Ugh... As I am on my way to work now... I ask myself this about.. 10 times before I get to my slave-pit. Even though I like what I do, but can't stand that I'm forced to sit in one place during my worst possible creative times to magically be creative. My brain gets defiant.,, and I end up bored all day and won't out of hours when it's right.

I am where you ate describing a lot... Just crying on the way in to work and when I get to work I'm okay and can easily be positive.

I think it's overwhelm to be honest. So drained that... really THINKING about all that a day entails of course sounds awful. I don't want to socialize, commute, be stuck there, have to be "on" my game when I don't feel well. Simple as that... If I felt as bad physically or as exhausted physically as I am mentally... I wouldn't be going to work. At some points in healing it can be the equivalent to a bad reaction to chemo, or like you can't move a limb you require to function.

It's all invisible and stigmatized so... Little accommodation and honestly... What could they do? Not speak to you until you were ready? Not lighten the load when it's just impossible to carry? Not really...

We are still good at our jobs, put on the game face and do the best we can.

What keeps me going? I live alone, it's suicide not to for me. And I just remember that even though I'm sick... I get more out of it than it takes away from me most days... And I have to know that through the tears, resistance and frustration it works as a medicine sometimes. Again like if I did have a physical illness that staying in bed would make worse... I gotta do something.

T is really supportive and reminds me how routine keeps me safe, being around humans keeps me safe (when I isolate it all gets worse) and a bunch of other crap I don't believe at the moment.

Try to get yourself time off when you need... Sometimes if I have a vacation in the distance that helps too.

Dunno if I was helpful or sorta went to sit in the river with you... Keep pushing through when you can... Forgive when you can't.

I've found that when it's really hard to get out of bed, music can be very motivating. I keep a pair of earbuds nearby for just such a thing. I also take my phone into the bathroom so I can listen to music while I shower. It's really soothing and keeps my mind occupied while I get through my morning routine so that I'm not thinking about work and how much I don't want to go.

(((R2G)))

Thanks (((cat))) and (((Affinity)))

It's been a hard week this week, and it seems that more and more the work weeks are getting that way. I actually had someone ask me today how things were going, and I just smiled and nodded, said something about being glad for Friday. She said "I know you better than that, how are things REALLY going." I replied with a "they're not great but I'm trying to keep positive."

It's SO exhausting and emotionally taxing!

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I think it's overwhelm to be honest. So drained that... really THINKING about all that a day entails of course sounds awful. I don't want to socialize, commute, be stuck there, have to be "on" my game when I don't feel well. Simple as that... If I felt as bad physically or as exhausted physically as I am mentally... I wouldn't be going to work.

You are SO on target with this. Makes a lot of sense to me.

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It's all invisible and stigmatized so... Little accommodation and honestly... What could they do? Not speak to you until you were ready? Not lighten the load when it's just impossible to carry? Not really...

I hate hate hate the invisible illnesses. It's not fair that society looks down on mental health when it's equally as important as physical health, if not more so! Really, there is nothing they can do at work to help, except be more accepting. Which they're not. They don't seem to be able to do so with so much mandated by the state and the country when it comes to teaching. It's stifling.

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And I just remember that even though I'm sick... I get more out of it than it takes away from me most days...

Interesting thought...... I will say that my students are the reason I drag myself into school, they make things a lot brighter. It's everything else, including getting out of the house (I also live alone) that is like facing the impossible every single day.

Thanks for sitting in the river and sharing your wisdom, cat, it's always helpful!

(((Affinity))) It's funny you bring up music, because I haven't turned any on in months! It might be time to bring it back into my personal life (I use music all the time at school) and see if that helps me get a little more motion into my mornings.

On the upside, the school year is almost over. On the down side, it starts all over again shortly after it ends, and it will be the same halls I'll trudge through each morning.....

When I was in grade school, every morning the radio played a John Philip Sousa march. That certainly got the circulation moving.

-RT