Hi Everyone...

I am sorry I have been so quiet for awhile. There are a number of reasons for my not posting or being around. I was away in Italy for almost 3 weeks in June visiting family and I returned with killer jet-lag which has prevented me from staying up past 9 pm LOL... and I am a night owl usually.

The trip itself was a mixed blessing. I know many people would love a trip to Italy but when you are dealing with family complications it is not always fun. First, the trip was very physically taxing for me. It was HOT HOT there and no air-conditioning to speak of. And yes, I know I am a spoiled American

I spent the entire time dripping wet and apparently attracting mosquitoes and flies too. I had about 25 bites on each arm, including hand and fingers! Most of them swelled up worse than bee stings. I think I am allergic to Italian mosquitoes. During dinner one night a fly bit me so hard I jumped out of my chair and screamed. Aside from that I had lovely swollen ankles from the heat and at times it was very painful to walk. I didn't sleep much from the awful humidity and that made me very irritable to be around. Of course we had to do a lot of walking around and I could not keep up with my marathon running dh and my young son. I felt SO miserable.

Aside from the physical aspect of things, there were the family dynamics that were upsetting to me. My mother in law loves to make these little critical comments that sting and make me upset and feel insecure. That sends me into trying to be invisible. I had to face an old attachment relationship that did not end well some years ago and things were pretty cold between us. Being ignored was hard as I had dreams of sitting and talking things through and finding some peace and/or closure. That did not happen and in fact I feel that things ended worse than they were before.

We had to attend my MIL's 80th birthday dinner and a family wedding that I did not want to attend. I survived by ducking out of the wedding after dinner and calling my T at home on a Sunday night. He was super wonderful and said all the right things to help me get through the few days left before coming home. I did confess to him that I had a complete meltdown before the wedding.... throwing things and screaming and crying that I just wanted to GO HOME. I felt like Dorothy trapped in Oz.

I also had to face down my fears of flying and of going through airport security. Xanax helped with that. My T suggested getting a prescription before the trip because he said in this instance it would help me and he didn't want to know I was suffering needlessly. He knows how I get anxious about taking any meds but he was calmly and quietly reassuring about it and it worked fine.

I was very fearful of going through the new x-ray machines where they can see you w/o your clothes on and then setting it off and having to get patted down by some strangers. I was careful in how I dressed and didn't set off anything and I just had to walk through the old-style doorway x-ray. Took 3 seconds and it was over. I survived it. The flights were fairly smooth and with the help of xanax and my Ipod, I was able to sleep awhile which made time go faster.

I saw my T the day after I got home. It was wonderful to see him. He had given me a transitional object (my dragon) to help me through the time apart and he also allowed me to take a picture of him with my cell phone. I have never had a picture of him and it was something I really really wanted/needed. I don't think he was totally thrilled with the picture request but he put aside his feelings for what would help me. Have I mentioned that he is wonderful?

Our sessions since I have been back have been really good, connected and the attachment never wavered. I did miss him a lot and he told me he was often thinking of me and wondering how I was doing. We did have email contact and I think I emailed him 3 or 4 times over the 3 week period.

Aside from that, work has been horrible and miserable. I came home to a pile of work and then I had to back up another person who is now on her vacation and that is extra work I don't have time for. My bosses have been harrassing me at every turn and I had a blast out argument with one of them yesterday. All of this drains what little energy I have left in me.

I have a lot of threads to catch up on and there have been some good discussions going on while I was gone. I wanted to send hugs to everyone and I hope I will be feeling more energetic soon and will begin to participate more often.

Thanks
TN