This is really bugging me right now!

I had my session today and after a while I brought up my difficulties in looking for a job. This is a difficult and complicated area for me, and I have tried to bring it up a couple of times before, but it always died prematurely as a topic when T tried to suggest some kind of unsolicited solution before I felt like she even vaguely understood what I was dealing with. Last time I tried to broach the subject, she started talking about "reality testing" and I checked out then and there.

This time was not much different. I barely started talking about it when she started badgering me about whether I had ever had any positive experiences applying for jobs or volunteer positions. I could feel myself shutting down but I managed to tell her I felt like she was arguing with me and not listening. She said that from her perspective she was not "arguing with me" but trying to help me find a resource (I guess a positive experience to draw from.) I told her that every time she tries that strategy, it doesn't work. She said yes and she wasn't sure why. I said I wanted to know why she kept on trying it. She said that was a valid question. I said it didn't work because she was trying it prematurely. I said I didn't even feel entitled to my feelings and she was already looking for alternative ones. I didn't say but wished I had said that I really didn't feel like she even understood the complexity of the problem at all.

At that point I felt like I was falling apart but I had to compose myself because it was already past time. T was kind of trying to apologize and say reassuring things but in the frame of mind I was in they all sounded kind of patronizing. So I had to leave and cry in the car on the way home and it totally sucked!

Later this evening I called a friend and talked to her instead and she was so much more helpful than my T because she actually listened and validated about the difficulties I was having instead of jumping to try to solve them.

Seriously, I like my T a lot, but why is it so hard for her to just listen and validate sometimes?! I can solve my own problem if she would just be interested long enough for me to understand it myself and feel like I'm not a worthless human for even having the problem or not having already solved it myself.

Grr, anyway, I just needed a rant about that. Sorry I have not posted a lot lately but my life has been a little crazy...