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Where do you sit - and DID experience

sdsdMember
I quizzed my T recently on how flexible she is on her therapy delivery - she said that she is very flexible and has done walking therapy, will sit in my car with me if I want, will go outside into the fresh air etc. I said that it is well known that sitting side by side is a great way for kids to talk to their parents - like when you are driving them places as it is less confrontational - face to face can stifle conversation.

She said that she will sit wherever it is comfortable for the patient.

So that was the end of that - I was happy that T was super flexible - for those clients that needed it.

Forward to now. Having lots of trouble talking to T - I always thought it was my trust issues - but it is more. I have identified different parts inside me. The (emotionally) injured child is the one that wants to talk, but there are at least 2 others who stop the child from talking. In therapy the child will start off and then go absolutely blank - my mind goes blank as there is a strong, loud part that silences the talking. When this happens my mind is a grey fog and I cannot physically talk. Then if T pushes me on something or I try to talk or the child gets a few more words out - I will dissociate. Part of this is because T is sitting opposite me, looking at me trying to figure out what is happening and waiting expectantly for me to finish saying the word and the sentence. I have lost all semblance of continuity and the best I can do is make sounds.

I was wondering whether I ask to sit side by side (not touching as that would freak me) with T. There is a bench thing that I sit on that is comfortable with lots of cushions and T sits on a chair - I if she was side-by-side I thought that would be less confrontational for me and the child might talk? T would also be in my half of the room and that might help.

The downside is that I can't see T's full on face and she can't see all of me. If we gradually turned to face each other, as I am sure we would - that would defeat the purpose of it as she would be face to face with me but (icky) closer to me. And in my air space.

I need to do something different to get the child to talk.

What works for you guys? So I am asking everyone what they think of this and b) what happens in your therapy.

SD
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heldincompassionheldincompassionMember
Hi SD,

I agree. I find sitting opposite my T feels confrontational and antagonistic too. I used to sit in an armchair directly across from her, but after the first few sessions I moved to a small sofa/bench thing that is at a right angles to T's usual chair. I like that because when I get lost in my thoughts or in what I'm saying I can stare straight ahead and just be looking out the window or at a wall, but all I have to do is turn my head slightly if I want to look at her. It feels very conversational and natural this way.
yakusokuyakusokuMember
quote:
I spend a lot of time on the floor actually when i am working with my little cps.They dont like being stared at and so T sits by the side of us on the floor with us.
I obviously use the chair too ......T turns her chair so she is not sitting directly opposite me.I hate feeling like a lab rat and have her staring directly at me.It makes me feel very uncomfortable ,self conscious and icky.
The thing about the floor is that my little cps end up lying down, or sitting cross legged and things are very relaxed.i dont think they would sit for very long in the confines of a chair and certainly wouldnt feel comfortable


Yes to all of this. My exact experience. My ability to let vulnerable parts through was directly proportional to these changes in configuration, which I knew were needed for months prior to discussing "parts" with T, but just could not adequately explain to him until we started working from that perspective. In my case, we sit VERY close and actually, most of the kids can't look at him much and we keep the room pretty dark due to one part's trauma related to a brightly lit room. If we are just joking around, no little parts around, I can easily look at him and tend to sit further away. I definitely find sitting on the floor, side-by-side to be more congruent with my little ones' needs than, for example, the couch side-by-side, which we have done recently when the floor got too uncomfortable. I think my 61-year-old T somehow outlasts me on that account. Anyway, no matter where I sit, younger parts are very fidgety, shifting position all the time, which can be distracting and unnerving. Anyway, the biggest problem I have now is that the kids only seem able to talk if they are hiding physically (dark room, not looking at T, under a blanket or jacket, head buried in arms, etc.). I'm sure that will get better in time as there has been a huge improvement in communication just the last six months of beginning to sit on the floor and slowly moving closer together.
unbrokenunbrokenMember
Somedays--

The weirdest thing happened with my first session with TraumaT. I actually felt like I wanted to sit on the floor. Her office is "cozy" and "warm"... OldT's office was so sterile and cold.
I have a feeling I will be finding myself on the floor on down the line.

My T even suggested we do some play therapy... sand play? Ever heard of that? At first, I was like "WHAT?" But, once I looked into it, I thought it's probably a good activity for the child parts to enjoy....and express themselves.

