I'm not sure why. I think its because I hate her sofa. It's a little low to the ground, the cushions are uncomfortable. I never feel comfortable sitting there. I think I might be more relaxed if i am in the rocking chair. also, I am wondering if I will find T less threatening if we are sitting closer. Who knows...maybe she will feel more threatening.

One time I took my shoes off and put my feet up on the coffee table. She didn't say anything about it. I felt really comfortable. It was the most comfortable I have ever felt there.

My sessions with her are 1.5 hours so I really want to get as comfortable as possible to get the most out of my session.

I wonder what T2 would do if I sit in her chair. hehe. I so want to try that.

quote:

Originally posted by permafrost:
I'm pretty sure she would let you.

I don't know. I don't think she would. She might think its some kind of power play. Her chair is a special ergonomic Herman Miller chair, I guess because she sits most of the day she needs it to be ergonomic. Not sure she would be willing to allow me to kick her out of her chair.

An ergonomic Herman Millar chair? Sounds pretty comfy to me. Try it!

I sit directly opposite from my T as well. There is another chair A LOT closer to her which is there for couple therapy. I hate that chair becaus I always worry she'll make my mum join a session (I know she would never do this without my permission). But, come to think of it... it really is closer to where she sits, so it would surely chang the dynamics. Will give this some thought

PF, I like your idea of sitting on the floor. In general, I don't like sitting on chairs as it makes me feel exposed/unable to move. At home, my favourite spot is close to the radiator... in a corner, warm, less prominent spot. I suppose I could do that in T's office as well, but I don't dare I guess.

I wonder what T2 would do if I sit on her lap.

LG,

If you sat on her lap, she would probably disappear because she is so tiny.

My t has lots of couches and choices and I always sit in the same spot. When I was trying to figure out why I was so uncomfortable with him, I thought I would try a new position to see if that helped but I didn't.

The only unpredictable thing I ever did with him was once when I felt like he was putting a lot of pressure on me about something. I bought these rootbeer barrels. Do you know them? I love them. Anyway, I pulled them out and asked T if he would like one and he said yes, so I threw him one. And, then I threw him another and then another and another. And he started to get flustered and he said, okay stop, enough. And, I said, yes, that's right. Stop, enough. He told me later that that was actually very effective. Oh, gosh, the risks I take in therapy. It's no wonder I've been there for three years.

I don't know, LG, it might be fun just to change things up and sit in the rocking chair???

quote:

Originally posted by Liese:
LG,

If you sat on her lap, she would probably disappear because she is so tiny.

My t has lots of couches and choices and I always sit in the same spot. When I was trying to figure out why I was so uncomfortable with him, I thought I would try a new position to see if that helped but I didn't.

The only unpredictable thing I ever did with him was once when I felt like he was putting a lot of pressure on me about something. I bought these rootbeer barrels. Do you know them? I love them. Anyway, I pulled them out and asked T if he would like one and he said yes, so I threw him one. And, then I threw him another and then another and another. And he started to get flustered and he said, okay stop, enough. And, I said, yes, that's right. Stop, enough. He told me later that that was actually very effective. Oh, gosh, the risks I take in therapy. It's no wonder I've been there for three years.

I don't know, LG, it might be fun just to change things up and sit in the rocking chair???

LOL, that is quite a visual picturing you throwing those rootbeer barrels at him (and yes I do know what you are referring to).

I do think T2 would disappear if I sat on her. She'd probably suffocate.

quote:

Originally posted by scaredtoriskmyself:
Typically I sit on the right hand side of the couch. I always go in and take my shoes off and then sit down. Sometimes I sit on the left side of the couch, sometimes I sit in the floor, sometimes we are up walking around a lot. It varies depending on what we are doing.

What do you mean walking around? Do you guys go on walks?

As close to the door as possible.

quote:

Originally posted by stoppers:
As close to the door as possible.

