Okay, this is almost weird. I could have wrote this post myself. And I have said to my T and wrote in my journal almost these EXACT SAME WORDSSSS!!!!!!!

quote:

Originally posted by janedoe:
BUT EVEN THEN, the firendship doesn't have to end overnight! but with me, it does. or it has, way too many times.

So basically, my boyfriend suddenly stopped talking to me a couple weeks ago (has it been 2 weeks? Or only one? I have no clue). Everything was great (so I thought) and then all of a sudden nothing. He wouldn’t return my calls, texts, emails nothing. The thing is, this is a HUGE pattern of mine. I have no idea what I do, and they just leave. I can’t get anyone to stick around. AAAAAAAA.

quote:

But I‘m trying to believe maybe it won’t always be true. Maybe someone, some people, will stay, maybe some won't dicth me overnight.

Sounds like you have more hope than me. I really think I’m cursed. Thank God for my T, and maybe someday I’ll really believe what he says.

quote:

BUT DANG IT, I AM TIRED OF TRYING AND FALLING ON MY BUTT.

I hear ya girl!!!!!! I’m seriously trying to get out there and have friendships and date normal guys BUT ITS NOT WORKING! Same old same old.

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Even a gradual ending would be ok, but these sudden endings that repeat over and over in my life are just suffocating.

SERIOUSLY! I KNOW! For me, I would just like there to be an ending- anything would be fine as long as long as they just don’t all of a sudden VANISH. Maybe give me a little warning?

quote:

I miss my friend really bad...

I don’t have anything to say to this…. Except I miss my boyfriend. My T is trying to tell me that he really wasn’t a good person and that he lied to me and blah blah blah blahb albhalbah whatever but he’s just mad at him for leaving me and he doesn’t know what a good person he really was. So my point for saying all that was that I really want to say to you “She/he didn’t deserve your friendship.” But that’s something my T would try and say to me and it PISSES ME OFF. So I don’t have anything I can say to make you feel better

-mac

Janedoe - I do know how you are feeling. I've felt it many times and still do for the most part. I always feel that if I didn't reach out to people, friends, they would ditch me too. Sometimes I just don't feel like it's worth it either. Why do people go away? I don't know. I guess we all have our reasons. I have a friend, who is like a sister to me. (or so I thought) We were best friends for years. Her family basically "adopted" me into theirs. I became so close to them. Then it changed. I told her that I was gay and she basically was shocked. We talked for a little and then that was it. I invited her to my committment ceremony and she never even answered the invitation. When her mom got sick, I love her mom, I was visiting her in the hospital. I ran into my "friend" and we had a chat. She said ya know, this doesn't change anything, you are still my "sister, and blah blah blah. I looked at her and said, it already has changed. We don't talk much anymore. Once in a blue moon really. I miss her and the family deeply but they left me. I hate them for that. I hurt alot but then I remember that is just the way my life goes. So I too try not to get attached to anyone anymore. It hurts too much.
Anyway, I'm rambling, but I wanted you to know that I understand your hurt. What I try to do now is accept who comes into my life, when they come in, and know that they will leave at some point. This way, I can hold myself back a bit and not get too close. Maybe that's wrong, but it doesn't hurt ad much as them leaving.
I hope it gets better for you. (())

SMiley

Now this is really really weird because I could have written the same post as well. What I usually do is leave first as opposed to being left. Like it matters in my mind. The loss is still there and it hurts. Good to know I'm not alone.

PG

Maclove ~
ah, so you are the on who has been reading my journal! lol :P

oh, I am so sorry about your boyfriend.

The lack of response... it's hostile in a way. There's no way to respond, to know, to resolve, to even work through the leaving of the person better - and oh... it screws me up in trusting new people and then I act untrusting and then they are more likely to leave! (not saying this is happening with you - just a random thought I had as I typed.)

It's so hard. Because even when I don't do stuff that make people leave, they still do. Sometimes I think it's just life - and to some degree it is... but then I see they stay around others... or others seem to be able to have relationships much longer than I end up being able to... and I don't get it.

oh Maclove, I know it hurts like hell. (btw, I don't think either us are cursed! although I too sometimes feel that way. even like a leeper.)

quote:

I really want to say to you “She/he didn’t deserve your friendship.” But that’s something my T would try and say to me and it PISSES ME OFF.

yeah, I can relate. In some ways, I think well, they are just a crummy friend. so apparently all my friends are crummy? I don't think i am THAT bad at picking friends... I have had some really great people leave me life... and some really crummy people too... argh. I just want some same-ness sometimes. And people that might be around tomorrow. Or at least warn me a little before they ditch me!

So sorry you are struggling with this too.

and thank you too for sharing. Your post did help me a lot. It helped me feel a bit less alone and less like a freak... which I really needed right now. thank you.


smiley - oh my heart goes out to you about your friend. Those unspoken breakdowns in the close-ness of relationships are so painful. And losing such a good friend... I'm sorry she didn't respond well to finding out you were gay. And oh, I have been there - well, not about that particular subject, but other things people have found out about me - and when someone says everything is fine, and things haven't changed when um, everything has changed already - and painfully so. The denial of that reality is almost just as bad as the actual change and loss of close relationship and friendship.

I try to not get so attached as well. It's tough. I end up numb and just not real or attached anyhow. I think I'm trying to figure out how to attach... well, almost like to more people and places, so that when one person leaves, it's not so huge... but it still is... argh... so much for that plan...

hang in there smiley - and thanks so much for your encouraging words.


preppie girl - I try to leave, or sometimes push away people - before they leave too. oh, I am so ready to run...
yeah, you are certainly not alone in that.


Thanks again for the feedback... it does help so much to know I am not alone in this... it is an especially good reminder tonight. thank you.