Oh - I think HOPE can be extremely painful! When you don't hope you can't get hurt, or let-down. Hope is a risk!

Have you seen the film 'clockwise'? It's an old one (1980s I think) but there is a line in it that really struck me about hope. Maybe watch it sometime (it's a comedy actually, so it is funny!)

Maybe hope and want and need get all mixed up together? But, yes, I do understand what you are saying!

SB

Clockwise is British - so it's humour is rather British... might not appeal...

Yeah, for me hope seems tied to some big things. It seems to pop up sometimes during parts work. It SOUNDS like a good thing, but when little hope pops up, yikes, the realistic one gets so mad, if you know what I mean.

Just the idea of hope can sometimes bring me to my knees emotionally. Yet I would not want to not have it.

Hope is a four-letter word.

Hi Puppet -

There are lots of thoughts about hope and its dark side in this blog post by therapist Martha Crawford - it might resonate.

Pernicious hope

Wishing you well.

Yes, it was hard to read without my heart thumping and my throat getting tight, but it was good.

I don't agree with Martha Crawford. She writes,

quote:

The work of psychotherapy is often to chase down and sort through the flock of slippery and Pernicious Hopes in all their diverse and daemonic aspects. To capture one at a time, examine it, to challenge and question its true mission, to uncover exactly which god this particular Hope obeys. To exorcise it.

Yes, it's true that hope can lead us to dark places, but I think a greater truth is that at least we are moving. We are looking, seeking. We are on our journey, traveling our unique path. It won't be a perfect path, but it is ours. We may be looking in the wrong places, but most will learn that and move on. We must explore our hopes and learn what they teach us. Yes, I know as we all do, that with hope comes risk and pain and disappointment. But with hope, I am still living. Without hope, I have given up. I have started to die.

My hope for you, Puppet, is that you continue seeking - not only a therapist who meets your needs, but also some understanding of your hope (needs) that will guide you to fulfillment you never thought you could experience. You can. Keep the hope.

Hugs,
Red Tomato

thank you everyone for your responses and food for thought - and for understanding!

sapphire blue,
i'll look that film up, a comedy sounds good, and i can appreciate british humour what is the line, or do i have to watch the film to really get it? and thanks for understanding! its strange that even though it's risky like you say, i seem to get more comfort from hoping even though i know there is the risk of disappointment (but maybe that is not fully felt as i concentrate on the hope part)

quell,
i so agree, it's a four letter word!
i go from one extreme to the other as i also have a lot of internal conflict about hope. a part of me hopes and another tries to squash it, and it goes back and forth.

jones,
thanks for the link. wow, i was speachless after i read it, will need to read it again as there were a lot of new ideas for me - somewhat dark but beautifully written.

smilingpenguin,
my head hurt too reading it... thanks for the hug!

redtomato,
i always thought of hope as a good thing - i also think its the only reason i survived (mentally, there wasn't anything physical to prevent me from surviving, but without hope i would have withered and died inside). i am also very very stubborn with my hope - i guess i needed to be, it was my only 'hope' for survival. but maybe i need to adjust a bit now, and distinguish between the different types of hope...? the parts in the article about grieving really made sense to me, and i know i've probably been using hope to avoid that.
but... i dont know if i am ready to give hope up!


puppet