(((incognito)))

quote:

I felt awful that my T had to spend the time to meet with another doctor about me

I can hear the frustration and fear in your post. And I can completely relate. When my ED was first discovered, my T and my NT (nutritional therapist) would email almost weekly. I was a little worried about that, because I didn't want T to have to spend any extra time on me outside of my therapy. When my primary care doctor got involved, and the three of them started having biweekly communication - be it phone call, email, whatever - it really freaked me out. I love all three of them, but I know how insane their schedules are. For them to have to coordinate a time to talk about my treatment sent me running. It got even worse when a Pdoc got involved, because then I had 4 medical professionals, all with insane schedules, discussing ME outside of my time with them.

But, like you said here:

quote:

I should be thankful he is willing to try things to help me. I should recognize it as proof he cares about me and that he is committed to me.

I was completely freaked out, and we actually spent nearly an entire therapy session talking about it. What I learned is that this IS part of their job - just because I'm not sitting in front of one of them, doesn't mean their job to help me ends. Once I was able to accept that (which took quite a while - months - really) then I actually was able to feel their care for me. For the first time in my life, I knew what it felt like to have people care about and for me.

I'll admit, that here I am, two years later, and the team still discusses me, but as my visits with my PCP and Pdoc are every 8-10 weeks instead of every 2-4 weeks, they are discussing me less. I know that my NT is still sending email updates to my T, but my time with my NT has lessend as well, and those updates are every 2-3 weeks instead of every week.

It takes time. But know that they are doing their job, and they WANT to do what they can to help you.

(((incognito)))

Hi incognito...

I only have a minute but... what if your primary care doctor needed to discuss you with a cardiologist or if you had a skin problem and he needed to consult a dermatologist? You would not even think twice about it. You would be glad that he was smart enough to do so and cared enough to do so. Medical professionals consult with each other all the time. It's part of their job to do so. The difference here is that your T holds a huge symbolic place in your life and you relate to him differently as he plays different "roles".

I believe your T is very committed to your getting well and your healing. I have seen him show in many ways that you probably cannot see. This is just another way he is showing how much he cares.

TN

(((Cogs))) I can certainly understand you freaking out, its not a good feeling to think that people need to talk about you without you there, especially professionals. We go straight to expecting the worst. But TN is right, we wouldn't think a thing of it in the case of a physical problem. This happened once with my first T when I got stuck for awhile, we were actually talking about bringing in another therapist to help and it was obvious that she had been consulting about me.

But here's the thing, seeking supervision or consultations is part of a therapist's job. It's also part of their overhead of the business. I mean you don't expect to pay your T a fee for his office supplies, or electricity or rent, right? It's assumed those things are included in his fee to you. The same goes for any time spent in supervision or consultation. I'm not sure about where you live but in NY state it is legally mandated that your first 5000 hours of clinical practice (after you've graduated and are licensed) be performed under supervision. You can not even set up your own practice until then, you have to work in a larger agency. So this is an extremely normal part of the job for a therapist.

As scary as this feels, this is a sign of his care and commitment for you. He knows how hard you're struggling and is looking for ways to help you move forward. I know it feels like anything but, but this is a good thing. Remember to breathe.

AG

(((COGS)))

I know it's hard to take in your T's care but try to hang in there and fight the feelings of wanting to run. Try to talk to your T about all of your fears. He really sounds so terrific and caring. He will do the right thing for you. It's your choice, though, you don't have to agree to it. How about asking exactly what will be involved? What if the other T suggests something to your T that you don't like? Will your T be forthcoming with the other T's suggestions?

R2G, is it fear and frustration I'm feeling. I have so much trouble identifying my own feelings. I can recognize sad and then everything else is either good or bad. I just felt terrible in the session and it didn't make any sense to my T (or me) because I should be grateful for his care and concern. I'm glad to hear that you have learned to accept their care.

poppet, thank you for the hugs. I am trying to calm my overactive nervous system down.

TN and AG, I understand that T's get consultation and supervision throughout their working lives. I just never thought it would be about me specifically and because I consulted this doctor through this trauma assessment clinic it means he didn't get to choose the supervisor he wanted (except if he said no). I am scared, scared that it won't help and it will be a waste of their time, scared he will resent me for it, scared that anything that is so difficult isn't meant to be. Thank you for reminding me he cares and that I should breathe. Right now even that is difficult.

