Hello,

I'm having a hard time even starting this post. I'm feeling so overwhelmed with emotion right now. It's been 5 long months since I last saw the T that I developed transference for. Sometimes it feels as though every minute is a struggle. I think of my T so often, even after 5 months of not seeing her and she probably goes days, weeks, months without ever giving me a second thought. It's hard when someone means so much to me but I mean so little to her.

I have been talking to my new T about the transference. It helps but it doesn't fix anything. My current T said, "I'm sorry but there is no recipe for this". And she's right. But I do feel that she is genuinely concerned about me and she cares. I know she would never ask me to leave and that is nice.

But it doesn't make the pain of my previous T go away. My sorrow and hurt are turning to anger. And that scares me. I'm angry because my former T once told me she would never kick me out for being honest . And that's what she did. She was so supposed to care about me! She has never once called or emailed to ask how I am. That's what really hurts is that there is no concern from her. She just doesn't care.

I have friends coming to town today so I hope they can take my mind off things. I hope all of you are doing well.