budge on certain fee-setting issues, but I have found that she has 'gone with the flow' a few times, when I've needed it. I wonder what would happen if you continued to really open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable-- who knows, she may well see for herself the necessity of a once-a-week schedule and work with you on setting a fee that makes that possible. Keep doing your thing and see if she doesn't meet you halfway...

good luck,
effed
ravenravenMember
effed - I was back and forth with that thought yesterday....thinking I would show her gow vulnerable a can be and I need her and then getting so pissed off and just telling her I'm done! Yeah, that's the old defense kicking in - dump her before she dumps me. I even had myself convinced at one point that she's dropping my insurance to get rid of me. I know that's not true - but the subconscious inner score card I've been hanging onto tells me so. I'm going to try to go in next week and really be open and maybe even bring up how this is affecting me.

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