I'll let you know how it goes.
N ninnMember
SD, so good to read this, 2 1/2 hours before my session. I'm having a huge problem in my therapy, talking, whereas I want to just quit. My T keeps asking me what she can do for me and I tell her I do not know!! Gosh, could she not suggest something....hasn't she ever had another client "like" me?! I told her last week the only solution was to not come anymore. And, what is worse, is that I moved to the right side of the couch, to be closer to her (I think) and to be next to the arm of the couch, felt safer, but then as she started the session, she said, "Oh, I'm going to sit over here." So, she didn't sit in her rolling office desk chair, she left it sort of in the middle of the room almost (UGH!) and she sat way far away (her office is too big for me)....I was trying to figure out why she did it. Maybe she thought she was triggering my anxiety. Anyway....I'm at such a loss what to do. Today should be interesting. I will let you know what I try. I'm hoping to have the ability to speak about this again today.
starfishstarfishMember
My T sits close to the left of me. We have sat with her opposite, but I don't like that so much, we've also sat on the floor and that feels very comfortable for reaching the child parts, we've evn gone for a walk to talk and that helped.I know my T is very open to any suggestions from me as to anything that will help me feel more comfortable. Sometimes it's just about having the courage to suggest something different Eeker

starfishy
navymenavymeMember
My T's office is set up in a way that is open and warm.. When you go in, there are 2 chairs with a coffee table in between them. On my first session, she invited me to take a seat as she went to grab me a glass of water. I chose one of the seats - and have always sat in the same seat in every session since. I'm not sure if she sits elsewhere with other clients or if that's actually 'her' seat.

One thing though, is that if the conversation gets particularity serious or involved, she will move her chair to face me more directly, but still kind of side by side (the chairs are at an angle to each other generally). Tends to make me feel like she's listening just 'that' much more actively when things get serious (Not that I've ever had the impression she wasn't actively listening).
navymenavymeMember
Does your T react to your body language?

I realize that it may be pushing own boundaries to have your body language interpreted, but I find it very helpful when my T points out things like "You're not breathing" or "Where do you feel that in your body" and motions to my wringing my hands... For me, it draw attention to something that I'm generally totally unaware that I'm doing.

I think I'd be wholly out of my league if I tried to give anyone advice... But I know for me, that every time I feel as though I want to say no to something, or minimize pushing a boundary... I actively decide that I'm THERE to break down the walls and defenses that I've put up....and I try to go with the flow.

And if I didn't like where my T was sitting... I'd ask her to help me figure out why it bothered me... opposed to asking her to change it... Sometimes it's hard, but I try to convince myself that I'm supposed to be uncomfortable whilst figuring out how to get comfortable in my own skin.
strummergirlstrummergirlMember
I am not in therapy right now, but with both T's I worked with, we sat directly across from each other. In both cases, I remember always feeling very self-conscious and tense sitting this way (like I was reluctant to even move), but never really brought it up or asked for other options. I'm a little envious of those of you whose T's have been open to other ideas of how to sit. I don't know if it would have helped but I would have been willing to try it. My last T and I were still able to do a lot of good work together, but I do wish that I could have relaxed more in the sessions. Maybe it had nothing to do with how we were sitting but it would have been interesting to try something else to see if it helped.

The last T I worked with would sometimes notice how I would rub my hands and fingers together as I was sitting there in silence, trying to decide what to say next. She referred to it as self-soothing. She would also sometimes notice the expressions on my face, especially when I had "little girl" expressions (noticing the inner child, perhaps?). She would also comment when it looked like I was spacing out. She would say she wondered where I went. I think she thought I was dissociating, but I think I was just nervous.

My T always looked very comfortable in her own skin. I'd like to feel like that someday.

SG
J janedoeMember
With one of my two ts, we tend to sit or stand at angles to each other. We have talked about it before, and played around with sitting in different places and she would ask me how it felt for me, and asked me to notice it and describe the feelings - like even how I physically felt. It was hard to do at first, but it got easier and more interesting. I discovered that I found myself the most at ease when she was at an angle to me - not right in front, nor directly besides me, but sort of to the side, where I could see her easily but not so directly where it felt more intense. After awhile, I notices where she was much less, but my T still would stand to the side of me - even intentionally move there if I needed help containing. After even more time, she started challenging me to move myself (instead of her moving - to give me the most choice and control) to stand in the more uncomfortable positions - like where she was to the side, or directly in front, and then to notice how that felt, and what was different and the same... and then to move back to the position that felt the best when I wanted to. By doing this, I got a lot more talkive overall. I also got more comfortable in general with her. It was hard though, and sometimes got much harder first... but my T is rather patient and kept reminding me it was just something to try and be curious about.

My other T, my regular T and I sit more or less directly across from her, but I'm sort of to one side, and often look out a huge window perpindicular to the couch that I sit on. But now and then I sit in a different place just to do it. I usually find that for me, it is harder in the new spot, but then when I move back to the easier spot, it is even easier than it was before I moved.

I wonder why it works for me this way...

Somedays ~ interesting question. I hope you can find a place with your T that works the best for you and helps you talk to her more. Tyring to talk is a tough battle I fight too. I hope it gets easier for you soon!

~ jane
heldincompassionheldincompassionMember
Hey Somedays,

I'm glad changing the seating around helped you to feel better! It's amazing what a difference little changes like that can make.

As far as the DID stuff goes, I don't exactly have parts as in plural, but I do have an "inner person" that is not me (or so I experience it) but that talks to me and I talk back. She has a name, personality, etc. Like you, I had concluded (or at least strongly suspected) that I was at the low end of the DID spectrum.

