(((((Catgirl)))))))
I'm so sorry, the first year anniversary is so difficult. I lost my MIL a year and a half ago and I learned what a mother truly could be from her. I know the loss is so painful and seems like it will never end but you will live. You live without your mother by honoring her memory. She would want you to go on and live the fullest life you can. And you still have so much of her with you. The pain will get better, and you'll get her back.

Grief is a strange process of letting someone go so that you can get them back. Just tonight my family was all together on my front porch and were laughing at some of our memories of mom. Something that would have seemed impossible four months ago. The way out is through.

But I am sorry you must endure this loss and this pain, I wish I had a better answer for you.

AG

{{{CG}}}

On the lighter side of things I was just wondering .. have you been to Mexico lately? Oink Oink

My disclaimer here is that I suck at offering this sort of support, but I'd like to try. So I'm sorry if it's useless to you. I mostly want you to know that I'm thinking about you.

March 18th 1996 is the day my mom passed away. I spent my entire life hating her and resenting her for everything she did to or didn't do for me, so much so that I've never really grieved the loss. But every year around the first week of March I feel the loss in terms of anguish and never being able to work through our issues together - the first anniversary I spent hanging over the toilet after downing a 40 of vodka from the bottle. The woulda, shoulda coulda's hit me pretty hard every year and last for a few days after the anniversary. (I don't drink my way through it anymore because I have a partner who supports me through it).

You clearly loved you mother so I can't begin to understand the pain you must feel. I do know that a person never forgets a loved one that passes, but I believe that with every anniversary we feel that pain a little less and learn to think more of the happiness you shared instead of dwelling on the sadness of what you lost. I'd like to think that if my mother and I had a happy/healthy relationship that she wouldn't want me to be sad about her passing, but glad that she wasn't suffering anymore, and to think of her fondly through the anniversary as opposed to feeling sadness. You'll be okay CG .. really. I wish I could give you a real hug

Take care

To all who replied, or even read my post and thought about me:

Thanks for your support. Before going to bed last night, I read the posts, and felt less alone in my grief. I know that there really are no answers, I just have to go through the pain. But, God, it hurts. My dad died in '92. I am an orphan, and with having recently left my husband, I feel very alone, and I want my mom.

As I feel the pain of my grief throughout the day, I'll come back and read what you guys said and feel supported. Thanks.

catgirl

oooh catgirl, i am sorry for the pain you are in right now. I know you feel alone, maybe even abandoned, but you are never alone - lean on the people who will stick by you. And lean on us, we are all here to help.

I wish there was something more I could say but just wanted you to know I am thinking of you.

LTF

Hi CG,

I just wanted to pop in and see how you were doing. When you feel up to it let us know K!

Holly

Holly,
Physically, I'm feeling better, although I'm certainly still recovering.

I miss my mom a lot more these past few days than I have over the past month or so. Maybe it's the sickness. Maybe it's the fact that it's May. I guess it's good for me to go through this. It's all part of the grieving process, they say.

I now have so much homework backed up, though. So, I'll be busy this week.

Thanks for asking.

catgirl

CG,
I'm glad that physically you are feeling better
Missing your mom probably has a little to do with being sick and the month. If missing someone so much is a part of the grieving process, I'm not looking forward to experiencing it

Holly

So, I went to my class Tuesday evening, came back home. Ended up getting another fever. Went to the Dr., and I now have walking pneumonia. It was cute, she has some sort of accent, and she kept calling it "P"neumonia--putting the p sound in it. I have pulled a muscle in my ribs coughing, and now it hurts to move, cough, yawn, or breathe. Argghhhh! I'm so tired of this. And, I really want my mom. I don't have a mom and I'm sick. I need her.

Hey CG, I often feel this way too when I'm sick... like I need to be taken care of and comforted. Unfortunately, we have to come to find comfort in ourselves, as hard as that may be, especially when we are ill. What helps me is to think of how I would treat me if I were my own kid.... and then do that for myself as best as I can. It's hard but offers some support and comfort, although nothing compares to having someone do it for you. I know this must be rough for you and that you want your mom, but this is when the part of her that's in you has to kick in, you know?

Please take care of yourself and get well soon.

-CT

CG, what's going on with your girl! Just when there is a glimmer of hope for you to recover, you get sick again! I'm glad that you at least know what you have so a good course of antibiotics should fix you right up. Well at least the 'P'neumonia

I'm thinking about you ..

Holly

Today is my daughter's "moving on" ceremony. It's like a graduation. She has been in the 1-3 grade class for the past few years, and next year, she'll move into the 4-6 grade class. So they have a little ceremony to celebrate this.

Last night, when she was going to sleep, I heard her crying, so I went up to check on her. She was sobbing. She said, "I thought, 'Nannie will be so excited about my graduation! I wish she could come see it! I can't wait to call her and tell her about it.' Then, I remembered that she's dead. I miss Nannie!" I held her and she cried for about 10 more minutes.

For the rest of my life, every milestone is going to be so mixed. I might be excited about the milestone, but I'm sad that Mom's not here to share it.

It's a sad thing.

catgirl

HI CG

quote:

Today is my daughter's "moving on" ceremony. So they have a little ceremony to celebrate this.

That's so sweet that they have such a ceremony

Sometimes we get caught up in our own grief during milestones that are important to us, and forget about the children, and the milestones they encounter where the loss of a loved one affects them. I'm glad that you were home to be able to comfort your daughter when she needed you.

Your mom's spirit will be with you both at the milestones that come your way, so in essence she is sharing them with you, in your heart and your memories I know, It doesn't matter what anyone says ... It's still sad and it's still hard

{{{CG}}}