DF,

What was it that your T does when she gets tired in a session?

I will be able to text her but I sorta don't want to. I've been trying to cut back anyway and now I'm feeling even more abandoned so I really don't want to text. I'm upset with her because she knows how important it is to me that we have some time at the end of the session to talk about lighter stuff so that I can decompress before getting off the phone. But she was so tired and not really with it and she neglected to do that. Then all of the sudden she was like, "So this doesn't feel like a very good place to end, does it?" and I said, 'No, it doesnt". and then that was pretty much it. She said she'd be thinking of me and some generic shit and then we got of the phone.

Like I said, I know our Ts are human and the get tired too...they are late to appointments, they get distracted, etc but it just really sucks when you have a day when you REALLY needed them to be with it. I feel so let down and scared about getting through the weekend.

Thanks, DF. I guess I would like to text T, but I don't know what to say. "Thanks for the shitty session!" ??? Seirously....what should I say?

that's a great suggestion, DF! I was actually just about to text her when she texted me to make sure I am doing okay and she apologized for being so tired and said she wants me to know that eevn when she's tired, she's still "with me". It felt good to hear that. Now I'm all warm fuzzies.

Thank you for the advice and feedback! (((DF))))

REally?? What makes you think she was bored? I have a hard time believing that.

"my stone cold heart was unflattered"....you kill me, DF! lol.

I totally know what you mean about the unfocused and disconnected. Those sessions can be so disappointed and have the ability to completely undo whatever mind-blowing session you may have had earlier in the week. It makes you wish you hadn't come into therapy that day at all and had instead continued to bask in your post-therapy afterglow from your previous session. I wonder if our Ts do this deliberately...to put some distance between us when we move too close?

You know..I think you might be onto something with this T on Friday stuff. My T wasn't going to work at all today...she was taking her kid to the waterpark in the afternoon and running a few errands in the morning. So I think she went out on Thursday night and had too much to drink and was hungover this morning in our session that she rearranged her schedule for. Hard to be mad at her for being hungover when she fit me into her schedule when she hadn't been planning on working.

But...that does make me think...maybe Ts just sort of mentally check out on Fridays? I can't really say that I identify a pattern with Friday's per se, but I have noticed that when T is getting ready to go on vacation....she is worthless those last few days and sometimes the entire week before she leaves. It's like her brain is already on vacation.

I think you are probably much more like a Thanksgiving dinner than you realize,DF.

On the flipside, I feel like I completely exhaust my T rather than bore her. Its a never-ending parade of crazy shit in my life that is embarrassing. I feel like a traveling carnival with all kinds of side shows.

If T was hungover, I don't think I'd be mad because like I said, she hadn't planned on working today. I feel like she at the last minute on Thursday when we were scheduling felt like it was too long for me to go without therapy to wait until Monday, so she got caught up in the moment and went with her heart and told me she would rearrange her schedule so that she could do therapy with me before she went out of town to the waterpark. I'm sure later she was kicking herself because she had planned on starting her weekend on Thursday, had plan to go to an outdoor summer series concert, then run a few errands on Fri morning before heading to the water park. Then suddenly she had to fit me in and that sort of screwed up her long weekend. So if she was a little hungover this morning after the concert last night, I guess I understand because her heart was in the right place and really the professional thing would have been to simply make me wait until Monday. And that would have been difficult for me. Though maybe it would have been better since she wasn't really "present" in therapy today.

anyway...about what you were saying about it not being intention that they mentally check out...I agree. I don't believe my T has any clue how much she mentally checks out at times. She has seemed very surprised at how adept I am at reading her moods, energy level, etc. over the phone. In fact, just earlier this week she made a comment that was relevant to what we were discussing at the time...something about job interviews and body language. She commented on how accurately I am able to read her and how at times it has surprised her that I was able to pick up on that, especially over the phone. I guess our Ts tend to underestimate their client's abilities to read them which is a mistake because it seems to me that generally speaking, people in therapy , especially with some trauma in their background, would be very astute at picking up on other's emotions through even the most subtle of cues. Often, it is a survival mechanism we were forced to learn at an early age.

So I'm rambling...I guess my point is that it seems to me that many of us have reported our Ts being aloof and distant, spewing out cookie cutter responses before the weekend or a vacation. But I think its on a subconscious level that our Ts probably are not aware of. yet even when I point it out to T, she doesn't seem to pick up on my unspoken sentence of , "and it is impacting my therapy in a negative way". I can say, " you seem distant today." and her response is, "Really?" and maybe she will say something like she has been dealing with a lot because her cat died or some shit, but then she continues to be distant. Or like today, "you seem tired". "yeah, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night". and then the session continues to be filled with sleepy silence while my mind races with all kinds of possibilities of why she is tired and of course the one I am certain it MUST be is that she was up all night having passionate sex with her lover which makes me really resentful. I want her to tell me that she had nightmares or that a thunderstorm woke her up or that he son had the stomach flu or aliens abducted her. anything other than the possibility that she was going at it all night and was in some sort of post-sex-binge sleepy glow during my therapy today. UGH. That upsets me far more than the thought of her having a hangover.

Ok, that was a crazy rant. I should quit for the night.

quote:

I guess our Ts tend to underestimate their client's abilities to read them which is a mistake because it seems to me that generally speaking, people in therapy , especially with some trauma in their background, would be very astute at picking up on other's emotions through even the most subtle of cues. Often, it is a survival mechanism we were forced to learn at an early age.

Thanks for another handy (anonymous) quote I am going to whip out next session. This came up for me this week too. I realised that my T 'gives me nothing'. When she is therapising - she is fairly fixed and knows what she is aiming for and does a lot of talking and isn't giving me any body clues back - she is focussed on trying to help me learn something and is quite 'hard edged'. I told her via an email I didnt know what was expected of me and that she gives me no reassurance that she is going to be here for me. I am going to tell her this. IF I get the chance and the courage.

It was all mixed up anyway and I had a negative reaction to it all. Also i just realised her email replies to me are too fluffy. I don't like fluffy. She needs to use less words and make her point. Maybe I make her nervous?

This is all so EFFING pain ful and difficult.

I purposely avoid making appointments in the late afternoon, evening. a) I zone out all day before an appointment so I would get there numb and speechless b) I know my T would be tired and not in tune with me and b) I would be tired. If I think she is going to be tired, then I am too wrapped up in thinking about her and where she is at instead of helping myself.