LMAO! Love it

When I first went with H a few times, I sat on the same couch with H, on the side furthest away from T. When I started going by myself, the first week we got locked out (holiday) and so we sat outside (daytime, nice weather) at an outdoor table together. That was really nice. Then, our indoor appointments, I usually sat in the chair closest to the door (like a sofa chair). Then, I consciously chose to move all the way to the side of his other couch that was closest to him when I was feeling really trusting of him. Recently, I am sitting kind of in the middle of that same couch. Tonight, I'd like to sit on the floor. If he would sit on the couch with me, I would like that (him on one side and me on the other or next to each other with a couple of feet in between), but I don't think that will happen. I think my choice of where to sit in the waiting room is usually more telling of my mental state than my choice of where to sit in his actual office. I wonder if he notices any of this. He never comments. I have made note of me coming "further in" though and he smiles about it and says it's good and I like that he is happy about me feeling trusting and comfortable with him.

quote:

strategically do not sit near people that fidget excessively,

Ooooh, don't ever sit by me then! Depending on who is out, I have some parts that fidget like crazy. I even have my own little small "blankie" that I bring to therapy so that certain parts that need to fidget can feel it during therapy.

I am totally with you on needing to keep the same space, especially in a group setting and also monitoring who I sit next to.

I always sit in the same place on the couch, adjacent to his leather chair. There is an ottoman that is leather matching his chair that sits in front of both of us. I usually monopolize it for the session. I often wonder if he is annoyed that I am the one using it since technically it is his, since it matches his chair. Probably just a little bit of my anal personality rearing its ugly head.

I always sit in the same chair. Her office has a small sofa, her chair, a small end table that holds a plant, a lamp, and a box of tissue, and then the other chair. Often, her chair is facing the sofa. When I come in and sit in the other chair, she has already moved her chair to face where I sit. I like that she does that.

I don't know what she'd say if I sat on the sofa, which right now, I don't think I could do. The chair is one of those cozy ones that I love to sink into and curl up in. I feel like I'm in a cocoon. The sofa seems too large and I think I'd be very uncomfortable with all that space.

BG,

Don't ask him. Just say, oh here look what I have, here have one and throw one at him and another. It WAS pretty funny. I liked both his reaction at the time and later when he told me that it was good. It WAS effective, I have to say that and got my point across.

Wow, what a timely discussion.

I have been thinking about asking my t if he would move his chair or if we could go for a walk during a session. I have really been struggling with him recently and I wonder if changing where he sits or going for a walk would shake things up a bit and i could regain some connection with him.

It is supposed to snow tomorrow so the walk thing is not going to happen.

So for those that have switched where they sit or your seating arrangement to your T has it helped you? I am struggling to ask at this point, so even though i have a session tomorrow it may not happen.

How did you ask about the walk thing?

CNC

quote:

Originally posted by LadyGrey:
I wonder what T2 would do if I sit on her lap.

OMG you are too funny, LG! As for myself, I would never dream of sitting on my T's lap. She has such a small frame that I would bury her. Besides, she says NO ONE is allowed to sit in her chair. That probably includes when she is sitting in it. I do dream of laying my head on her lap, though. Maybe just my head wouldn't crush her...

My T has a new office that is very nice because it has fresh paint and new furniture and less noise. But my seating options are more limited. In the old office I had 3 sofas to choose from, as well as the floor, and I tried them all out. But now there is just one sofa which is chock full of pillows, so I can't really even sit on the ends unless I throw the pillows onto the floor. And although once in the new office I have sat on the floor in front of the sofa, it puts me at a closer distance to T than is comfortable. But lately the scared little girl inside me has been thinking about the empty corner space to the side of the sofa. It's only about two feet wide at the most, but I could curl in a ball and fit nicely there in the shadows. I wonder what T would say about that?

quote:

We used to meet at his church and sit on a pew...as close or far as my mood dictated (he once discreetly pursued me up the pew, as I unconsciously kept moving away...until we reached the end and he commented on it)

Oh, Monte, I remember you relating this story. It was so hilarious! You scooting down the pew and him following inch by inch right after you. Tell it again for us. What were his exact words? Something like, "Where are you going to go now, Monte?" as you looked at him in horror?

Also, off topic...Monte are you the one who told the story about secretly recording a session in the church when your player spilled out of your purse?

Oh Monte, you do tell it better than I! Thanks for sharing, I needed that laugh. And yes, I remember Pippi's story too. Between the two of you, I am too scared now to try secretly recording my own T.