Liese, those are all good questions but I was just reacting last night. I started this process and have met with the doctor twice already and I have a session with him tomorrow morning. It felt okay to me to consult and get advice on how to do therapy and it just seems wrong that he should have to go to supervision. I guess I will get to ask the doctor tomorrow and then discuss it more with my T before anything happens. thank you for the hug. I am still feeling very activated but I guess that is to be expected (I hate the fact I can't talk myself out of my feelings even though I am learning that)

this is long so to read the update about unexpected therapy charges skip to the bottom two paragraphs

so I've been talking to my T since we had this discussion about supervision. I expressed more about my feelings and he told me why he thought it might be helpful. I got thrown another loop when I found out my husband received notice that the funding for his job was finished at the end of the year. I am possibly in the same position because my boss is in the midst of applying for a grant to continue working and I will find out in July.

So I panicked at the thought of both of us being unable to find a job and how our family would manage (or more likely not) without our regular income. I told my T the news by email and said I would have to decrease therapy but not immediately. I wanted to try and work on this issues I have with feeling like I need T to reassure me that he cares and wants to work with me and my fears that he will leave or it isn't a good fit. So I spent a session crying and shaking over fear about losing our jobs while T told me that he understood how scared I was because I was projecting the future (worst outcome) and responding to that future. He also assured me that therapy wouldn't have to look like it does right now and when the time came we would be flexible about continuing the work together (like I work part time and attend a session in the late afternoon and I might have to work full-time and not be able to make day time appts).

Today I tried to talk about my wish that he would tell me he cared or was interested in what I was feeling when I was locked up and stuck crying. He told me he doesn't think of saying it explicitly because to him it is how he feels (like he wouldn't say I am sitting in my chair now) but maybe I needed him to say it because during those moments I was "blind" to his caring. I recognized it was what I had asked for but it sounded kind of silly and artificial when he talked about it and I realized I felt like what I wanted was wrong or that he didn't understand how much I needed him and saying that he cared was a very pale representation of the complex array of things I wanted from him.

I thought the session went well and was thinking about what more I could tell him next time when I got home and saw my bill for last month for therapy. My T charged me for 30min for the time he consulted with the doctor on the phone. I was so hurt. He never charged me in the past when he talked to other T's(but I don't know how long those conversations were). He also never told me he was charging me. So now I wonder how much he is going to charge me if he does attend supervision meetings with the doctor, in session time, travel time, travel expenses. Logically I understand he is entitled to charge me for his time but it feels awful that he decided to charge me right now when I am worried about therapy expenses and not tell me in advance. I think there is a lot of difference between telling me he is considering supervision with this doctor and he is considering supervision and it will cost $xx/session so should he pursue it.

I'm sure you can understand how I feel even less that he cares about me.

(((incognito)))

Sorry for all you are struggling with. I didn't know clients had to pay for supervision sessions. Hopefully more people will chime in and say if that's common or not. I know my T went on a consult about me at least once. I was never billed, but then again maybe she charged insurance (they pay for most of my therapy and I have a weekly copay).

This sounds so stressful what with the possibility of other looming financial changes. I wish your T had talked to you about it first. Hope the two of you can straighten this out soon.

I'm not 100% positive, but I really didn't think Ts could charge the client for consultation. That's part of their job, to make sure they are doing no harm to their clients and they are taking necessary steps to provide the best care. It's their ethical obligation, really. My T recently told me she has started going to a consultant every month that has expertise in trauma. She also just got trained in IFS, so I think she is working to be more knowledgeable in the treatment of trauma. Maybe she has more clients with trauma backgrounds and she wants to be more competent. A few weeks ago when I think we were both feeling stuck, she asked me if she could talk to her consultant about me. I would have never expected her to charge me for that. That's on her to get consultation. I know your situation is slightly different, and your T is just consulting with another T specifically to help you...but I would never think a T should charge for that. Again, it's part of their job. And if they did, I would definitely want my T to let me know before he just charged me. I'm so sorry your T did that. I think you have a right to inquire about the charge and if this will be a regular thing.. and what exactly is included in the charge.

Sorry again. Hugs to you.