Hi,

My T used to tell me I was strong and it was my strength that got me through what I've been through. He also said, though, at the same time that I was fragile. I didn't like being called strong. I didn't know what to make of it. My H used to tell me I was strong when inside I didn't want to live anymore. How much can one person take before people recognize they are not as strong as they appear? For me, strong is codeword for: You don't need anything.

I understand. My T has also said it a few times and it drives me nuts. I feel like she either has not listened to me and does not know what is going on or that it is just another well-meant but rather empty sentence.

I got angry with her one time she said it and asked her how on earth she could say that I am strong when I have tons and tons of issues resulting from the past trauma/PTSD (listing them)? How would all that anxiety and those fears make me strong? I cannot even talk about this stuff that happened.

T was very sincere in her reply telling me that she did mean it by all her heart when she said that I was strong. Like that I actually choose to fight for getting better, that I go and see her despite our work being so rough. That I am alive. She had a ton of arguments supporting why she thought I was strong. And in her eyes I could see that she truly meant it. In that particular moment, I was able to see what she meant.

Mostly though, it still sounds like standard T talk. I still cannot see how I could possibly be strong. But I guess that is more of an overall problem of mine - seeing strength and good things in myself. Still have a lot of work to do on that one.

Both of my T's have told me this. I often get angry and ask them why do I have to be "strong" all the time. I am tired of being "strong". Then I will argue that I am not strong. Like JenDark... I have loads of fears and anxieties that prevent me from living my life.

What my current T tells me is that the adult part of me is smart, strong and very capable. But it's the child inside that is scared, anxious and fearful and feels weak and unsure of life. She takes control from the adult and the adult because she won't deal with child ends up freaking out and forgetting her strength.

It's a tricky thing to say to a client because it causes such complicated reactions.

TN

((HIC))

I go through the same train of thought! I've told my Ts before... what you said "strong compared to what?". My T once said something about most people going through xyz do abc at some point in their lives. So whenever my T says you're doing well, you are so strong... I say yea well if your standard for strong is I didn't abc I'm not doing so well. It does make me suspicious, too.

I like when my T spins it as... explaining why I have a strong part of my personality, she'll explain how it served me, what it protected me from, how I can leverage it to serve me now. That seems like we're actually discussing an EXISTING quality rather than her leaving it open. I think a little bit of it is T speak but... at the same time I do think there is strength in everyone and it's hard to take in if it's kinda general. I dunno... all I know is I can relate! Haven't figured it out yet.

The more I think about this, the more I see strength as a quality that everyone has to some extent, but just because everyone has it doesn't diminish the truth of saying it.

I think all of us also have parts that feel very weak or broken and not strong at all. For me, if I told someone that they were strong, it would mean I was trying to remind them that even though they can feel really weak or broken at times, that they still have strengths and strong parts of themselves.

I tend to think that most people, except maybe those who are really manic or delusional or something, usually feel less strong than they actually are. That is why I think it's not a bad thng to remind people of their strengths.

"I can feel something inside me say, 'I really don't think you're strong enough-- nooo!'"

So this thread is reminding me of a song now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbXiECmCZ94

(((Liese))) (((JenDark))) (((TN))) (((Catalyst))) (((BLT)))

Thanks all of you for the responses. It was good to read them and see how others can relate. Seems a lot of us have trouble of one sort or another with the strong concept. I think if I were a T I'd try to go a bit lighter on the cliches, lol. I wonder if they know how they sound to us sometimes?

BLT you seem to have a more balanced and less reactionary way of thinking of it than I do. I will mull on what you said and see if it makes me feel less frustrated the next time poor T tells me I'm strong.