My T has a couch, her chair and a chair facing hers. I always sat on the couch (for 3-4 years) and never had a clue that might not be the proper thing to do. Very recently, out of the blue, T sort of scolded me one day and told me that I always sat on the couch but what I really needed to be doing was sitting in the chair opposite hers in order to get some work done. I told her that I did not sit in that chair because it is low and I don't do well maneuvering with low seating. She then offered her chair to me. I declined, telling her that I viewed that as the "throne" and if I sat there, I'd have to be asking her the hard questions. So, I sit in the chair opposite hers and struggle my way out of it and consider that my exercise for the week.

Update, T and I sat on the floor together last night (although still several feet away from one another and separated by the evil glass table). It was very comforting. I'll give more details in my update of my session last night.

Chickened out. Sat in same old spot on the sofa today. Probably a good thing, talked about really triggery stuff and ended up having major anxiety attack. Couldn't have handled that in that rocking chair so close to her. Maybe next week. Or next year.

LG, I hope you will give it a try. I have to admit that I'm glad that my T urged me to sit in the chair facing her chair. It really does make me feel that there is a closer connection.

I wonder how T will react to the feelings of distress that he went to the other side of the room when we sat on the floor (which I shared in a journal entry). I'm kind of scared to ask to sit on the floor again. I don't want to feel like I'm pressuring him or making him (physically) uncomfortable.

I know this thread is now quite old but I love it, I really wanted to post in it ages ago and now I’ve stuck my toe back on forum I’m going to post!

It’s funny thinking about seating arrangements as I’ve never really taken much notice of it before. All the Ts I’ve seen over the years have usually sat in pretty much the same place, in a chair opposite me, several feet away. And I’ve sat in the same place, a chair opposite them. The only variation was when I was seeing psychodrama Ts where there are three chairs in use and the T sits in the middle one side on to the other two (this is because of the ‘empty chair’ method).

It’s never in all those years occurred to me to even think of sitting somewhere else (how do you guys do it who feel comfortable sitting on the floor or swapping chairs???? Me I just go catatonic at the thought of changing ‘my’ place.) But I did rebel once (have a thread on here about it) when I was seeing psychoT (psychoanalyst) and went in one day and deliberately sat in a different chair to make a statement. It was a bit of a turning point in the therapy.

With current T we have the usual arrangement, she sits in a chair opposite me, about four or five feet away and I sit opposite her on a sofa BUT the difference is that she regularly offers to either move closer to me or to sit next to me on the sofa. LL’s hair stands on end .

But in fact it’s working really well, even though I find myself shrinking away from her unconsciously when she is close to me, it’s certainly making me see the dynamics and emotional stuff involved that come up with proximity and changing position in a room. Wow I can’t believe I’ve gone years and years seeing all these different Ts and never once thought that it was even possible for me or T to move from our ‘designated’ places. Had I come across this forum earlier, I’m sure it would have spurred me to ask a T if I could sit in different places, just to see how it affected me. Now why didn’t THEY come up with suggestions like that? Hmmmm.

LL

LL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So excited to see you posting my dear!!

Yes, the proximity can really stir the emotions can't it? I'm glad you are able to experience that with your T.

T keeps moving away from me. It took so much courage to sit on the floor again after he moved away the first time, and he did it again. I wonder if he is really moving away for him (keeping a safe distance from me) or if he is doing it for me or if it's just the only comfortable place he can sit on the floor. Last time, he made a comment about being old and it being harder (to get up) than the previous time. I apologized and said, "Well, I *told* you that you didn't have to move." He likes that I feel comfortable enough with him to switch things up. I am trying to find the courage to ask him, "What would you do if I asked you to move closer?" It could be a really good talk, even if the answer is, "I have [such and such] a boundary in therapy, so I wouldn't be able to do that." I'm too afraid that him saying that would make me never want to see him again, because I would always be hurting every time I walked into his office. It's like that enough as it is.

Great to see you posting, LL. Your T sounds lovely.

My T's office isn't all that big - there's a couch and her chair and another off to the side (but that also seems to mainly be for "empty chair" exercises and such). I've sat on the floor a few times, and T has sat on the floor with me every time. The only time I sit on the floor, though, is if I feel like I need to curl up because of some intense emotion and I've asked T if she would put her arm around me. The reason that doesn't happen very often is because of how scary it is to ask! And I actually think I've only ever explicitly asked her once - the other times, I just alluded to it and she offered. Oddly enough, it doesn't feel that odd sitting on the floor. But I think it would definitely feel odd if I were on the floor and T wasn't.