I was in therapy a few months before I told T about her. She initially thought either DID or schizophrenia (scary, that!) although neither seemed a perfect fit, and asked me many questions all about my experiences with this inner person over the course of a few sessions. She consulted with both a doctor and another therapist, concerned to get the diagnosis right, I guess. The end of it was, she decided I have neither DID nor schizophrenia, and that this inner person is more of an imaginary friend, that I've created to help distance myself from difficult feelings and emotions, than she is a DID style alter. I'm not entirely sure I understand the difference, but perhaps it doesn't matter much, either. She still thinks discussing this person is therapeutically useful, but mostly lets me decide how and how often I want to talk about her. She hasn't tried to make it a major focus of my therapy, although she does bring it up from time to time.

Anyway, that's all the experience I have with parts. Not sure if this is at all helpful or relevant, but you did say all comments were appreciated. Smiler I just thought I'd chime in with this story, since you mentioned being mild end DID, which I thought I was, and still sometimes suspect I am and that a different T may have diagnosed me as. As has been noted on here before, there is a subjective element to this diagnosing business. . . or perhaps I'm just misreading myself and don't really understand DID.
pinglespinglesMember
Hello SomeDays
T sits opposite me, she has this kind of front room thing, just like in a house so no formal office arrangement. She has comfy settee/chair things with really squishy cushions on and always nice scented candles and or flowers. She sits this way so she can see me and when i'm about to go away, but I am free to shift cushions around and get comfy (sometimes my shoes come off or cushions get thrown off - I am not aware of doing this until after we are wrapping up)
(SD - I have chosen to delete what I wrote next for personal reasons, as I don't want to upset or confuse you anymore about parts, sorry if this has confused you or upset you) Hope you are able to talk to t more and do what ever feels right in the space with your t
Last edited by pingles
B bltMember
Thanks Echoes for those descriptions and clarifications about DID. It's something I didn't understand very well.

I think it's confusing because all of us have different "parts" to ourselves and our personalities, which can be either integrated or fragmented to varying degrees, and all of us dissociate to some extent from time to time. So for example I seem to have different parts of my personality which aren't fully integrated, and moving between them can be a bit choppy and disorienting sometimes. But I definitely don't have DID, because if I did I certainly wouldn't be able to be aware of moving between these different states.
heldincompassionheldincompassionMember
Hey SD,

I read a book one time called "Internal Family Systems" by Richard Schwartz. He developed a therapeutic model that works from the paradigm that we all have parts or subpersonalities of a sort, and that getting them to talk to each other is good. I'm not sure to what extent I believe that these things really *exist* in the average person, but I did some experimenting with internal dialogues along the lines he recommends, and found it was a useful kind of guided imagery at the very least. It's like taking this approach provides a kind of symbolic framework for dealing with the various aspects of the self.

Anyway, long story short, some the therapy work you describe your T guiding you in reminded me of that book. Especially the visualization, etc.

Here's a link if you are interested.
http://www.amazon.com/Internal...id=1324577852&sr=8-1

Echoes,
If you don't mind me directing a DID question your way. . . part of the reason I was afraid I might have it is that my "imaginary friend" that I spoke about earlier in this thread seems very real to me. Not like I think of her as having some sort of existence external to myself, but I'm not aware of having consciously created her either-- she sort of "appeared" to me as a fully developed self. I concluded that she was a part of my personality that had somehow split off, organized, and was doing it's own thing, which I understood to be similar to what happens with DID, except in not as severe a form? I don't lose time and she never has control of my body, so it's clear I don't really have the characteristics of DID, but like SD I was wondering if I wasn't somehow on the low end of some sort of continuum. If you have any thoughts on what could be going on with this I would love to hear them! But if you'd rather not get into it, feel free to ignore. Smiler
heldincompassionheldincompassionMember
Hey Echoes,

Fair enough. After all, my own T, who knows me somewhat well and works with me in person and who is, after all, a T, seems to have a hard time figuring out what is going on with this aspect of me, so why should I expect you to do a better job over the internet, lol? It's just that I was getting interested in the conversation on this thread and you seemed to have a much better grasp of the issues than I do and I got curious as to what you would think. . . but yeah, I see your point. Sorry for derailing and I'll shut up now too. Smiler
sdsdMember
HI Deepie,

Your post closely resonates with me and is very similar to my experience and is most helpful. It actually explains me very well. I recognised that I have different and distinct parts to my personality and that have different ways of speaking, thinking, acting, writing depending on which part was active - I was confusing this with DID alters/parts I think - I notice that once ppl have a DID diagnoses they are referred to then as alters. When I read about it I thought they said that DID had a spectrum but it is a dissociation spectrum.

I just wanted a word for what I have - a label - so I could then go read up about it and learn more on a specific thing rather than reading through so much stuff that isn't relevant. When I google about this - it always points me to DID.

So Deepie - with what you wrote in your post - what name is it? Is it "fragmented emotional states" - is that accurate? Is there a book on what you describe?

This is such a complex area!

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