Since my parents' unceremonious revelation that we were adopted by way of totally different means/circumstances than we were led to believe for 40+ years, we feel utterly lost and grief stricken. The fact that they spoke of something so incredibly important to me like they were discussing the effing grocery list is beyond me.

Our world has been completely turned upside down, on top of trying to work thru things in therapy. As much as I want to barrel in with both guns blazing, demanding they hand over whatever adoption paperwork they still have, I simply don't have it in me to do that. It's taking what little energy I have left just to get my bloody a** out of bed every morning and sound somewhat intelligent at the office and not this crazed mad woman I so sorely feel like.

I don't know how to describe what it feels like to all of a sudden to be told one completely different story of how you supposedly came to be when you've been led to believe something entirely different.

Where and how do I even begin to find out the truth? Yes, I've done some online searches about adoption in my country from that decade/era and then I emotionally hit a wall. I can't go any further because I can't deal with it all. My overwhelming feelings; their ignorance; et , etc, etc.. The fact my mom seems to believe everything is fine and doesn't understand where I'm coming from makes us feel even more lonely and isolated.

I'm at a total, total loss and just want to disappear without a trace. Who would notice anyway? I'm having a very hard time dealing with all this.

The Kid