I think I sort of guess what you are trying to say.

Me, I am not sure where I reside but I know that my body feels like it is just a case, like I am outside looking in all the time.

Is it something like that you mean?

(((POPPET)))

Where do you reside?

I reside in all of the uncomfortable places I don't like: my muffin top, my crooked tooth, my stuff nose, etc.

A very thought-provoking question, Poppet. Hard to answer though.

I am not my body. But I am in my body. As to a specific place where I feel concentrated the most, it would probably be in the back of my head where all my inner thoughts seem to live. The place in my body where I experience emotions most is my chest, neck, and jaw though. The place where I feel the most emptiness -- or the most detached from myself -- is everything below the chest, including limbs, and specifically I sometimes feel hollow inside my trunk/torso area.

Wow, a really thought provoking question.

I have absolutely no awareness where I reside. Absolutely none. I wish I knew.
Somedays

Head, definitely. If you divided the skull into three equal horizontal portions, I'm right there in the middle. Sometimes I feel a lot of pressure there, or have images of things inside trying to get out. It can be most uncomfortable. Sometimes I feel like I'm more in the space behind my forehead, but that tends to be if I am having a headache there.

Interesting question, btw.

Hrm, when I'm "in front," it feels like all the pressure of consciousness is in the middle of my forehead, I guess? When I'm in back, kind of in the back of my head or the crown or whatever, and leading down to where my spine meets my head? I probably move back and forth from those places, 'cause I don't often feel fully one or the other.

Most of my body doesn't feel like mine most of the time. I have most of my emotions in my chest and throat and maybe face? I'm not really sure. I feel very disconnected from my body most times, except to about halfway down my forearms.

Subjective questions like this are scary, because they send me into a fear of invalidation place and then I start feeling like it's all a lie. I guess, when I'm concentrating on a thought or something, I feel more "in" my head, and toward the back of it, but if I'm concentrating on the outside world, I feel more in the front, like at my forehead?

I find it triggering to experience being "in" my body, so I think not feeling like I am is probably just a protective thing.

I don't feel like I am a part of myself at all usually. I feel like I am watching from the outside. Sort of like Scars said...it's bad when I look in the mirror. I feel like It's someone else that I am looking at. Or maybe that someone else is looking at me? Yikes...I can't even think about this too much or it messes with me.

interesting question poppet
if 'i' is upfront then totally in my head would be the answer the heads there and the body or shell has come along for company thats all. its like i know there is a physical thing sat in the chair but 'i' cant feel that its a body...my dots are not joined up

other times very occasionally its like we leave the physical being and head behind and go walkabout up to the ceiling or out the room altogether and we can temporarily catch ourselves doing that but cant stop it either

as for when we switch i have no idea as we are at the early stages of learning about us, i could not tell you where one of the cps is body wise for example; or where the big one has gone to. sometimes though its like i might get a glimpse of the upfront one (big pingles) over in the corner but it is not or who or what might be sat talking in the chair with our t

as for the body and living in the body generally we definitely are not joined up so to speak - head and body are very separate (something we are working on with t at the moment to join up the dots between head and body more often than they are currently) at the moment they are two separate things each not belonging to the other for us anyway and we can't even look in a mirror to see its a body and one thing back at us

x

Interesting question, Poppet. And I remember the conversation about having things on your head. I'm not crazy about it, but I can do it.

I'd have to either say that I reside in my shoulders and arms or that I'm not in my body at all. I think I switch back and forth.

It is a great question! Upon thinking about it, I'm with somedays, I have no freaking clue. I don't pay that much attention to what I am feeling at all, unless I'm angry. I will try to pay more attention.

I try NOT to feel the feelings and to know where I am in my body because it triggers me - so it is hard for me but I am intrigued with it because I am sure that at some point in my life I did have a sense of where I 'was'.

I feel most everything in my stomach. I always have, I think. I especially feel anxiety, worry, stress, etc in my stomach. Otherwise, I stay mostly in my head. I intellectualize way too much. Even when trying to do more body based things like IFS, I have such a hard time getting out of my head. And usually when I feel parts, it's either in my stomach or chest (sadness is in my chest). I don't have a trauma background. I can stay in my body..it does not trigger me, but I'd like to not have my stomach connected so much to everything. I don't really know if therapy will help with that for me.

Hmm, very interesting discussion. I think I'm mostly in my heart area although some aspects of me are more in my head. But there's no part of my body that I feel cut off from entirely. However, I'm not a survivor of physical abuse so I guess that makes sense.

Funny, this conversation here, because I didn't bring it up to T, but partway through the session, when I was doing my usual disavowing of kids' thoughts, feelings, wants, desires, because they REALLY don't feel like mine, T coached me into really being in my body.

It was the most terrifying experience, so overwhelming. I didn't know I had that many feelings inside me. Apparently, they all live in my body, and so I avoid it like the plague. Bless him, T stuck with me the whole way, just coached me through being able to sit in that. It made me terribly destructive, but T managed to get me contained from that too after a while. Anyway, it reminded me of this conversation and how much I prefer being in my head. No wonder those CPs want hugs all the time. If I had to feel that crap with any frequency (and just sit with it without any outlet for it), I would either be on hug-support (like life support, but with hugs?) or dead, probably. I have to give it to him, though, I don't think I've ever stayed present (rather than just switching out) enough to really feel that all of the parts inside (including me) are really the same person. Knowing it and feeling it are two different things. I feel pretty sick and spent and overwhelmed though. I appreciate the togetherness of it...T said he felt "closer" to me than he ever has before...but gosh I hope he skips on this for Wednesday.

I knew I was avoidant of my body, but I didn't realize how much and the degree to which painful and overwhelming feelings would surface if I tried to be present in it...

(((Anon))) i'm glad to hear you had a good, connecting session with your T. i'm sorry it was so painful, though. i guess for us to come out the other side we need to go through that stuff so we can learn how to deal with them in the future, and not just ignore them by not being present.

that said, i think i am mostly a jumble of anxious thoughts just hovering over my physical head, and my body and the rest of me just survive underneath it. i am trying, though, to BE more present. it's a LOT of work, though. what therapy has done is make me aware of yearning and longing that has probably been a part of me for decades. when that particular feeling comes about, it is a deep heavy ache in my chest.

I reside mostly just above my right eye,never the left or in the middle. If I'm scared I go into my throat or my chest or sometimes outside of me completely.

Interesting thread pops

starfishy

a very interesting question!
i think for me its hidden deep in my chest in layers and layers of protection, so hidden that even i can't find sometimes. sometimes i can't find myself at all and i wonder where i have gone. i also sometimes feel like this is not my body, just a useless lump of bones that i have to carry around.

thank you for asking poppet and everyone for sharing.

puppet